I am so done!

[bright sparks]

Good for you to cut the daycare cord.

This was supposed to be the year I get out of daycare also. It is my fifth year and it was my goal but then two years ago, i decided to make it indefinite.
I have a pretty good group, i have parents lined up for 2016 and have good parents who seem to appreciate what I do BUT I feel worn out. Everything feels like I've been there and done it and I have nothing new to prove and I spend time fantasizing about working outside the home with adults almost daily.

The grass always seem greener on the other side so I try to tell myself to think this through carefully but I am really temped to just say I can't do another winter of being trapped inside for -30 windchill or even bundling up five kids on mild days and navigating snowmeggedon sidewalks.

Sigh. It's such a tough decision.

Now with Bill 10 I wonder what I would do to get my kids into after school and before school care because BA care is going to get difficult even though my kids are 11 and 9.

It is hard to cut the cord I agree. I am coming up on my 10 year anniversary and I've been trying to get out for years. There are definite pros to this job and I don't mean to dismiss them, but I have really run myself into the ground and made myself ill in this job. I don't know why its harder on some than others...maybe those able to set clearer boundaries and really and truly stick to them lol, and I don't think it is a reflection on capabilities but I just feel so mentally under stimulated and the isolation has really taken a toll on me over the years.

I came to this country with the intention of doing my nursing degree. I had been accepted into University prior to my husbands job offer and I decided that getting the kids over and settled in school was a priority and it was perfect timing for my eldest to go into JK. Unfortunatly I just assumed as it is the same degree that I would have the entry requirements given that I'd already been accepted. Little did I know that I needed Grade 12 which isn't part of high school in the UK, so enter home daycare. I always had the intention of doing it short term and going to Uni but it is hard to give up the security of a paying job when you have kids and a mortgage to pay. No matter how much I enjoy taking care of the kids and that I have spent so much valuable time with my own kids, it has come at a massive expense to myself. I have struggled cutting the cord because it wasn't simply a case of going from self employed to employed. It was self employed to no job/full time student and then paying for that while supporting the family on 1 income for an extended period of time. I am still terrified now and I don't cry about it so much, which it sounds to me 3rdtimesacharm is out of relief and revelation at your choice, but I do constantly seem to come up with any number of excuses and reasons why this move for me is a bad one. Trying to talk myself out of it out of fear I think. I am used to the money, I absolutely love and treasure seeing my kids off every morning and greeting them home each day but I have lost my entire identity outside of being a mother and caregiver. I don't think I ever truly had one to begin with being a mother at 18 and mother of two at 20. Now is my time!

Good luck to all those embarking on new ventures. Exciting times lie ahead, and kudos to those still caring for our most prized possessions....these children are the future and each and every caregiver plays such an amazing and important role in their life. That is what I remind myself when asshat parents push my buttons. It's the kids who deserve the best of me and we'll keep drop off and pick up brief so I can focus positivity where needed and reduce the negativity so many are toxic with.