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Thread: Argh Husbands!

  1. #11
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    I think you were right to be annoyed BUT men don't have a crystal ball!!

    Just because you know if it was the other way round, you would be jumping in to help, that doesn't mean he's entirely to blame for not acting how you wanted him to act but you hadn't told him what you expected. LOL

    I think women are the biggest own enemy. We met a great guy, we want to look like we have our stuff together, so we work our jobs and run our homes super smooth to show how great we are. Then we get married. We keep working full time outside the house and doing the house stuff because we always have and sometime we get grumpy because we want him to see we don't' stop but we huff and puff and don't actually use our words and speak in simple sentence.

    At that place we should tell him that : Hey - we both work FT and we both work hard. Can we renegotiate the division of labour for tasks at home cause I'm drowning in all I'm trying to do and I'm getting a bit resentful when if feels like you are sitting resting up after work yet I'm still running around."

    But we never say it. Sometimes when he says what is wrong, we say nothing and he believes us. Who is fault is that? His for believe or us for not saying?

    Then we have babies and stay home so we feel we do the house stuff and he work outside the house and is a bit fairer until we go back to work again. And so it goes and so it goes.

    Stop pretending like it is all good. But both of you to blame not just him for not magic reading your mind or not seeing situation like a women does.

    Tell him that you need help. Not just sometimes but on-going cause you both work a lot, and you both parents of the children and everyone makes mess not just one person so why is one person doing it.

    Tell him you need to renegotiate so both have some home jobs not just one person and then give specific jobs each. And leave him to do so. So what if he buys different grocery brand then you. Give him the job but you have to not be control over his task and accept that he does his task his way not your way.

    But he cannot be blamed for not doing something he didn't know you needed him to do.

    That unfair. And don't be resentful if he doesn't think like you - he is different person. His brain is not mapped to your brain.

    But don't look at other people list like above. This is not a competition of how much my husband does comparing to how much your husband does or her husband does. That is foolish.
    Someone else agreement with partner is someone else's agreement and not business of any other. Figure out what suits you two not what others say suited them.
    Last edited by Suzie_Homemaker; 02-13-2015 at 08:07 PM.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker View Post
    I think you were right to be annoyed BUT men don't have a crystal ball!!

    Just because you know if it was the other way round, you would be jumping in to help, that doesn't mean he's entirely to blame for not acting how you wanted him to act but you hadn't told him what you expected. LOL

    I think women are the biggest own enemy. We met a great guy, we want to look like we have our stuff together, so we work our jobs and run our homes super smooth to show how great we are. Then we get married. We keep working full time outside the house and doing the house stuff because we always have and sometime we get grumpy because we want him to see we don't' stop but we huff and puff and don't actually use our words and speak in simple sentence.

    At that place we should tell him that : Hey - we both work FT and we both work hard. Can we renegotiate the division of labour for tasks at home cause I'm drowning in all I'm trying to do and I'm getting a bit resentful when if feels like you are sitting resting up after work yet I'm still running around."

    But we never say it. Sometimes when he says what is wrong, we say nothing and he believes us. Who is fault is that? His for believe or us for not saying?

    Then we have babies and stay home so we feel we do the house stuff and he work outside the house and is a bit fairer until we go back to work again. And so it goes and so it goes.

    Stop pretending like it is all good. But both of you to blame not just him for not magic reading your mind or not seeing situation like a women does.

    Tell him that you need help. Not just sometimes but on-going cause you both work a lot, and you both parents of the children and everyone makes mess not just one person so why is one person doing it.

    Tell him you need to renegotiate so both have some home jobs not just one person and then give specific jobs each. And leave him to do so. So what if he buys different grocery brand then you. Give him the job but you have to not be control over his task and accept that he does his task his way not your way.

    But he cannot be blamed for not doing something he didn't know you needed him to do.

    That unfair. And don't be resentful if he doesn't think like you - he is different person. His brain is not mapped to your brain.

    But don't look at other people list like above. This is not a competition of how much my husband does comparing to how much your husband does or her husband does. That is foolish.
    Someone else agreement with partner is someone else's agreement and not business of any other. Figure out what suits you two not what others say suited them.
    I never put a list of what my husband does in order to be in competition with anybody, nor did the other ladies I am sure. I was just trying to show that other working mothers out there have husbands that help more, so it is okay for her to ask for more. She posted a list of what her husband does, and what she does. Nobody here is being foolish, just trying to encourage and support.

  3. #13
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    No one was trying to make it into a competition, we were just trying to give some insight.

    As for not blaming him for "something he didn't know he was supposed to do".... he IS an adult, yes? Can he not at least ask what needs to be done? Unless our husbands believe that the housework is done by magical house elves, than they do understand that there is work to be done.

    I'm not saying to make him guess what needs to be done, I'm just saying that I understand why the OP is so frustrated. It's a matter of respect. When our husbands do squat and we're working our butts off, and they know we are, it's just disrespectful.

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  5. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by homeschoolmom View Post
    We have older kids so our situation is a bit different, but I know I always find it helpful to get as much input as possible when having a problem, so thought \I'd share anyway

    We have always negotiated chores and revisited who does what on a fairly regular basis, as things are constantly changing in a family (outside jobs, children growing older, new babies arriving, new homes, etc). Not everyone is naturally observant and will step in to do what's needed, so clear expectations are hugely helpful!

    One thing we implemented very early on and still do over 20 years later, is that my husband 'checks in' with me when he gets home from work or when I need to go out, am sick, or any other time I might need extra help. He always says, "What can I do?" It's an acknowledgement that he's not sure what I've already done and what still needs to be done, plus gives me a chance to prioritize what will help me the most.
    This is what we do too. We decide early on that no resentment is allowed, have to speak up loud and clear if not happy and each focus on how we can make other persons life easier today and every day.

    We say "What can I do for you today?" - so very much alike you. Today is our 25th wedding anniversary.

  6. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by JennJubie View Post
    No one was trying to make it into a competition, we were just trying to give some insight.

    As for not blaming him for "something he didn't know he was supposed to do".... he IS an adult, yes? Can he not at least ask what needs to be done? Unless our husbands believe that the housework is done by magical house elves, than they do understand that there is work to be done.

    I'm not saying to make him guess what needs to be done, I'm just saying that I understand why the OP is so frustrated. It's a matter of respect. When our husbands do squat and we're working our butts off, and they know we are, it's just disrespectful.
    That goes two way. If you are going to expect him be adult and ask why is it not unreasonable that you are adult too and so speak?

    Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? LOL

    It's only disrespectful of him if he really sees you being unhappy and ignores it but if you are always whining about how he does things when he helping, if you are always telling him you are fine when you are not, if you aren't opening your mouth and taking some responsibility for not resolving the situation, you are being disrespectful to whine behind his back when you don't have the sense to speak to his face.

    You would rather spend 5 minutes arguing about being right with me, than speaking to the man you are meant to love and explaining that you aren't happy about something in your house? That makes no sense because winning or losing a word battle with me changes nothing in your homes. LOL

    Why not go fix things rather than complain to strangers about disrespect?

    Do you not think it's disrespectful to complain to strangers yet not give same data to husband? That is crazy.

  7. #16
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    I agree. I am starting to think that a few others do not fully understand what this site is for. Some times we just need a place to vent to others who understand where we are coming from, so that when husband comes home, we can confront him with a clear head, and not go into situation with a hot head so to speak.

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  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker View Post
    That goes two way. If you are going to expect him be adult and ask why is it not unreasonable that you are adult too and so speak?

    Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? LOL

    It's only disrespectful of him if he really sees you being unhappy and ignores it but if you are always whining about how he does things when he helping, if you are always telling him you are fine when you are not, if you aren't opening your mouth and taking some responsibility for not resolving the situation, you are being disrespectful to whine behind his back when you don't have the sense to speak to his face.

    You would rather spend 5 minutes arguing about being right with me, than speaking to the man you are meant to love and explaining that you aren't happy about something in your house? That makes no sense because winning or losing a word battle with me changes nothing in your homes. LOL

    Why not go fix things rather than complain to strangers about disrespect?

    Do you not think it's disrespectful to complain to strangers yet not give same data to husband? That is crazy.
    Actually, things in my house run just fine, thank you. I do talk to the man I love rather than "whining behind his back" I was referring to the OPs issue. I included in my first post about all the wonderful things my husband does for me, and then you accused that we were making it a competition.

  10. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by JennJubie View Post
    Actually, things in my house run just fine, thank you. I do talk to the man I love rather than "whining behind his back" I was referring to the OPs issue. I included in my first post about all the wonderful things my husband does for me, and then you accused that we were making it a competition.
    Just because I don't agree with your methods that does not mean you bashing mine will change my mind. You can call me out with your justifications for your every statement if you want to do that but I don't have to change my view to suit yours.

    I see this lots on some persons posts, two or three members in particular. Someone makes a question asking for opinion and if you or one more doesn't like it, you get defensive about your house/your daycare/your husband like this is only way to do it right. Why is no one allowed to have opinion not same as yours and you pick apart but when someone does same to you, you get defensive.

    We teach people how to treat us and I think your and the other person who does this a lot, don't like being treated the way you treat others, Maybe you should think about reap what you sow and then you won't seem so unhappy about everything with like victim tones.

  11. #19
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    Wow. You don't know me. You don't know me at all. I'm out. Congratulations... you win. I hope it makes your day.

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  13. #20
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    Suzie Homemaker suggests the other posters should tell their husbands what they need/want done.

    The issue is why must we suggest the obvious? That is what gets some of us angry. Can hubby not see the garbage needs changing, the floor needs vacuuming or perhaps have grilled cheese and soup for dinner waiting for when we and the kiddies get home from an activity?

    We spend all day telling others what to do, how to do it and then clean up after them. It is our job and for the most part we enjoy it. However, at some point significant other needs to understand that the obvious chores need doing and the routine of caring for the kids needs to be accomplished in a timely fashion and we don't want to dictate the obvious every day. Think for yourselves gentlemen.

    I remember coming home around 5:30 on a Saturday from running errands all day to find hubby and child looking at me as I placed multiple packages on the floor and then asked what I was going to make for dinner. Let's just say I'm surprised the roof didn't come off when I addressed their question LOL

    After having a few rants over the years, my hubby has become very helpful and I in return try to help him with the outdoor chores he does to show him we are best when we work together.

    Suzie H is fortunate she has a husband who asks what can I do to help you, but she fails to see that she still has to tell him what to do and Suzie H try not to preach. Practical informative advice would be just fine

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