Help! Son's friend stole his iPad...How to approach....

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I would call in and address it face to face.

How well do you know the mother? Would it maybe better to speak to her first if good friends? That would allow her time to consider her planned consequence and to wholly support you when you confront child. It might be she suspects but in denial and accepting his explanation for these items appearing. It might be that she know truth deep down but not catch him out. If she really not know, or if she not know how to address it, I think she be grateful for having little warning about event to give her time to form plan for addressing.

I do think he should be confronted and in front of parent, just so he not able to make false accusations later or feel cocky in thinking parents not been told. Needs accountability of parent knowing too.

Some children go through phase of stealing. Used to called it kleptomania when we was kids. Take something little, no one notice. Take something mid-sized, get questioned but likely denials believed. It escalates and escalates and longer allowed to continue, then longer it will happen. Only way to stop it, is to call them on it. From my understand, they not actually want the item most of time. It about the thrill of taking it and not being court or thrill of fibbing their way out of situation.

It my belief that these are the kid who become compulsive liars as adults. People who need be center of attention and make up situations and events to put themselves there.

I would not bother phasing nicely and making facts more palatable. Down play the seriousness and kid will believe it not such a big deal. Has to be hard, fast, consequences and consistent otherwise this will become habit for life.

If parent unaware, they need to be and they need to be harsh with this. Otherwise soon be teenager stealing iphones and money from HS friends and then, he'll learn the hard way.

My mother have saying - If you not willing to teach your child right and wrong, the community will and they won't be so gentle. Sometime it hard to call your kid out when you think they are doing wrong and lot of parent mistake is belief hard evidence is needed. That not true. Parents know their kids. Parents need to parent and that not need evidence, just gut feeling. Only court of law needs hard evidence for consequence. Parents not require same proof.

EDIT - I sad to say, also have to consider if this good friend for your child. Not sure how young your child is. I tended not ban my kids from friends I did not like but instead, I speak with my boys and lead them to make that decision themselves.

With this, I think I would be leading my son through the thought process that Peter took this item. That he done it before even though caught. Best prediction for future behaviour is past behaviour and so, if Peter remains friendly with your son, chances is other things go missing again.

Lead child though is this what he wants for his possessions which he take care of? Explain too if Peter steal candy bar and your son just happen to be there, he will be charged with same crime even if not take something. Does he want police record just for being Peter's friend? Is Peter being true friend back? It really hard for kids to see they picked wrong person for friend but it good life lesson to have.