Do you rinse out his underwear? I ask because I have a "no rinse" policy myself, and I think it helps to discourage parents from putting their child in underwear prematurely. If they have an accident it gets put in a bag and the parents can deal with it. Personally, cleaning out poop from underwear makes me gag, and most parents totally understand my not wanting to do it, and again, I think it discourages them when they realize they have to deal with it themselves, at the end of the day after it has sat in a bag for God knows how long!
Otherwise though, if he is having too many accidents I don't think it's unfair that you ask he be put in pull ups. it sounds like they are anxious for him to be potty trained but that shouldn't cost them their providers sanity. He's not ready. Plain and simple. Pull-ups back on until he is pooping on the potty consistently.
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