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  1. #1
    Expansive... Other Mummy's Avatar
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    DCM dropped the ball on handling a very teachable moment!

    What would you ladies have done in this situation....I had a daycare mom bring a mermaid costume to add to our collection. Dcg was excited to give it to us and off we went to start our day. dcg got to wear it first then we took turns and put it away for the day. This afternoon, another dcg was wearing it when the mom who brought it rang the bell. I ushered dcg upstairs we she immediately had a meltdown that she wanted the mermaid costume back. At this point, I had another dcp at the door. The other littles were starting to fight. I could hear dcm coddling dcg telling her that I will be getting the costume in a minute for them so they can leave. So I just took the costume off the other dcg got the costume and handed it to dcm. The other children waiting for their turn with the 'new' costume started to cry. I felt it should have been dcm's job to explain to her child that you don't give something and then take it back. IT was a teachable moment and dcm dropped the ball. I think dcm could see my face that I wasn't pleased. More salt to rub in the wound, when they get home and see the beautiful decorated card that I made thanking dcg for her 'gift' to the daycare. Blah. dcg is very entitled and coddled. Drives me batty. Normally I would never allow outside toys at daycare. However, this was a 'gift' for the daycare. Feeling very annoyed.

    Would any of you done any differently? If I didn't have other parents at the door and crying children to attend to, I would have sat for a moment with the dcg and dcm and explained how giving a gift means you DON'T ask for it back. That all her friends will be sad now that she took it. I bet she won't even play with it at home.

  2. #2
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    I guess I would have done what you did. In that situation, there's really no other option other than making a big scene.

    Do you sometimes feel parents need to go back to daycare too?

  3. #3
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    Parents are people too. Imperfect people who get things wrong.

    So Mom got it wrong, in your view. So the kid is over-indulged in your view. Not saying you wrong, just saying that I am sure when my first child was still only child, I made lot of mistakes and it only having experience of caring for many, many children over decades that I can truly see some of those moment where I totally got it wrong.

    What I not have, is a day care provider, looking down her nose and being judgy about my errors and then venting on world wide forum about me making wrong call.

    Holy - it not worth getting so upset about.

    Was it right? To be honest, who cares. Would you rather be right or happy? Just shrug and let it go.

    If I didn't have other parents at the door and crying children to attend to, I would have sat for a moment with the dcg and dcm and explained how giving a gift means you DON'T ask for it back. That all her friends will be sad now that she took it. I bet she won't even play with it at home.
    LOL Seriously? It one thing to sit down with a child as part of our job and to explain this but it very patronising to do that with a grown adult who doesn't care what your opinion is.

    She is not bothered that you think her wrong. She is only bothered by fact kid likely wants it back. Had you sat down with Mom is such a manner, you'd have irritated her immensely because she would feel you were shaming her in front of her child. That not your place. A day care parent is not obligated to listen to your teachable moments.

    So what if she doesn't play with it at home? If you need to have a "teachable moment" out of everything, teach the sad kids that life isn't always fair. LOL
    Last edited by Suzie_Homemaker; 04-28-2015 at 06:29 AM.

  4. #4
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    I had this exact situation too!! Mom and dcg brought in an item that she never played with and mom was going to sell in their yard sale but she brought it here first and asked if dc would like it. I said, sure.

    The kids loved it (drs trolley) and they all played with it all day.

    Fast forward to pick up time with dad. She was last child here and threw a FIT!!! She refused to come up the stairs where we were already. She was crying, whining, wailing that she wanted her toy back. I will say that at first dad did well and said no they didn't need it, she could play with it here, it was a gift blah blah blah but he eventually caved when she started to drag it up the stairs herself. I was so shocked at how it went that I was speechless lol. I talked to her the next day about it and said that her home toys were not allowed to come to dc again.

  5. #5
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    I agree with you Susie that first time parents do make a lot of mistakes, I myself being no exception. I have to remind myself often that there are things that seem obvious to me because I have cared for so many kids for so long and learned so much, but this isn't the case for most parents, especially first time parents.

    However, what I do not agree with, is telling people what they should and should not be upset about. That is not your place. If someone wants to vent on this forum about whatever, it is their right do to so. I think in this case the bigger picture is that these parents coddle their child often and the provider probably feels powerless so she came here to vent about an incident.

    I would be upset too, though there isn't much you can do. I would simply not let the child bring toys to daycare again.

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  7. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fun&care View Post
    However, what I do not agree with, is telling people what they should and should not be upset about. That is not your place. If someone wants to vent on this forum about whatever, it is their right do to so. I think in this case the bigger picture is that these parents coddle their child often and the provider probably feels powerless so she came here to vent about an incident.
    That okay. I not mind you feel I shouldn't have this view. If I got upset about your view being different to mine, then we would all be the same person.

    I am amused that you post to state you think it is not my place to tell people what they shouldn't get upset about. But you think it YOUR place to tell me what I can comment on.

  8. #7
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    This forum is great for venting as I feel you folks are my 'co-workers and peers' The fact that dcm showed very poor judgement seriously did not keep me up at night LOL. So thanks for the feedback Suzie-Homemaker and I do agree on some of your points....I did not need a 'lesson' on how to feel or run my daycare. If a parent is not correcting a child's bad behaviour in my home I WILL do it and HAVE done it. Unfortunately, I was not provided the opportunity as more pressing matters where at hand....taking care of the children that were clearly distressed at having their turn to wear the costume ripped away. As for posting the vent on the "world wide web forum"...big deal. I did not use her name and clearly was meant for the group.

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  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Other Mummy View Post
    This forum is great for venting as I feel you folks are my 'co-workers and peers' The fact that dcm showed very poor judgement seriously did not keep me up at night LOL. So thanks for the feedback Suzie-Homemaker and I do agree on some of your points....I did not need a 'lesson' on how to feel or run my daycare. If a parent is not correcting a child's bad behaviour in my home I WILL do it and HAVE done it. Unfortunately, I was not provided the opportunity as more pressing matters where at hand....taking care of the children that were clearly distressed at having their turn to wear the costume ripped away. As for posting the vent on the "world wide web forum"...big deal. I did not use her name and clearly was meant for the group.
    That my point. You get upset about lesson in day care - but feel you entitled to a teachable moment. You not like being called on it but you feel it okay to do that to parent. Some providers seem to forget they not entitled to teachable moments with grown ups.

  11. #9
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    Suzie it is uncanny how much you sound like Rachael. I've read enough of your posts that I would be willing to bet A LOT that you are indeed her.

    And if that's the case, I am not going to bother trying to explain myself again and go back and forth with you. You spend so much of your time being defensive that you don't actually try to understand what some of us are trying to say.

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  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fun&care View Post
    Suzie it is uncanny how much you sound like Rachael. I've read enough of your posts that I would be willing to bet A LOT that you are indeed her.

    And if that's the case, I am not going to bother trying to explain myself again and go back and forth with you. You spend so much of your time being defensive that you don't actually try to understand what some of us are trying to say.
    I not really worried about what you think. But I am happy not to have interaction with you. Lot of people here who think their view is only one of significance. And lash out at those who hold different view expect them to fall into line. If Rachel also not put up with it, I think I would like her a lot.

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