20 Month Old Still On Purees & Barely Self Feeding Spoon

[bright sparks]

Baffling. It really is detrimental to the children in these cases. As much as it is there child to raise...they need to understand that other adults (even those they pay for childcare) do not have to do things the same way, especially when it is detrimental to the child.

I know a mom that was afraid to dress her own child because she thought she would hurt him in the process. At 6 months of age she had the father put the child in his swim suit in the morning before work so she wouldn't have to bend his arms to fit him in the shirt. Many days she left him unclothed (with diaper) until dad returned from work rather than change his clothes. Can you imagine having such fears while trying to raise a child? How does a child interpret such behavior? This mom was otherwise a perfectly normal, working lady. She just couldn't handle the responsibility of raising a child.

Poor woman!! Hopefully she got help. I'm sure this woman was in fact very far from a perfectly normal working lady. This is a significant problem likely not all she was dealing with. People have a way of putting on a front for the benefit of others while they are quietly suffering on the inside. This breaks my heart.

[Teagansmom]

How is the child's health otherwise? Meeting milestones, gaining weight etc?

[nannywhack]

Thanks for the input everyone!

I should mention that although mom sometimes doesn't seem to acknowledge the points I bring up and try to discuss, she does sometimes take into consideration what I'm saying. For example, I had mentioned on a few occasions cutting down/out bottles but didn't feel like she was on board (I was giving dcb 3 bottles a day at that point plus mom was feeding him 2 at home!!!). Then after trying to discuss it again at a Friday pick up, dcb and mom returned on Monday morning to tell me they successfully cut out two bottles. I was asked to continue giving 1 bottle a day. And yes, he still gets that bottle now! Dcb completely rejected the sippy after months of me trying. I have successfully taught him to drink from a big boy cup but he is still quite messy. I know I need to stop the bottle too and have been working on the transition with dcb without even discussing with mom.

Teagansmom, regarding development, dcb was born prematurely by about 2 months. His fine motor skills are quite good. We do a lot of fine motor practice and he is more advanced than my 18 month old. His overall developmental seems to be on par for his age.

I blame myself for letting it this get to this point. This was my first dck. I found it hard to be direct and firm in the beginning even though I didn't agree with a lot of requests. I've already reviewed my policies to ensure this doesn't happen again. There is definitely a learning curve when starting a home daycare!

[playfelt]

I would be setting a guideline of expectation that by 24 months child should have advanced to the level you would normally expect of an 18-20 month old which allows for his prematurity. That said it means no bottles at daycare and use of a sippy cup, feeding self finger foods and attempting to use a spoon or at least know what it is for even if they can't actually get food to the mouth etc. Sounds to me like mom got caught up in the prematurity and forgot the part about them catching up over time and that the goal was the same as for any child and to gradually push them to the next developmental level.

As to the puree that comes I use infant cereal to thicken it to a pudding consistency so easier for me to feed or child to feed themselves - ie neither one of us slops it everywhere. Also as of a certain date child should be eating the daycare menu so that you are no longer having to specially prepare his foods.

[Lee-Bee]

If he was around 2months preemie there is a good chance he had feeding issues in those early days and the mom definitely may still be fixated on that. Just happy he eats so not wanting to rock the boat by moving to the next step. Completely understandable...BUT she does need some help to move past that so the child can get caught up.

My daughter was 5weeks premature, luckily she had no feeding issues, from what I remember it is until about age 2 that they are referred to by their gestational age (if otherwise healthy). So, while some leeway can be given the child definitely should be further along or at least have home encouraging him to be further along than strained purees.

Maybe when approaching mom do it gently noting how far the boy has come from being X weeks early etc...so she can see you understand where they came from and she feels you are acknowledging that the child is "special" in that he started off at a different level than his peers. Perhaps this will help mom be a bit more open and accepting of your nudging them along!

[kindertime]

Teagansmom, regarding development, dcb was born prematurely by about 2 months. His fine motor skills are quite good. We do a lot of fine motor practice and he is more advanced than my 18 month old. His overall developmental seems to be on par for his age.

This information does change things a bit. If he was born 20 mths ago but was 2 months premature, then he is considered 18mths. That is untill his 2nd birthday, then they go by birthdate in terms of development.

Are there any resourses in your area for parents, children or caregivers? In Ottawa, I have worked with Andrew Fleck and the Children's Treatment Centre and in Quebec we have CLSCs and Pavillon du Parc. They all help with children with special needs and famillies that need support. I don't know, of course, because I have not seen this dcb, but it is possible that he has a slight delay that requires specialized interventions. Some occupational therapy, maybe.

It may just be a hurdle, he may get past it soon, who knows, but it might be worth looking into it. Do you think the mom would be open to this? If you found a resourse, would she call them? Would she give you permission (in writing) to call on her behalf? If it turned out that he could have an occupational therapist come to your house 3x/week at lunch time for 1/2 hour, would you be open to that?

Fine motor skills are different from chewing and swallowing. There can be serious issues with this and not in other areas of development.

I am just asking these questions, as things for you to contemplate. If you aren't aware of any resourses like the kind I've mentioned, I'm sure some of us could help with that.

[nannywhack]

Kindertime, looking into outside resources is a great option I hadn't thought of. It's hard to say if dcm would be on board with an occupational therapist coming to my home. Dcb does have follow ups with specialists aside from his pediatrician but I get minimal information regarding these visits.

I have had a pretty successful week with the spoon feeding and I know we're on the right track in that department. But the food issues in general still need to be addressed. I'll keep working at it and will hopefully get some outside help. Thanks for your advice!