Issues with neighbourhood kids

[MonkeyPrincess]

My kids are 7.5 (son) and 4.5.(daughter). Some of the kids they play with are twin siblings ( M and L, 9) and another set of siblings, MI (9) and K (6).

we have been having problems with MI and K for the last few weeks. They are always around! they always invite themselves over and they cause trouble. They cause fights, which lead to the twins leaving and my kids always end up in tears. They are bossy and have bad manners. They are downright mean and exclude kids from.play. They will play but not tidy, even when told. The dont use the best language (friggin, or crap for example) I am always correcting them, always re-directing! I have told them if they cant play nicely then they cant play here anymore but they always seem to invite themselves

. They ride their bikes on the road, all over my grass and through my garden, and up and down the driveway even after being told not to so maNY times. K smashed into the side of my van 2 wks ago. There is a 6 inch scrape on my van because of her bike. I am still mad about it. Last week all the kids were at MI and K's on the lawn playinG cards. K kicked my son, he cried and hobbled over to my huby, who was outside. My hubby says he saw her do it. I went over and asked her about it and she denied it and kept turning her back and ignoring me when I was talking to her. So I asked her mom to come out speak to her. She denied it again. Mom said she isnt usually like that and asked what my son did to her for her to kick him. That pissed me off but the boys defended my son and said he did nothing to her, she wss mad because her brother told her she couldnt play. I told her my hubby saw her do it. K started crying and admitted it. Her mom spoke to her and she was sent inside. Mom apologized to me but hasn't really.spoken to me since.

MI and K are not supervised around the neighbourhood. Their parents are never out watching them. there are 4 adults (including their parents) and a teenage sister living in their house and no one ever watches them. They follow us places without being invited And without telling their parents. M and L's mom is having issues with them too.

What else can I do. I have just about lost My patience With those.kids.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I don't want to be mean or unfair but I am tired of telling them the rules and tired of them breaking our rules and being causing problems For everyone What else can I do to get message across too them? how can I talk to the mom about what's going on? I don't know her that well.

[Lee-Bee]

I feel for you! I would think you need to be firm, really firm. Have them play inside, not outside (easier to direct). If they break a rule (that you have clearly laid out) then firmly, clearly and explicitly tell them it is time for them to go home, they can come play another day when they are ready to listen and behave. Every time they come, kick them out when they don't follow your rules.

It sucks, nothing like having to be disciplining other people's kids. But, if they are not being supervised and are inviting themselves over then you need to either just send them home without letting them in, or let them in and send them home when they aren't behaving. At 6 and ( years they are old enough to eventually figure out how to act around you. If not...then they will eventually chose to not come over, as they will get sick of being kicked out!

Their parents may not like it...but ultimately if they are not supervising then you are in charge. Your house, your rules.

[bright sparks]

I don't want to be mean or unfair but I am tired of telling them the rules and tired of them breaking our rules and being causing problems For everyone What else can I do to get message across too them? how can I talk to the mom about what's going on? I don't know her that well.

I think it is about time they are made to deal with some true consequences. Seems like you are redirecting a child who is in an age group where redirection shouldn't be necessary. They are old enough to understand. If you are constantly correcting them, they carry on being disrespectful and behaving badly, to go through that cycle again, then they are not listening to you, and frankly why should they care?!? If there are no consequences for their actions then there is no incentive to actually act differently. When they invite themselves over, you need to tell them to the point, no thank you not today. If they persist, then break it down for them even more. Due to the number of incidents like hurting other kids and lying about it, and damaging property along with never doing as they are told, they are not allowed to hang out today. If it comes to it, say very clearly and firmly, "Go Home! Until you are capable of doing as you are told, you are not welcome here." It may sound harsh, but it isn't. For them to learn to be well behaved, they have to be taught and it seems that nobody at home is putting in the hard work to discipline them and you are limited to choice words which after repeated times they don't care about because it's just hot air.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I would not let them onto my property either. They have had many chance and not doing as asked so I would not permit them around my children.

I would tell them firmly that they are not welcome and to please leave immediately. Nothing more need saying since it appear they not able to reason or take your comments on board.

[babydom]

I have had the same and I cut ties with the kids. My kids would not be allowed over to their house in or out and those kids were not allowed anywhere on my property. If they ran over to play when we were out front I said go home please you can not play here anymore. I even had to one time put my hands gently on the child to gesture her to leave. Another time she wouldn't leave so I brought my kids over to her house rang bell and told mom to please come remove your child from my yard as she isn't allowed there. Other times we would go inside till she got the hint and went home. It'll take a while doing these things at first but after a mth she got the hint and does not attempt to come over anymore. Good luck!

[flowerchild]

I feel for you! I would think you need to be firm, really firm. Have them play inside, not outside (easier to direct). If they break a rule (that you have clearly laid out) then firmly, clearly and explicitly tell them it is time for them to go home, they can come play another day when they are ready to listen and behave. Every time they come, kick them out when they don't follow your rules.

I agree with this, except for the inside the house part. No way would they be coming inside my house. They need to earn that privilege and it doesn't sound like that will happen anytime soon.

If you are already having them inside your house, then I think you need to be incredibly firm and incredibly consistent with follow through. ie. "Please don't jump on my couches." Child jumps on couches. "OK, time to go home." Child complains. "I'm sorry, but since you cannot follow my rules, you cannot be in my house. You may try again next time. Goodbye" Same with when outside.

If their mom wasn't going to address her child's behaviour until four or five different people corroborated the story, I wouldn't plan on any support from her. Especially since her first response was "well, what did your kid do to her?"

[MonkeyPrincess]

Thanks for all your Input. It's nice to be able to ask for advice and have multiple people Reply.

the 6 yr old wanted to come over to my house today. Told her no, not todAy. I was caught off guard when she asked why not. I just told her I have all my daycare kids.and I am really busy. It was not the right time to have a chat with her about her behaviour because other parents were around.

When all the dckids were gone she invited herself over to our driveway. my son reminded her of the rules snd get this- she told him to be quiet because he is not he boss of her!. So I spoke up and told her that she was playing at our house and I am the boss here and we have rules if you want to play here. She wouldn't look at me and ignored me as I spoke. I kneeled Down in front of her and reminded her of past incidents and told her she can't play if she is rude doesn't follow our rules. So she left to play on her own driveway. The nerve of the kid!

I have to muster up the courage to say something to her parents. i am usually pretty assertive and well spoken but I do not like confrontation at all..it does a number on my anxiety, especially knowing it's going to be awkward seeing them around the neighbourhood. I dont want to be seen as the neighnourbood bitch who allows.some.kids.ove r and not others. Those kids have mutual.friends with my kids and they are going to be put in the middle and my kids are going.to want to play with the twins but won't because of K and MI. I know I shouldn't be concerned with what others think, especially since the kids are in the wrong but I have given them way too many chances.

[MonkeyPrincess]

I agree with this, except for the inside the house part. No way would they be coming inside my house. They need to earn that privilege and it doesn't sound like that will happen anytime soon.

If you are already having them inside your house, then I think you need to be incredibly firm and incredibly consistent with follow through. ie. "Please don't jump on my couches." Child jumps on couches. "OK, time to go home." Child complains. "I'm sorry, but since you cannot follow my rules, you cannot be in my house. You may try again next time. Goodbye" Same with when outside.

If their mom wasn't going to address her child's behaviour until four or five different people corroborated the story, I wouldn't plan on any support from her. Especially since her first response was "well, what did your kid do to her?"

They haven't been allowed to play in my house for a few.weeks now, not since MI just walked.into my house when my front door was open but my screen door was closed. I always always lock it but the one time I forget......

[Lou]

I can empathize with it being difficult to turn kids away...we have been living in our new house on a cul de sac for a year now and there are a lot of kids! It's great for my kids to always have people to play with but difficult when you have 13 kids in your back yard, and you would like to keep it at a minimum but it's hard to say no to some neighbour kids and not others. (FYI- they are never allowed over when the daycare kids are here). It sounds like you're doing a good job and it's working! You actually might not have to talk to their twit mom if you keep up being firm and having firm behaviour expectations. Listen/behave or go home and follow through every single time. Period. They will either get it and change their tune, or they will stop coming around!