The 'nap' issue surfaces again...amongst others

[MonkeyPrincess]

ne parent is irking me this week. On Sunday, a dcg's mom (whom i never see as i only care for the child on the days that she stays with her dad because they split last year) texted me about tax receipts asked about tax receipts. I told her that it's going all to the child's dad as he is the one on contract. She tells me she is entitled to it and wants to do her taxes. I explained to her that According to what my accountant told me, she is only entitled to her share of the tax write offs for daycare fees until the contract with both of their names on it was cancelled (end of May 2014, when i was informed by the dcdad that they were splitting up) and that is how i did up the receipts. Again, it will all go to the child's dad and they can sort it all out, and we left it at that. The revised contract, effective June 1st 2014, only has the dcdad's name on it so only he can claim daycare tax write offs from there forward.

Well doesn't the dcd call me all upset saying his ex isn't entitled to the tax write offs for daycare because they actually separated in January of 2014. Well how the hell was i supposed to know that, and why would you only tell me in May? And knowing that i revise my contracts every January, why would you put it in both of your names if you were already split? He only told me in May, and that's when we revised the contract so i did up my tax receipts for 2014 accordingly. I e-mailed him the initial contract (with both parents names), the cancellation of the initial contract and the revised contract (just his name) so he can look through it all. I suggested they take it all up with the accountants and attorneys to sort out.

i don't want to get involved in their personal lives because it's none of my business. However, my daycare business is my business and I don't want any trouble due to facts that weren't made known to me.

Today, he drops off the child as usual. The child has a runny nose and cough...kind of irritating because he didn't say anything to me but it's not a serious cold. My contract says kids can stay if they have a mild cold as long as they aren't sneezing or coughing excessively or miserable or have fever/vomit/diarrhea.

Then about an hour later, texts saying 'no nap for (dkg) today plz'. I replied that i couldn't do that because she sleeps well when she is here and how all kids go down for a nap after lunch and they all follow the same routine (She is almost always the first one asleep, like today!). So he tells me 'well she only ever naps at your house and then she is up until 10 or 11'. (well i can spin it the other way too, maybe she needs to nap at my house because she is up until 10 or 11 at your house LOL) I replied that if she is sleeping at my house it is because she is tired. With that said, she does have shorter naps and wakes up after an hour. He said 'ok' I thought it was the end of it. Then he comes back to me asking if another dcg (who is a little older than his daughter and generally out of naps) sleeps too. I replied, yes she does sometimes and i explained that even all day kindergartens have a 45 minute nap/rest time. He replied "i see."

[kindertime]

Yup, been there. Actually, exactly there. Wow, did I write that? You are right about it all. The contract rules. Receipts go to the one who's name is on it. And in your case, the two of them until May.

As for the sleeping, this has happened so many times....OMG. Of course I know it's because the parents don't know how to get their kids to do anything. What with all the whining.
I will let 4yos spent nap time on the couch if they can be quiet and look at books for nap time. This works out great because they usually end up sleeping MORE on the couch that in the bedroom with the others.

[mickyc]

Do you have a copy of their separation agreement?

For split families I would be very particular in noting who paid every payday. I would write out one receipt for the child and at the bottom split it up showing who paid what amount. Give them each a copy (noting on the receipt that both parents provided receipt). Then leave it to them to fight out who claims what. You would have covered everything on the receipt.

As for nap it is not negotiable here for any child under 4. I would have just told the dad all kids are required to nap. I would have then ignored any other texts about other children in your care. None of his business.

[Fun&care]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing on the receipt front. All you can do now is let them sort it out.

As for naps...my own daughter outgrew naps at about age 2 1/2 and so I totally get what it's like to have your child stay up past 10pm because they are getting too much sleep during the day. It turns into a vicious cycle, the lack of sleep the night before catches up with them and so they need a nap, which only perpetuates the cycle...it often has very little to do with a parents ability to put their child to sleep.

Here kids 3 and under have to nap the full 2 hours. But kids 3 and up (whose parents have requested "no nap") are still required to lie down for one hour (no questions asked, this is until they go to school) and after I allow them to come up and watch TV for the remainder of naptime.

[MonkeyPrincess]

Do you have a copy of their separation agreement?

For split families I would be very particular in noting who paid every payday. I would write out one receipt for the child and at the bottom split it up showing who paid what amount. Give them each a copy (noting on the receipt that both parents provided receipt). Then leave it to them to fight out who claims what. You would have covered everything on the receipt.


As for nap it is not negotiable here for any child under 4. I would have just told the dad all kids are required to nap. I would have then ignored any other texts about other children in your care.
None of his business.

-I don't have a separation agreement, as it stands, I only ever see one parent.

-Thanks. The contract is only in the dad's name, I only see one parent so i am only paid by one parent. It simplifies things a lot. Next year's taxes will be easier lol

-yeah i should have just ignored it, because true, none of his beeswax.... but i did tell him that all kids follow the same routine and all kids go down for a nap after lunch, so i hope he gets that it is what it is and its not up for debate. If he brings it up again, i will most definitely remind him that it's in the contract that he agreed to. My contract says all preschoolers nap, non negotiable. If they wake early, they can come down and play quietly or watch a show.

[mickyc]

I require a copy of any separation agreement for my file. Then I know who has care and control etc.

If you only ever deal with dad then just do as you have done. It's their problem to sort out.

[FSD]

Fun&Care....for the 3 and older kids, if they are sleeping after an hour of lying down, do you wake them up to watch TV?

[Fun&care]

Fun&Care....for the 3 and older kids, if they are sleeping after an hour of lying down, do you wake them up to watch TV?

Yes I absolutely do. So its one hour no matter what, whether they sleep or not. Otherwise if they are left to sleep, they take too long to get to sleep that night and the cycle begins.

I've also read that night time sleep is more restorative than daytime sleep so if a child, especially an older child is tired they should make up for it mostly in nighttime sleep by going to bed earlier.

I've found that kids tend to be happier this way (and the parents too!) since continuously falling asleep too late means they are tired and wired despite the afternoon nap. It's like the nap loses it's magic after a certain age.

[flowerchild]

Here kids 3 and under have to nap the full 2 hours. But kids 3 and up (whose parents have requested "no nap") are still required to lie down for one hour (no questions asked, this is until they go to school) and after I allow them to come up and watch TV for the remainder of naptime.

I have a similar policy. All kids under three have a nap. Others have to have a "quiet rest time" where they usually watch a movie. If they aren't watching a movie, they are resting on the couch with books for the first hour and then they can do puzzles etc quietly afterwards. If they are tired enough to fall asleep, they will be allowed to sleep for a bit.

Have you ever had a parent insist on no sleeping whatsoever? How did you deal with it?

My thought is that if they are that tired, they need a little cat nap to get them through the rest of the day. I'm also not willing to force a child to stay awake for two hours. A. it's not practical. I have things to get done. I can't sit beside a child and make sure he or she stays awake. B. it's horrible for the child. It will make for a miserable mood and that's just a bad day for everyone.

[Fun&care]

ooohhhhhh yes, I've had parents walk in at drop off and say that Susie doesn't need a nap today. There is no such thing as "no nap" here. The one hour rest time is the minimum requirement and if they fall asleep, they fall asleep. I consider myself generous enough for giving up part of MY ONLY BREAK during the day. There is no way I can prevent a child from falling asleep if they are so inclined that day BUT I have offered that parents may send their child with a backpack with toys for them to play with QUIETLY on their cot and sometimes that helps to keep them awake, sometimes it doesn't.