Advice please!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Don't feel bad. It sound like this a extra request after contract signed, above service you offered.

Lot of parent send requests list. I tend to return and say that I can't run individual programs, that I promise to take care of their child are they know from interview but day care children have to adjust and fit my program, I can't mirror all of theirs. It not practical in multi-child setting.

[ialmostcare]

Don't feel bad. It sound like this a extra request after contract signed, above service you offered.

Lot of parent send requests list. I tend to return and say that I can't run individual programs, that I promise to take care of their child are they know from interview but day care children have to adjust and fit my program, I can't mirror all of theirs. It not practical in multi-child setting.

That makes sense. I just feel that if I had asked more (better) questions, this whole situation would have been avoided. They turned down two other dayhomes for mine. I guess it's a lesson learned. Thank you for your support.

[kindertime]

Ummm... a long list of requests? Sounds like you are in for a long day, every day with this family. I was going to ask in my previous post if they are young parents. Thought better of it, but now I'm asking. Young with too much outside advice? It has been my experience, older parents are more mellow. "Sure, let 'em eat dirt."

Sounds like these parents are going to nick-pick the sh*t out of you if you keep them on.

[ialmostcare]

Ummm... a long list of requests? Sounds like you are in for a long day, every day with this family. I was going to ask in my previous post if they are young parents. Thought better of it, but now I'm asking. Young with too much outside advice? It has been my experience, older parents are more mellow. "Sure, let 'em eat dirt."

Sounds like these parents are going to nick-pick the sh*t out of you if you keep them on.

Yes, and very specific. Needs one blanket while rocking and another in the actual crib (they provided two). Needs to have bottle at certain temperature. Gave me specific times for everything (nap, lunch, bottle). Wanted to substitute some foods on my menu because she won't like them. Etc... Etc... I was a pretty slack mama compared to this, apparently. Definitely a bit of a change for me! Most of it wasn't a huge deal, but the rocking is... especially when it lasts for so long and twice a day. And then after all that, she only slept 30 minutes! lol.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Yes, and very specific. Needs one blanket while rocking and another in the actual crib (they provided two). Needs to have bottle at certain temperature. Gave me specific times for everything (nap, lunch, bottle). Wanted to substitute some foods on my menu because she won't like them. Etc... Etc... I was a pretty slack mama compared to this, apparently. Definitely a bit of a change for me! Most of it wasn't a huge deal, but the rocking is... especially when it lasts for so long and twice a day. And then after all that, she only slept 30 minutes! lol.

I've had a few like this over the year. Normally first time parent. LOL I even have one of letters here still - it say take socks off for nap, no blanket, it go on and on.

I tell parent that I will see what I can do. That it. They sometimes just need to feel a little control. If something out-right impossible, like the rocking, then I'd speak up but the silly things, they just want the comfort of knowing child has familiar routine.

In time, parent will trust judgement but for now, it's a big leap of faith even if you have brilliant references and they checked you out.

Pretty scary for first time parent to hand child over to relative stranger for most of day.

I just gradually educate. Explain that I will make sure child has extra love and attention while they adjust but they are expected to adjust to my routine, not other way around. I ask parent to write a little outline of current routine and for the first couple of week, while child getting used to new carer, new environment, new friends, I am more willing to accommodate the little oddities but then they come into my routine.

Rocking, back rubbing, carrying child all day - these can never be accommodated as can't do this for 6. Likewise meals on my schedule not the child's. This day care not cafe with endless meals for endless different kids schedules. Expecting you to mirror their meal times is not reasonable but it good information to have so if child get grumpy you know likely hungry if your lunch is later time. No meal substitutions either. The child will grow to like or not eat that part of meal. Again, not cafe.

[Lee-Bee]

Yes, and very specific. Needs one blanket while rocking and another in the actual crib (they provided two). Needs to have bottle at certain temperature. Gave me specific times for everything (nap, lunch, bottle). Wanted to substitute some foods on my menu because she won't like them. Etc... Etc... I was a pretty slack mama compared to this, apparently. Definitely a bit of a change for me! Most of it wasn't a huge deal, but the rocking is... especially when it lasts for so long and twice a day. And then after all that, she only slept 30 minutes! lol.

I know a family where they trained the child to only sleep while rocked. The mom would rock the baby in the rocker, in their dark silent room...dad would sit beside them in a chair and spoon feed mom. Hahahahaha oh, typing it makes me laugh. This is just so unrealistic. The child (through no fault of their own) literally controls every movement in the household because they didn't train him to sleep in a crib on his own. It just spells disaster.

Anyways, you'll need to send a note along saying that you are finding it unrealistic to rock their child for an hour. That they will need to either accept that group care means changes to their preferences or they will need to find another caregiver that is able and willing to cater to their child. Odds are they won't find such a caregiver without finding a private nanny.

Best of luck!! There is always a chance that the baby will adapt and quickly learn to sleep on their own! Set a solid routine, make it multi stepped (turn out lights, close blinds, sing a song, lie in crib, rub back while shhhh-ing. in time shorten it out to just shhhh-ing (no back rubbing) and eventually just plop in crib and go.

There will always be some tears, but you need to set a routine that you can phase out. Rocking to sleep cannot be phased out. Backrubs can be phased out (firm fast rub for a few days, slower rub, then softer rub, then just a still hand on the back etc). Mommy guilt sucks but they need to come to the realization that if mom wants to work outside the home things need to change for the baby. They can help the baby by making changes at home as well...or they can make it harder on everyone by doing things their way and baby having 2 very different types of care.

[flowerchild]

With my first family I made the mistake of agreeing to their nap times. The problem was, they were completely different than my daughter's nap times and who ended up suffering? She did. As well as the other children who were forced to tip toe around always because this child napped when everyone else was awake. After that I decided that anyone else who came in will adjust to our routine, not the other way around.

This child also needed complete darkness and silence to sleep and had, I'm not exaggerating, about a 5 minute window of time where if he wasn't put down at that time, he wouldn't fall asleep he would just scream (and I mean scream) bloody murder. On the odd times that he was asleep and everyone else was too, I would creep around the house like a criminal trying to be quiet. It was SO stressful.

Yes, and very specific. Needs one blanket while rocking and another in the actual crib (they provided two). Needs to have bottle at certain temperature. Gave me specific times for everything (nap, lunch, bottle). Wanted to substitute some foods on my menu because she won't like them. Etc... Etc... I was a pretty slack mama compared to this, apparently. Definitely a bit of a change for me! Most of it wasn't a huge deal, but the rocking is... especially when it lasts for so long and twice a day. And then after all that, she only slept 30 minutes! lol.

Going forward, if anyone hands you a list like this you can just say "thank you. I'll keep all this in consideration as I transition him to our routine here at daycare."

How does one determine that a bottle is a certain temperature? I've always just tested them on my wrist to make sure they weren't too hot...

Good luck! Let us know how it goes!

[bright sparks]

Ummm... a long list of requests? Sounds like you are in for a long day, every day with this family. I was going to ask in my previous post if they are young parents. Thought better of it, but now I'm asking. Young with too much outside advice? It has been my experience, older parents are more mellow. "Sure, let 'em eat dirt."

Sounds like these parents are going to nick-pick the sh*t out of you if you keep them on.

I find that it is a personality type not an age factor....I had both my kids by 20 so call me a little touchy on the stereotyping of young parents 😊 In my nearly ten years of experience, I have seen a really good mix of both. I find those parents who were older when they had their first and tried for a long time are more obsessive and neurotic. Most of my younger parents are much more open minded and collaborative in terms of working with me and taking advice versus a first time parent who is a good 10 years plus older than me who can't handle being told in any certain terms by someone of my age. Not so much an issue now, but when I first started out, my first set of parents when I was 23 with two kids in school were all mid forties. Some were great, and others clearly had initial issues with me "telling" them or advising them on what to do considering I was so young until they realized that I had some experience as a mother that counted for something regardless of my age.

To the OP... My instinct would be to tell them not only the obstacles it presents in a daycare needing to meet to needs of multiple children, but also that it is an important skill set for their child to acquire ASAP, to be able to self sooth and gain independence. Are they the kind of parents you can have a good frank conversation with? I'd talk to them really honestly about this if I was in your shoes explaining that CIO will have to happen at some point so the child learns to settle themselves and sooner rather than later is optimal not only for healthy psychosocial development but it will also be more difficult once the child heads into a resistant stage of development. Make it about them and what's best for them and I think they will be more receptive. Make it clear why it won't work in any daycare, but explain that it's in their best interest. Does she plan to have more kids, because if she does how does she expect to rock two kids, and have any kind of ability to do much else.

Don't worry about how you could have done things differently, just focus on trying to make things work and just accept that if this mother won't budge on the CIO, then termination will be the best thing for you.

[kindertime]

I find that it is a personality type not an age factor....I had both my kids by 20 so call me a little touchy on the stereotyping of young parents ��

You are absolutely right. It was a broad generalization, I meant no offense. Actually, you made me think about what I wrote. I've had those young parents I spoke about but I think what I should have said was the inexperienced, nervous ones. The ones who read too much of the "new fad" stuff. Of course, I'm sure I'll offend someone with that, too. The older parents (over 30ish) that have been here have had more kids, or been around a lot of kids, etc. and new what to expect. With the experience comes the understanding of the consequences of this kind of thing.

[MsBell]

Gotta love those parents with alll the special requests after signing on!
I am with the others, simply tell the parents that it is an unreasonable request, and if they are not ok with another way, then terminate, this will drive you crazy very quickly, and it is unfair to you and other children in care. Also, I wonder how many providers they asked about that only to be turned down, so they kept quiet about it? For me it is a big red flag, if a parent asked me to rock their child to sleep, the meeting would likely not need to continue (that and a complaint about my rate! )