Progress in the parenting department

[bright sparks]

My sister have big anxieties about her children too. I think based in our life in Russian village before we come here as little girls.

It is very real anxiety in her and even if I talk her through the situation and she can see that she's blowing out of proportion, the worry physically affect her. Sweaty palms, heart racing. Can actually see with own eyes the effect.

Does you child have cell phone? My sister found helpful to explain to her children that her anxiety was very real to experience although she totally understood was disproportionate (think that right word) to situation.

She asks her children to please be supportive in learning to accept them getting older and in allowing age appropriate freedoms. She asked them to please, just periodically send quick message to let her know they okay. Not big explanation about where on route they were, who was there, how much longer, just simply that they coming as agreed, and with friends and were okay.

Little steps, lot of support and honesty with children to acknowledge it your issue not theirs but you trying hard to allow the freedoms you know they deserve so please can they help enable this as you adjust.

Thank you for your kind words Suzie.

I do talk to my kids honestly. I try to make it about respect versus fear. I also make sure to reinforce regularly that this is not their fault and that there is nothing to be scared of. As much as they can comprehend I tell them. An incredible amount of adults don't understand and an adolescents mind works very differently from an adults so even if we make it clear and simple to understand, they can still interpret it differently. That is why I don't put to much emphasis on the fear to them even though in my head that's what it is.

I have tried very hard to ask them to message me or call me with a quick check in should their plans change and they not arrive home on time. My son went missing (in my mind) last year for a good 45 minutes because of his thoughtlessness, although he was just being a kid and didn't actually do anything wrong. That brought it home to my kids like a ton of bricks when they saw how I unravelled, so no more protecting them from that point, more educating them on the reality of my situation.

Fortunately so far so good. My son is a logical thinker so we have regular conversations about so many things, not because I push him but because he is genuinely intrigued by life in general that he asks me. My daughter is the one who internalizes so I touch base with her from time to time and sometimes she is fine and other times we will have some really great conversations.

Mental Health and Sexuality are dinner table talk in our house My FIL has severe mental illness that is treated and the kids have been aware of this since a young age and we encourage dialogue to reduce misunderstanding and fear. I am doing a degree in sexuality come September along with Psychology and we have a very dynamic non nuclear circle of friends and family so we talk about that a lot too. Communication is key, along with balance lol I hope through my struggles I can be stronger for them and use my experiences to help others in the future

[Lee-Bee]

I don't have much to say that will help, my daughter is only 2, but I can say that from your post you sound like you have a very good understanding of yourself. I believe that knowing how you are feeling/reacting is not appropriate for the situation, despite your very physical responses is a HUGE factor in being able to cope with your anxieties. I do believe that this type of self insight is what helps determine those that learn to function with such an anxiety and those whom get completely controlled by the anxiety. Saying this doesn't help you any and doesn't make the anxiety any less but hopefully it helps remind you that you already have much working in your favour to stay strong.