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Thread: Argh Husbands!

  1. #21
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    I don't think anyone was turning it into a competition.

    However, I do think that some women just think "oh, he's a man so I just have to put up with doing it all because I'm the wife/mother". I think it's important for women to know this isn't true...there are guys out there that do their fair share or more!

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  3. #22
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    Thought I should reply as OP.

    I appreciate all your answers, really! First- I didn't find people mentioning what their husband does creating a competition but found it helpful to know that I wasn't out to lunch that I should expect more from my husband.

    I am a pretty direct person but the issue with division of labour is something I struggle with addressing with him. I think because I feel like we have done this before but also because I don't want to be "a nag." Helpful to know that this is a continual issue to bring up and revisit.

    I addressed things with my husband and things are good. He is going to help out more and so far has been. We had guests coming over on Sunday and he asked me if he could help with anything. We went out that night for a belated V-Day and I used that as an example of how I want things to be and he said he will start doing this. Now that we've spoken about it I am going to be more demanding of what I want. For example if it is a night that I have to go grocery shopping I will let him know he needs to do the bath and bedtime. This is something we normally do but it doesn't really happen unless I ask...I am hoping for more initiation but I am not holding my breath on that one. I am also giving myself permission not to feel guilty when I ask for him to do these things.

    My girls have a rest/nap time every weekend afternoon. Today I read/napped during their nap time and cleaned the daycare when they woke up and my husband watched them. Normally I would have cleaned during their nap and played with them when they woke up. Also, we were going to a family day event and my husband wasn't ready to go (he was trying to buy AC/DC tickets and couldn't get through online). I took the girls on my own and gave him a list of things to do while we were gone...he did it all.

    My MIL has said she will watch our girls if we want to do a monthly date night so I have already booked the next one with her. This is another thing that would never happen unless I set it up. Things are moving in the right direction, thanks!

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  5. #23
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    Good to hear!!

  6. #24
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    Glad you worked things out!

  7. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by mimi View Post
    Suzie Homemaker suggests the other posters should tell their husbands what they need/want done.

    The issue is why must we suggest the obvious? That is what gets some of us angry. Can hubby not see the garbage needs changing, the floor needs vacuuming or perhaps have grilled cheese and soup for dinner waiting for when we and the kiddies get home from an activity?

    We spend all day telling others what to do, how to do it and then clean up after them. It is our job and for the most part we enjoy it. However, at some point significant other needs to understand that the obvious chores need doing and the routine of caring for the kids needs to be accomplished in a timely fashion and we don't want to dictate the obvious every day. Think for yourselves gentlemen.

    I remember coming home around 5:30 on a Saturday from running errands all day to find hubby and child looking at me as I placed multiple packages on the floor and then asked what I was going to make for dinner. Let's just say I'm surprised the roof didn't come off when I addressed their question LOL

    After having a few rants over the years, my hubby has become very helpful and I in return try to help him with the outdoor chores he does to show him we are best when we work together.

    Suzie H is fortunate she has a husband who asks what can I do to help you, but she fails to see that she still has to tell him what to do and Suzie H try not to preach. Practical informative advice would be just fine
    I not preach just explain how we address. Sorry, English not my first language.

    I really see that men don't always see obvious thing women do - that real gender difference. I don't have to tell mine what to do but we married long time now. He does still ask if there is something extra he can do each day in case there is, like grab dry clean on way home or milk.

    I think you think I give list but I only do that for 6 year old child not grown man who have openly talked to for many years.

    Issue is when don't openly talk and then expect them to be you, read your mind, see what you see. That is a lot to expect from person if you behave like mute. That is passing all responsibility on one person to put themselves in your boots but you refusing to put yourself in their boots and simply speak.

    I think some people here too busy trying to be right rather than happy.


    They like to say he should see, he should know, he should understand vs putting in his position where he might think why didn't she tell me before she got upset, why didn't she speak out sooner, why did she bottle up until explode and I didn't see coming, why would she test me to see if I am thinking/seeing things like she does.

    When you test people on how well they know you, how they should be able to guess your expectations, how they should see your home and what needs doing, that person will always fail because you are keeping the rules and the test secret. So many games. No wonder some frustrate.

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