Cheap parents

[Emma H]

Like you stated people have their own opinions and in my opinion I feel like she was attacked by a few people....just because you don't think that doesn't mean I am wrong...no one said you had to agree with everything, did I say that? I don't think so....."How Dare You ......I didn't mean literally....If I don't like something I will speak my mind we don't all need to ignore everything

[bright sparks]

Like you stated people have their own opinions and in my opinion I feel like she was attacked by a few people....just because you don't think that doesn't mean I am wrong...no one said you had to agree with everything, did I say that? I don't think so....."How Dare You ......I didn't mean literally....If I don't like something I will speak my mind we don't all need to ignore everything

We also don't need to accuse every difference of opinion as an attack and tell people to I quote, "calm down"

[Fun&care]

EXACTLY! I remember as a child my mom would get my teachers something every year for Christmas. People do this to show appreciation to the one person who looks after the most precious gift in their lives. No one said they expected anything or that they do this job because they expect gifts. The whole point in this thread is that the women got a bottle of used tanning lotion and people are attacking her HOW DARE YOU EXPECT GIFTS...calm down ....If money was an issue I'm pretty sure there is a dollar store that sells card for a buck..

This is how I was raised too. My sons teacher and bus driver always get a little something for Christmas, and at the end of the school year too (even though they are already paid for their service!) Usually 10-15$ gift card and a card to say thank you. It just seems natural-they spend a lot of time with my child and they are providing a service that, to me, deserves to be appreciated and acknowledged above and beyond a pay cheque.

I don't expect gifts, but Ill be honest and say that I think very highly of people who take the time to show they appreciate the service I am providing.

[bright sparks]

So how is giving teachers gifts at Christmas time any different than a daycare provider?? Apart from the fact they they would receive 30 gifts opposed to 5.... I think these professions are viewed similarly in regards to a small token of appreciation. Again, it is NOT the dollar amount, but, like mentioned here before, a simple cards with some kind words etc. I think a large number of students, especially in younger grades don't think twice about a teacher's gift, and from my experience it is the norm to do the same for a daycare provider.

Thing to consider is that a new mum comes to daycare and drops of child, sometimes another parent drops off at the same time, sometimes not so they don't see what is brought into daycare and what isn't. A lot of parents go to school to drop off child, especially in kindergarten. They see other parents and kids at large showing up with gifts. This reinforces the norm and tradition of giving teachers gifts. Also teachers gifts are marketed and advertised whereas daycare provider...well maybe occasionally hallmark will have a specific card for daycare, but it isn't common and wont jump out at someone. These are significant reasons why it is not always the norm to gift daycare providers. And norms are at least in the GTA a lot less generalized with the high population of immigrants coming in daily. Culture differences effect whether someone thinks to give a gift or send nice words. I am happy if a parent follows their contract and pays me on time. Anything else is an extra.

I think there is a huge amount if not the majority, and more so in the younger grades, of kids who do NOT even think about teacher gifts. It is a parent thing, we have set those standards. My kids have certainly never ever asked me to buy a teachers gift. I am pretty sure for me it was the first Xmas that my daughter was in JK where I saw parents dropping off gifts in the morning and I have gone out that day and bought something to gift at pick up. For me I would have never have bought a teachers gift at Xmas and the end of the year. I would send in a card naturally to thank a teacher for their hard work at the end of the school year, especially if my child was not going to have that teacher again, but I would to anyone who went above and beyond. It's kind of like the mandatory tipping of any service, primarily in the hospitality industry. If a service provider of any kind goes above and beyond then in my mind they deserve a tip but just doing a great job as you have employed them to do so, why the obligatory tip or gift? I have never understood it but that is because I am coming from a very different country where this kind of gift giving and tipping is done completely different. Yes I understand servers make less money, but that isn't my fault and shouldn't be my job to make up for. Shitty service, shitty tip= no tip. I think we should not have any expectations, then if we are given something like a POS crotchless pantie set lol or a bottle of tanner we can laugh it off and not feel so hard done too. I think it takes years to get to this though, after all we are human and those norms I speak of with regards to teachers and their annual stack of gifts, can sometimes poison minds. Only I can make me happy...stuff doesn't last very long. My favourite gifts are the cards including heartfelt words...even more so than the weeks wage someone has given me for a Xmas gift. That letter will be something I can look at time and time again knowing that the particular parent took the time to write me kind words of gratitude and appreciation, but it doesn't mean the person who gave me nothing isn't as equally appreciative.

[Emma H]

Christmas is a time for giving ...If I had a child I don't need some advertisements to show me that I should buy my child's teacher or daycare provider a gift. Its something people do to show that person they appreciate them for the hard work they do. It doesn't have to be an item it can be a card which you stated yourself even though you didn't think to buy your childs teacher a gift you would still get a card...A card is a gift...a candy cane is a gift....it doesn't have to be anything be just a little something to say thank you

[bright sparks]

Christmas is a time for giving ...If I had a child I don't need some advertisements to show me that I should buy my child's teacher or daycare provider a gift. Its something people do to show that person they appreciate them for the hard work they do. It doesn't have to be an item it can be a card which you stated yourself even though you didn't think to buy your childs teacher a gift you would still get a card...A card is a gift...a candy cane is a gift....it doesn't have to be anything be just a little something to say thank you

But for those who have not grown up accustomed to that, then they would not automatically think to do it. I think you'll also find that a lot of people are not card people so they would not consider it as a gift. It is open to interpretation. I think of a gift as in "A card and a gift, two different things" that is an example of how different people view things differently. I also think that sending a card because it is the done thing is false too. I appreciate honesty and sincerity and if that is in the form of a thank you and have a great Xmas at the door which everyone seems to do, then that is good enough for me.

Some people don't celebrate Xmas, Christmas to religious folk may not buy into the whole commercial factor and those who do and have large families or limited cash flow for any reason may have set some boundaries which work for them and their current circumstances which include drawing a line somewhere.

Also as far as teachers go, my daughter has 7! She has rotary as do most kids so how do I justify who deserves a gift more than another? I have to set boundaries so I gift to the homeroom teacher in addition to any other teacher who has gone above and beyond in their position. Do I gift to a teacher who has been nothing but a burden and a massive obstacle to my child's learning that year? I have had one teacher who has really screwed my kids needs up, cost me a bunch of money in lost wages to keep having to attend meetings because they aren't doing their job adequately and I have had to pay thousands of dollars for a private assessment for one of my kids because the school system and the principal including homeroom teacher have failed to meet my child's needs. Should I still buy them a gift because it's the "right" thing to do. Everyone has different reasons for how they live. It doesn't make them bad people. Some are setting healthy boundaries and yes some just have poor judgement. Regardless, if those teachers expect a gift, that is a reflection of them not the families of the children in their class.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Christmas is a time for giving ...If I had a child I don't need some advertisements to show me that I should buy my child's teacher or daycare provider a gift. Its something people do to show that person they appreciate them for the hard work they do. It doesn't have to be an item it can be a card which you stated yourself even though you didn't think to buy your childs teacher a gift you would still get a card...A card is a gift...a candy cane is a gift....it doesn't have to be anything be just a little something to say thank you

I disagree that a teacher or day care provider should be bought gift!

I never bought teacher gift. Did not occur to me that is expected. Teacher does job, teacher gets paid. Really, never bought a teacher gift. Like tipping in Tim Horton's drive through - I order coffee, I pay for coffee. Does person really need tip for pouring and passing through window? Can't think of job where so little done for a tip. Maybe 5 seconds of work which being paid to do. Very odd.

And yes, Christmas is a time for giving NOT for expecting to receive. Whole message lost if some is demanding that Christmas is time for giving, with their hand out to receive. LOL

Message double lost because giving not about materialistic items. It is about giving thought, appreciation, kindness, thinking of others. So, in true meaning, a heart felt thank you for all you do, is all that is required.

Your family tradition might be to give physical gift, others to give home-made gift to reflect time invested in though and preparation of gift. But just as you opted to give gift and felt almost obligated to do so, other families do not. And that's perfectly okay. In fact to me, make more sense. I bet any teacher is rare that every single child in class give gift which suggest that although most do, there are some different view.

If it just needs to be words, then why associated for Christmas?

[5 Little Monkeys]

I mentioned the teachers because for me, I would not be able to give to one teacher and not the others (sometimes children have multiple staff or staff they are closer too than just their main teacher) it is easier to just give to none. Lots of parents did this in the centres I worked at. Some would give individual gifts to the staff their child was with or had a special connection too, some gave group gifts but more often than not, parents gave nothing.

I don't think anyone is attacking anybody! Just because we have different opinions or can see more than one side to it, doesn't mean attacking is going on. (Lol, just read your response bright, was typing at same time)

Bright, I agree with you in regard to tips and I was even in the restaurant environment for years...my family owned one.

[MsBell]

I am happy to share my "bad gift" moment with everyone, and yes, lets just say, I was so NOT in the mood for a long time after that one lol
One of my favourite gift was just this Christmas, one of me 3yr olds gave me a lip balm, melon flavour, (winter is hard on me, I get dry skin and chapped lips), the best was when I unwrapped it she says "I got you melon, you must like melon, cuz you give it us all the time, and its not my favourite" hehe, actually I'm cheap...melon goes a long way

[5 Little Monkeys]

I do have to admit, gifts are nice. However, a gift not at a holiday means more to me than a Christmas gift. But those who don't give gifts don't mean it as an insult I don't think?

One of my past single moms gave a small angel ornament one year that looked like it might have been regifted or from the dollar store and because I knew money was tight, I appreciated it very much even though it was something I didn't like. When they left my care, the grandma (who was very involved) and mom wrote 2 beautiful messages in a card and gave a $50 gift card (by leaving, mom saved $560 a month!!) I still read that card monthly!!

I get that gifts are nice but like mentioned above, I try not too expect one.