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Thread: Advice please!

  1. #1

    Advice please!

    Hi all,

    I've been watching these forums for quite a while and have learned a great deal from them. I was hoping you all could provide me with a bit of advice.

    I have started a small dayhome and had my first child (9 month old girl) start today. She did pretty well - didn't cry when mom dropped her off, was happy all day, played well with my son, ate well. The only issue is that it took over an hour of rocking her to get her to nap and even then, she only napped for a half hour. According to her mom, it is typical for her to take this long to fall asleep. Her parents do not want her to cry it out; they insist that she must be rocked to sleep.

    Fortunately, my hubby was home today so he tended to my son while I was rocking her but how do I make this work while still tending to my son (and eventually other children)? I have an interview tomorrow to fill my last two spots and am wondering if I should cancel until I know what's going on with current DCG.

    Thanks in advance. :-)

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
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    IMO it is not practical to rock a child to sleep while running a day home. I think you either need to tell the parents you cannot rock her for 1 hr per day and see whether they are agreeable to a modified CIO or terminate (if they are completely inflexible about this). I would definitely interview the other clients. Why should you turn away 2 possibly great kids for one really high maintenance napper? I only suggest termination because the parents said this is a) typical and b) she must be put down this way.

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  4. #3
    Euphoric !
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    I learned this lesson the hard way too and it is a quick road to burn out. Screen for this in interviews as well.

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    Oh damn....there is no way I would take on a child with the agreement that they must be rocked to sleep. How are you supposed to take the time to do that, with multiple other small children that need to be settled down??

    I've had a few interviews with parents who do this, and I tell them that it is simply not conducive to a group care environment. The parents need to start letting her cry it out, because that's the only way you're going to be able to handle multiple little ones. I put them down, rub their back for a second, and leave. If they start wailing, so be it. For new ones, I go in after about 15-20 minutes to shush them, rub their backs, let them know it's ok, but I do NOT pick them up, as then they'll simply expect to get picked up again if they keep on crying. If she's never put herself to sleep, it's going to be a long, difficult road getting her there - and damn near impossible if her parents aren't on board.

    This is YOUR business and YOUR policies must be followed. If the parents want to "insist" on something like that, then they need to get a nanny. At this point, I'm not sure of the best advice to give you, being as you already have the child in care and have already agreed to rocking her to sleep. I'd tell the parents right away that this is not going to work long-term, sit down, and work out a plan together to get her falling asleep on her own. If they won't meet you halfway and do their part to get their child ready for group care, then personally, I wouldn't keep them. You can't be expected to rock their child to sleep for an HOUR - what if another child needs you for some reason - they throw up, climb out of a playpen and hurt themselves, have a nightmare, whatever? It is unfair and unsafe to have that much time solely devoted to one child.

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  7. #5
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    If this girl is only 9 months, is she napping in the am and pm? Cuz, wow, an hour each time? I agree with everybody else, this will become unmanageable real quick. At 9 mths, there is no reason she can't learn to sleep on her own. But you are the one who has to insist that is the only way you'll do it. It is for her own good after all.

    If she will be sleeping in the same room as the others, I would suggest you start the CIO now, so when the others start, she's at least part way there.

  8. #6
    Euphoric !
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    I would start getting her used to putting herself to sleep. Okay, so you now know that you can't rock a day care kid to sleep but you did commit to not letting her CIO.
    Focus on getting her settled before your other places fill whilst you have time to address.
    Lay her down awake. When the cry, rub back a bit and leave. Let cry for 10 mins and then go back, lay down, rub back a bit and leave again. No other interact. No chatting. No picking up. Will take a few days because it's not as quick to teach as CIO but at least it mean you not break your word.
    For future requests - consider if you can do for all children. Can't rub 4 backs at same time, can't rock 4 kids at same time, can't carry 4 kids at same time. Ask yourself can you do this request for all at same time. If answer is no, then it not a reasonable request from day home.

  9. #7
    Thank you all for taking the time to reply. I suspect I was a bit too eager to sign my first family, and should have asked more questions. I didn't discover until they had already signed the contract (and sent me a long list of "requests") that she needed to be rocked to sleep. I was hopeful that she would only need to be rocked for a few minutes and would then settle on her own, but nope... One hour later of crying/screaming/constant rocking. My own child had little trouble going to sleep as a baby, so this is as much of an adjustment for me as it is for her (DCG).

    Regardless, I think you have all confirmed what I was thinking - that I need to get parents on board with letting her cry it out (which is doubtful as they said in their list of requests that there should be "absolutely no crying it out") or I will need to terminate. I can't afford to have a dayhome with just one child (part-time at that, she's only Monday/Wednesday/Friday). :-) And if I keep her on, I wouldn't feel comfortable taking any others on.

    Thanks again.

  10. #8
    Sorry Kindertime, just noticed your question. She has both AM and PM naps, so that is two hours of rocking (and a LOT of crying/screaming) per day. Ack.

  11. #9
    Unfortunately her parents would consider that (laying her down and leaving) to be crying it out. They want her rocked constantly until she falls asleep. No putting her down. :-/

  12. #10
    Euphoric !
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    Don't feel bad. It sound like this a extra request after contract signed, above service you offered.

    Lot of parent send requests list. I tend to return and say that I can't run individual programs, that I promise to take care of their child are they know from interview but day care children have to adjust and fit my program, I can't mirror all of theirs. It not practical in multi-child setting.

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