How do I discipline this child?

[ialmostcare]

Deleted for peace of mind. :-)

[mickyc]

oh I feel for you!! I wouldn't have patience for it and would likely terminate. I have found that I like to start with kids younger now for this very reason. If mom has allowed this behavior it is going to be a battle everyday!

[Discoveries]

It could be a few challenging weeks ahead, if not more.

For toy taking I would remind that we do not take toys that someone is playing with, and maybe suggest a few options. Should it continue, I say that they seem to be having trouble picking something to play, so I guide them to something to play letting them know that I will make the choice for them, as they keep taking something from someone else. Next offence I'll remind to pick something someone else is not playing with, or I will pick for you.

If he is playing rough at the train table. I would model playing nicely with someone. If he was struggling to play nicely then he would be guided away from the table to find something else to play.

Yelling, would be a constant reminder we use our indoor voice and nice words here with friends. In this case I wonder if he is modeling words he has heard often elsewhere. If it was a constant disruption for the meal, I would excuse him to finish eating up elsewhere on his own.

Before going outside there would be a reminder about not throwing sand in the sand box. First offence results in being excused from the sand box for the remainder of the day. The lid, I would set up so breaking it was not an option.

First stomping of chalk, would be a talk on playing nicely with our toys and things. Second attempt would be since you are not listening or playing nicely with the chalk, you are not to touch it anymore today.

Aggression would come with a chat at the very start of the day and cover pushing, hitting, kicking, throwing stuff at others etc. It is okay to be grumpy, sad or whatever feeling you are feeling, but it is not okay to hurt anyone here ever. It looks like repeated acts of aggression without remorse are an issue, so he may need to be your shadow at all times for a bit, to keep everyone safe until he learns to play nice.

If there is little correction at home for similar behaviors though, it may take awhile to get results. It can become unfair to the group as a whole to have so much attention focused on one to keep the group safe and happy.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Discoveries has some great advice and tips. I also agree with lee bee that you need to find what he values and use that. For one of my past handful's, it was a pink chair. She was only allowed to sit on it for afternoon snack if she had a good day. It worked like a charm!! I would advise NOT to use food though. We don't have cake (that often) and never candy so I wouldn't start that and my kids like rice cakes and I don't like the idea of using healthy food as punishment. It only teaches them that healthy food is related to punishment and that shouldn't be the case! IMO.

Decide on a game plan, how long you're willing to give it a go and talk to the parents. Give them a hard date and let them know that if you don't see improvement by xxx date, they will have to be terminated in order for you to keep your groups best interest in mind. Let them know what your plan is and hopefully they will try the same or similar at home.

At 4 years old, this behaviour could be from a few things....lack of parental discipline, could just be his personality and/or the inconsistenticy from multiple dc's and likely a mat leave with mom? This boy sounds like he needs a constant firm provider in his life....if you're up for it, this might be you!! Good luck!!! Some trying days are sure to be in your future!

[Van]

sorry - wrong thread, LOL

[Van]

He also could be bored and ready to move on to a new daycare

[ialmostcare]

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, and for the suggestions. I will keep those in mind if I run into this issue again in the future. For now, I have decided to terminate care as I feel it is best for not only myself but for the other children in my care. I am editing my posts (is there a way to delete them completely?), just in case.

[babydom]

Can't delete completely unless u contact an admin and they can delete it.

[Lee-Bee]

Where was this child before he started with you (today) was he in another daycare or home on extended mat leave with mom and sister? Was it the younger sister's first day too?

Do you sense he is just not used to being disciplined and has been allowed to act this way without consequence or do you suspect he is acting out because he is unhappy about having to go to daycare?

I would plan some really good snacks tomorrow (like candy and cake) and give him a warning before that if he doesn't behave he doesn't get any. Then give him rice cakes for snack as everyone else eats candy and cake. While I totally don't usually approve of using food as punishment/rewards you need to use a form of punishment that means something to him to get the point across and this might be a good lead in. Repeat the next day with something equally as good in hopes he behaves...then hopefully you have him on a good roll and can work your way back to normal snacks!

It sounds like time outs and lectures won't be enough. Try tv time for the other kids with him in another room with just books. A 4yr old may feel that consequence hit home more than a lecture!

[ialmostcare]

Editing for peace of mind. :-)