First Date

[Van]

Yes , enjoy her happiness and watch your garden grow - plus your little bookworm

[ebhappydc]

Hi guys. Sorry to post about this again as its not dc related but u helped a lot last year with this and I need to share again. Debated whether or not to but can't sleep and wake up panicked during nite. so I'm just putting this out there again.
My 17 yr old daughter has fallen hard for her first boyfriend who is a year older. Both are finishing highschool. Everything seemed normal , usual teen stuff (movies, parties with friends, just hanging out etc) and each have been to others family for dinners etc. I can see they love eachother a lot.
Problem is he suffers from bouts of depression. I have to admit she told me this last year that sometimes he has dark times. I naively thought its probablyn growing teen pains, hormones. But this week she went over to him while he was in bad shape and having suicidal thoughts. My daughter is an empathetic person and tries to support him but she comes home completely drained. The reason she told me whats going on is because i got quite upset with her this week about being lazy about applying for scholarships. She says she's having trouble concentrating and is worried about him. She said his parents are aware and he has received councelling for it in past. My daughter knows this is affecting her. Luckily her marks were high enough to have early acceptance into a very good local university here.
I don't want this for my daughter. He has many great qualities, but I don't want this.
I haven't been able to share this with my husband as he's interviewing for jobs and I don't want him to worry. But I'll have to tell him eventually.
And I know I can't do the old "I forbid you forbid you to see him".
Bf is likely going to another univ in the fall and eventually to military. I don't know how he's going to cope in the military with depression.

I suppose this is just going to be a wait and see while I bite my nails bloody? I actually look forward to the 5 rambunctious DCB s coming each day to divert my attention (yup, that's how bad it is). I even noticed how intuitive daycare kids can be as the boys have been giving me extra hugs this week (my brows are furrowed).

I'm not really venting as I'm not mad. I can't describe how I feel other than sad. I've been doing reading this week on teen depression and it's opened my eyes.
I think I can only be there for my daughter right? should I limit her use of my car to see him less? I'm hoping they'll grow apart. Am I selfish for hoping they'll break up? I care for him, but I care for my daughter more. Life is hard enough even without dealing with mental illness. I just want her to have a normal life.
Tx