I can totally understand why dcmom was upset. I think it odd though that a parent would take their child's word 100% over their caregivers...in regards to him not telling you and she didn't seem to believe you if I read you post right.

If it were me I would have apologized profusely, and promised to deal with my daughter and she would have to apologize at drop off the next day.

What she did was definitely wrong, but part of me feels that dcmom is more wound up about it than necessary. They are just KIDS. Kids do stupid things, all the time, without considering the impact or consequences of their actions.

I feel for you, because my daughter is difficult too. She thinks she runs the daycare most days. She's come a long way though, she is much more manageable now than she was at the age of three. What works for me too is the " either/or" approach. "Pick up the toys you left out OR you don't get TV time tonight". Ive never found that time outs really worked for her, she is too strong headed so I have to "hit" where it hurts. Find what she really loves and use it against her (it sounds harsh, but it's really the only way!) for my daughter that is TV, iPad time, her favorite toys etc. and don't forget to give her lots of love in between, I feel that angry/ difficult kids need it the most.