Extreme tantrums - help please!

[hockey mom]

Hi there! I've had a dcg since she was 15 months. Until she was about 26 months she used to violently bang her head on the floor when she was upset. There was a brief period (a few months) when her vocabulary increased and the banging stopped and things sailed along smoothly. Now, for the last few months she has been having HUGE screaming tantrums several times a day. Usually they are for something ridiculous. I'm very firm with my rules and have tried the usual consequences. To top it off she has now started screaming "hug me!" while tantruming (I don't --- I tell her that when she screams and stomps she makes me feel angry but I will hug her when she settles down and I give her affection and praise when she is behaving appropriately). I've been very open with the mom and she has the same issues but, being a single mom with a difficult child, I think she gives in quite a bit to avoid tantrums. For example, she came today with a pj shirt because she could only get her "half dressed" (I.e, without a tantrum). I would like to avoid terming this girl but she's making me crazy! Any advice?

[Fun&care]

She sounds like a tired kid to me. How/what are her sleeping habits? It's usually the first thing I investigate when a child starts acting up and having tantrums over menial things.

In the end if it ends up that her sleep habits are fine, and this is behavioral I would be strongly tempted to terminate this child and recommend that they go to a center where they have more staff to deal with this behavior. It's a lot of stress for just one person to handle on top of the rest of the kids you have to care for.

Everyone is different and while some providers may have the skills and patience to work with a child like this, for me it would be the end of the road, I would be calling it quits in the name of my sanity.

[martymonty]

I had a dc child like this and I kept him for almost 3 years and it sucked me dry......I would never do it again.....you also have to worry that she could hurt the others if she gets upset enough.....I'd be very upfront with the mom and tell her if the behaviour does not stop, then dc child will be terminated and stand firm to what you tell her.....mine was a single mom too and I constantly spoke to her and tried to help this little guy as I had come to care a great deal for him, but in the end, it was just to much and was not fair to the other children....good luck

[Busy ECE mommy]

I'm surprised you tolerated it this long. I had a behavioural child stay for 9 months, and each day I was stressed to the max and the rest of the kids suffered from the stress too. I vowed I would never do it again-it's not worth the emotional toll that it takes on everyone. Set a timeline for a probationary period to see improvement, and if it continues, then it's time to let them go. We can't be everything to everyone, and sometimes have to realize that it's not going to work.

[Kath]

Good advice here! I was going to post something similar about a long time client who recently came back from vacation. Debating terminating due to total non compliance and violent temper tantrums. It is SO stressful for all the kids and me.
I hear from the mom "it's not worth the battle to get him to... (get himself dressed, leave the toys at home)" and then tell me he behaves well for her. Not buying it.