First Date

[Suzie_Homemaker]

[QUOTE=ebhappydc;7686 7]

my question is, do i make them come in before they go so i can meet him?

No. Not if you want her to continue to confide in you regard boys. You have to show you trust her judgement and accept this is potentially going to become a relationship which is entirely hers. You will be invited in only to a level she comfortable sharing like any other couple just shares information they deem relevant. Don't risk her feeling like you prying or interfering because then she will be less open in future.

Also, she told me his first name and i kinda searched her yearbook and there were a couple of possibilities, but i narrowed it down to one and then i creeped his face book.... do you think i'm way out of line?

Yes - especially as you know she'd be upset. Again you have to trust her judgement, and respect it's not your relationship. If you don't, if it all ends with a little heartbreak, she'll hide it from you when she needs you most.

Should i just chill?

Yes. You said she is smart girl. Then trust her to use her common sense. You can't protect them from life experience but you can keep your trust with each other so she has you to talk to, if she need it.

[Fun&care]

I think that the fact she has stayed away from boys this long definitely is a huge win for you as her mom!

I think if you have the opportunity to meet than that's great but just go with the flow and see how it goes. I wouldn't stress too much about it.

One thing to consider- hubby and I have been together since we were 13/14. So treat him like he is "the one" because he just might be. You never know!

Not sure if you have talked about protection or the pill or whatever but now is probably a good time. It was my mothers biggest mistake (not talking about protection or sex at all...I guess she figured the school system would handle it). She even refused to put me on the pill because she thought it would make me more promiscuous. So I went to the health unit and put myself on it without her knowing. Guaranteed I would have been pregnant by 15 had I not put myself on it. Anyways it's a super personal decision but one worth thinking about!

[Lee-Bee]

If she is 17 she has some years of wisdom behind her (even if it's a first date) so she is a tad less likely to be coerced into something she isn't ready for.

Your best bet right now is to be open and share in her excitement. If you are standing over her with a gloomy outlook of all that can go wrong she will be more likely to withdrawal from you...especially if something happens that she is uncomfortable with. It is hard enough to go to someone for help, but if that person will have an "I told you so" position then it is even harder!

Help her plan her outfit, be excited with her and let her know you are there for her. If she asks for advice or voices concerns nervousness take her lead on where to bring the conversation but don't go so far and risk ending the communication.

She is 17, she is likely somewhat aware of risks, birth control and all that. I wouldn't cram it down her throat now. If for what ever reason this date doesn't lead to more THEN I would start talking, opening about birth control and all that so she has had that talk BEFORE she is about to go on a date...so it isn't a lecture but is just open conversation.

Right now...celebrate. Slip in some useful info when you can. I would lay off the facebook stalking etc. If there is a chance she can find out then it will shut down any communication which puts her at risk.

I advise you to invite your own friend over on her date night. You will need distraction so you don't sit staring at the clock in a panic!!!!

[bright sparks]

I advise you to invite your own friend over on her date night. You will need distraction so you don't sit staring at the clock in a panic!!!!

I think this is a great piece of advice I don't think there is anything wrong with asking to meet the guy if it's just taking an interest in your daughters life and you are close. It's not about being negative or giving him the fifth degree, but just a quick hello how are you in my book is common courtesy and showing your child that you are interested in their life without being overbearing.

[innisfildaycare]

Nothing is wrong with inviting him in, for maybe a glass of water before they head out. Personally, I dont have girls and my boys are fairly young still (11 and 8)...but NOTHING and NOONE will stop me from snooping, over re-acting and hiding behind bushes to watch over my boys!! LOL

[ebhappydc]

Thank you everyone, your advice has helped me a lot, and i'm calmer about it now. You've convinced me not to disguise myself and sit 2 rows back at the movie..... I don't know why i automatically think of all that could go wrong.... I definitely want to keep my great relationship with her so i'll be careful what i say and do. Teens are so sensitive i find; i will talk with her tonight and tell her how excited i am she's going on a date and how much i would like to meet this fellow before they go, without sounding desperate. I feel it's good for him to see that she has parents that care. These days friends text when they arrive in the driveway so i guess he wouldn't have to come to the door. I'll leave it up to them and not force it. Luckily it's a school nite, so most likely come home after movie.

I definitely will put my Sherlock Holmes magnify glass away because the guilt is getting me today. Although it was stuff he put on FB for public to see and not the personal stuff only his friends could get into... i saw enough and he looks decent (i know, can't judge a book...). i don't want to feed my anxiety anymore!

She is academically one of the top students at school, so i just hope her marks don't go in the toilet, especially when they're starting to count for university consideration..., but i guess that's up to her too.... i'm not used to seeing her face have this goofy dreamy smile on it .. lol..

If i can't get a friend to come over tomorrow nite, i'll make a date for myself with a small glass of wine whilst playing Frozen's "Let it go...."

man, it takes a village, doesn't it?