Toilet training-special needs

[Busy ECE mommy]

I have a daycare child who will not be 2 until the Fall. Mom told me the other day that they will begin toilet training this summer. The child has delays across the board, which parents won't acknowledge. Communication skills and motor skills are significantly delayed. Is there a tactful way to explain that the child isn't ready, if they can't communicate the need to go/ or have already gone, as well as inability to use stairs to get to bathroom, and inability to pull pants up/down. I gently used the "gender stereotype" that most boys aren't ready until at least 2.5 years, but was taken aback at the request, and couldn't come up with a good answer on the spot. Suggestions please!

[bright sparks]

I give them a checklist of skills required prior to starting to toilet train in daycare. Say they are mandatory and should they want to train prior to these milestones being met, they can feel free to take a few weeks off work and work one on one at home for a few weeks, because it will not be happening at daycare otherwise.

I can send you my handout to give them if you'd like.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I also have list of requirement for child before training begin. Things like able to follow simple instruction like 'go pee', walk to potty, pull down own pant and underwear, speak when done, pull up own pant, etc. If they need help with these things, then they not ready.

Me walking child to bathroom, pulling pant down, lifting on potty, peeking into potty, lifting child off, wiping, pulling up pant, - Is NOT independent toileting.

[playfelt]

Mostly just let the parents find out for themselves that it is not working. Just because they start in the summer at home - evenings and weekends, doesn't mean you have to do it at daycare till you feel the child is ready to cooperate in a group environment which can take longer to happen.

Mostly with special needs it can become a clock method where they don't always associate the need to go with getting to the bathroom and doing it so they are put on the potty every so many minutes and given the chance to go.

[kindertime]

I have never considered having an actual checklist to give to the parents first. That's a great idea.

[kindertime]

I have a daycare child who will not be 2 until the Fall. Mom told me the other day that they will begin toilet training this summer. The child has delays across the board, which parents won't acknowledge.

This can be hard. For everybody. The dcb is still only 18mths and so the parents may not be able to see the kinds of delays you can see because you have much more experience with children. (This is a broad generalization because I don't know any of you.) It could also be difficult to see because he is their baby and they want to see the best in everything.

Do you use any type of checklist, or developmental chart with the kids? If you had one, would you? I have found when dealing with special needs, figuring out specifically what they are has to be the first step. You can't deal with what you don't know.

So if his motor skills are delayed, then how? What aspect? If you could put it in writing, over a period of, say, a couple of weeks, specifically what you are observing, it would be easier to put into words for the parents. Some kids don't walk till 20-24 months and have no other delays, ever. But if it is more than that, having a written record would be very helpful.

The course Observation Skills is a whole semester in ECE. Doing this kind of thing can be difficult in home daycare because we are usually alone and doing everything else too but it can be worth it if it helps support the child and family.

And, in defense of the parent, I have often said I wanted to do something, only to realize later on that it was more wishful thinking than reality talking.

[Busy ECE mommy]

I have done 2 different screening checklists with him at the 12/15/18mos age when he was seeing the doctor. Parents won't discuss with me what the doctor said, and are not doing any followup that I am aware of. He was ticking all the boxes for autism. The delays are in many areas-communication/social/fine&gross motor/problem solving/peer relations etc.

[kindertime]

Okay, well you are well prepared then. If the parents aren't communicating any of this with you, then there isn't much more you can do.

Make your list of things you need him to be able to do before you will get into the training at daycare. They plan this for the summer, so I don't think, (unless you want to,) you don't need to bring it up now. The next time they bring it up, just tell them he is not ready by these criteria... and give them your list. They are free to do whatever they want at home. If they are clearly not interested in your input on his development, there's nothing you can do about it. I would imagine delays that serious have got to be difficult to face and some people are better at it than others.

I can envision a thread 2 months from now, "They brought him in underwear." So, if they are starting without you, my advice is make it clear, diapers (or pull-ups) only - until you say otherwise. Good luck.

[bright sparks]

I have done 2 different screening checklists with him at the 12/15/18mos age when he was seeing the doctor. Parents won't discuss with me what the doctor said, and are not doing any followup that I am aware of. He was ticking all the boxes for autism. The delays are in many areas-communication/social/fine&gross motor/problem solving/peer relations etc.

The problems with these clusters that you describe, is that they are commonly attributed to a child being delayed not actually special needs so the doctors are wary about diagnosing so young in case that is all it is and they indeed catch up which many times they do. I wish there was a better system for testing because early detection of autism, between 2 and 3 at the oldest is when there are actual things that can be done to reverse it. It`s done in the US but not here.

My biggest head shake, regardless of his special needs is this ongoing issue of training a child prior to 2 years where the odds are they will not be physically or mentally ready too. There is always someone who trained before 2 and there is so much BS on the internet reinforcing the method of early training which drives me nuts. Each to their own, but I can't tell you how sick I am of parents, primarily first time mums, who want to train prior to their child's 2nd birthday. Or the ones who say oh they are 2 now, time to potty train, like being 2 automatically gives them the ability to do it. Hence my checklist. It is a handout called "Prepping for the potty" The key milestones a child must have met to train in daycare, in addition to the physical and emotional skills required to be ready to train. Doesn`t sound like this kid has any of them, but not surprising given that he is only 18 mths and that is before any of the delays you mentioned. I`d give them the checklist to work on and revisit it in the form of a conversation on or around his 2nd birthday to update mum on his progress in daycare. I also have outlined that with the extra distractions at daycare, and the fact that they are not the only one here unlike home, generally, they have to be demonstrating these requirements at daycare regularly before starting and that may be later than at home. That may not be true, but that is to cover my bases with those parent`s who over exaggerate their child`s abilities or just lie.