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  1. #11
    Expansive... babydom's Avatar
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    Susie......"Holy - it not worth getting so upset about."
    That's a bit harsh. It's not ur place to tell someone how to feel. What upsets one person may not faze another. And that doesn't make it wrong. We're all entitled to feel whatever we want and don't need someone telling us not to feel that way when we are already upset.
    Also your comment....
    "So what if she doesn't play with it at home? If you need to have a "teachable moment" out of everything, teach the sad kids that life isn't always fair. LOL". I don't find that funny. I actually feel For those poor kids.

    And I would have sat right there and then and gave the "teachable" moment. Saying look how billy and Carly are upset because they have been waiting for their turn, this was your gift to our daycare...etc...and got mom to back me up. I've actaully done that before as no one was watching out for the upset kids. Everyone was all engross in the one spoiled child yelling and whining. It worked for me and the toy remaind here.

    My advice to the OP is don't allow outside toys from that child again . It will just defuse the situation from happing again and give the child a talk about it too when she comes back in your care. Good luck!! The joys of kids and NOT sharing!!!

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  3. #12
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker View Post
    I not really worried about what you think. But I am happy not to have interaction with you. Lot of people here who think their view is only one of significance. And lash out at those who hold different view expect them to fall into line. If Rachel also not put up with it, I think I would like her a lot.
    I don't think anyone has a problem with a difference of opinion, I can only speak for myself though. The impression I get, and please folks correct me if I'm wrong, but it's not about agreeing or disagreeing, it's about being respectful in how you communicate that. Now I understand as you have said before that you are of a different culture where you speak your mind and are to the point, which I do prefer tenfold over passiveness, or even worse, passive aggressiveness, but Its when you ridicule/belittle/negate people by making light of their opinion and make them sound like what they think is insignificant by belittling them is what bothers people most. You can disagree strongly without crossing the line to being flat out rude. People come here to vent, agree, don't agree, but to flat out and abruptly belittle people is not a good trait that I think most would agree with. Perhaps people are able to offload here and do a better job on a day to day basis as a result. If that includes mouthing off on how someone gets their blood boiling, who are any of us to judge in a place where members are welcome to come and do as such. Disagreeing with a persons actions is different from telling them in not so many words that they are ridiculous for feeling a certain way...yes I paraphrase because you didn't say that, but it was implied. I have strongly disagreed with people without being aggressive. I think sometimes it isn't what you say, but how you say it which is the problem.

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  5. #13
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by babydom View Post

    My advice to the OP is don't allow outside toys from that child again . It will just defuse the situation from happing again and give the child a talk about it too when she comes back in your care. Good luck!! The joys of kids and NOT sharing!!!
    I didn't interpret this as being an outside toy issue. This toy was given to the daycare. It wasn't a case of bringing something from home to play with to then take it home....this I never allow. This parent should have backed up the agreement they made with both their child that morning and with the provider who received the toy for the daycare. I would have regardless of the chaos ensuing everywhere else, not given the toy back as it wasn't theirs to take anymore. It would have not required any kind of confrontation with the parent as I have a rule that all daycare families are aware of from day one. My house, my rules. I would have said my piece and then ushered them out the door....tantrum and all. It is a daycare toy now and your friends are playing with it. We will see you tomorrow when you can have a turn again. End of!

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  7. #14
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    ^^^^^^well said bright.

    Ya I get that. I was saying like don't recieve a "gift" from her again as she'll try to take it home again. Lol.
    Last edited by babydom; 04-28-2015 at 11:06 AM.

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  9. #15
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    I had one family who quite often asked if I would like to have a few toys or even hand me downs for my own children. The daycare boy was 2 and would proudly bring in the new toy that we were given. There were very few issues at home time because, through out the day, dcb would say "that's MY toy, it is from MY house!". And then I would say "yes, it was yours, but you have decided to bring it to my house house now so all our friends can play with it, that was so very nice of you!" and I would encourage the others to acknowledge that this was a gift from dcb and that we should all say thank you etc etc. If there was an issue at home time I would not be impressed with the mother taking it back just because the child was having a tantrum. It is most certainly an excellent teaching moment and now the child haas taken two steps back in his sharing skills and it goes without saying that he has his mom wrapped around his finger. It is too bad.

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  11. #16
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    I agree that it was a teachable moment and that it still can be. Maybe spend some time in the next few weeks teaching more about the act of giving. I would gently want to make sure that my daycare group understood that what took place was not a good thing.

    If it was my own child I would have been firm on that once you give a gift it no longer belongs to you, it is not yours. It now belongs to who you gave it to. To take something not belonging to you is theft.

    I would send a note home saying thank you for the kind gesture, but that at this time you feel it may be best not to accept toy donations to the daycare from children enrolled in care. Her intention was good.

  12. #17
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    How frustrating!

    I'm not sure what I would have done. With my own kids there would be no way I would have taken the gift back. You give something, it's no longer yours to take. If there was a tantrum, I would have picked them up and carried them out to continue the discussion in the car.

    Did DCM say anything today at drop off? Apology? Bring it back after a discussion with the child? Act sheepish?

  13. #18
    Euphoric !
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    Sometimes in front of other parents is the time to bring something up because it is a teachable moment for everyone. A simple I'm sorry I thought the costume was a gift for the daycare. I misunderstood. Please disregard the thank you note I put in XXX's bag then. And then say well then I guess I will have to remind you that we have a no toys from home brought to daycare because as you can see it causes negative issues and leaves everyone upset.

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  15. #19
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    I think when you look at the INTENT of what mom was trying to do - she meant well.

    She thought she would help you, your daycare and make the other kids happy by sharing something. She didn't foresee that her own child would be so upset about it.

    I think you handled it the best you could. You really couldn't refuse to give it back so the whole thing sounds sucky but you had no other choice.

    I had a daycare family bring in a toy horse that was about 4 inches tall because one of the daycare girls had two the same. I think it was a few months of me hearing from her that it was her horse and that she was the one who brought it to daycare and how she didn't want so and so playing with it that made me regret ever adding it to the toy collection.

    I think having parents bring in things is generally not going to go well. The thought behind it is nice but it tends to turn into a problem when a child can stake a claim to something as 'theirs' versus things that belong to the whole group.

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  17. #20
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    I would have been annoyed too, and I probably wouldn't have said anything but my silence would have spoken volumes. I LOVE playfelt's response! That is exactly what my silence would be conveying, lol.

    I also agree with this being an awesome place to seek advice, bounce ideas and yes VENT. Who else GETS what we do and deal with on a daily basis? To all the posters, don't let anyone's tone or lack of politeness deter you from posting exactly what you want to post! Ever! The support here is amazing. It's awesome to get such a wealth of opinions in one place, but every and all opinions can be expressed in a mature and tactful way. We're all grown ups here. I hope you all are having an awesome rest time...I'm enjoying myself some cake as we type

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