I agree with Amanda, be consistent with consequences and don't feel guilty about it. My kids are older, but my oldest son, who is now 18, was what they call today 'spirited'....there were different words for it when I was growing up. I was scared to deal with him, and some days, I didn't even want to get up because I knew it was going to be a day of him challenging me and bugging other kids. I think a lot sprouts from jealousy kids feel when siblings come along, or have daycare kids around....it was exhausting for years and i took him to counselling at age 4 to see if there was something wrong with him and advice on how to deal. Counselor said nothing wrong, he's very difficult, keep doing what you're doing. My husband was working a lot so it fell to me. It peaked around the age your daughter is now. I'd talk endlessly to him about better choices, and would give him time away but he wouldn't stay in his room, so i'd have to lock him in, and then he'd wreck his room whilst there. I was always second guessing myself. He wasn't lacking attention - quite the opposite - he was garnering it all for himself - he just didn't want to share me.... later in his early teens, he was better but could still melt down about stuff and he ended up breaking his own nose when he threw something and it bounced back and hit him there... never saw another tantrum again, and he has a crooked nose now to remind him! that was the best consequence of all! There is hope! but it takes years....my son is now so lovely and ever so helpful to me.... is on his way to becoming a paramedic! keep strong and don't give up like i often felt like doing.... I gave a lot of love and was fair and I didn't give in.