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Thread: First Date

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee-Bee View Post
    Do we get an update to your update??? How did it go after??
    Hee hee. I don't know much! Didn't come home too late but had to go to bed so not much time to talk. Plus she went to text her girlfriends afterwards in her closed dark bedroom. I can tell she's smitten, and smiles when she talks about him. A lot. She says he is soooo nice. Only concern I have is he's considering joining military in a year and I don't know how I feel about that. But my main concern was her safety with a guy I didn't know at all and I'm at peace with that part now. She's in charge of her heart right?

  2. #12
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    I met my husband when I was 16, and 6 months later he joined the military, I moved across the country when I was almost 19 and the rest is history. We are closer to family now and I see them once every couple months or so, but life is great. A well-paying, secure job, and the values and military lifestyle is very empowering for military wives managing on their own weeks at a time.
    It could be worse, he could have NO life aspirations and/or be a scum bag! I think it sounds like she is a very smart girl and he sounds like a catch!
    Glad to hear it went well!!

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by 3rdtimesacharm View Post
    I met my husband when I was 16, and 6 months later he joined the military, I moved across the country when I was almost 19 and the rest is history. We are closer to family now and I see them once every couple months or so, but life is great. A well-paying, secure job, and the values and military lifestyle is very empowering for military wives managing on their own weeks at a time.
    It could be worse, he could have NO life aspirations and/or be a scum bag! I think it sounds like she is a very smart girl and he sounds like a catch!
    Glad to hear it went well!!
    LOL not sure if this helps ebhappydc's anxiety lol talking about moving across the country as a military wife when her daughter is just going on her first date haha I can just imagine the "OMG" going on in her head now.

    That being said you are definitely right 3rdtimesacharm (I'm not trying to be rude making this comment, simply imagining the train of thought ebhappydc might be having thinking about what happened with you). Could be a hell of a lot worse like you said...and I really wouldn't worry about the direction he is taking in life at the first date stage.

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by bright sparks View Post
    LOL not sure if this helps ebhappydc's anxiety lol talking about moving across the country as a military wife when her daughter is just going on her first date haha I can just imagine the "OMG" going on in her head now.

    That being said you are definitely right 3rdtimesacharm (I'm not trying to be rude making this comment, simply imagining the train of thought ebhappydc might be having thinking about what happened with you). Could be a hell of a lot worse like you said...and I really wouldn't worry about the direction he is taking in life at the first date stage.
    Ha-ha you're right Bright about my anxiety; I'm okay. 3rdTime sounds pretty happy so that helped me actually. I tell myself if she finds someone that is good to her and she's happy, then I'm good too. We'll see where it goes which could also be nowhere. At least my pretty little bookworm has a date under her belt!

  7. #15
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    Yes , enjoy her happiness and watch your garden grow - plus your little bookworm

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  9. #16
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    Hi guys. Sorry to post about this again as its not dc related but u helped a lot last year with this and I need to share again. Debated whether or not to but can't sleep and wake up panicked during nite. so I'm just putting this out there again.
    My 17 yr old daughter has fallen hard for her first boyfriend who is a year older. Both are finishing highschool. Everything seemed normal , usual teen stuff (movies, parties with friends, just hanging out etc) and each have been to others family for dinners etc. I can see they love eachother a lot.
    Problem is he suffers from bouts of depression. I have to admit she told me this last year that sometimes he has dark times. I naively thought its probablyn growing teen pains, hormones. But this week she went over to him while he was in bad shape and having suicidal thoughts. My daughter is an empathetic person and tries to support him but she comes home completely drained. The reason she told me whats going on is because i got quite upset with her this week about being lazy about applying for scholarships. She says she's having trouble concentrating and is worried about him. She said his parents are aware and he has received councelling for it in past. My daughter knows this is affecting her. Luckily her marks were high enough to have early acceptance into a very good local university here.
    I don't want this for my daughter. He has many great qualities, but I don't want this.
    I haven't been able to share this with my husband as he's interviewing for jobs and I don't want him to worry. But I'll have to tell him eventually.
    And I know I can't do the old "I forbid you forbid you to see him".
    Bf is likely going to another univ in the fall and eventually to military. I don't know how he's going to cope in the military with depression.

    I suppose this is just going to be a wait and see while I bite my nails bloody? I actually look forward to the 5 rambunctious DCB s coming each day to divert my attention (yup, that's how bad it is). I even noticed how intuitive daycare kids can be as the boys have been giving me extra hugs this week (my brows are furrowed).

    I'm not really venting as I'm not mad. I can't describe how I feel other than sad. I've been doing reading this week on teen depression and it's opened my eyes.
    I think I can only be there for my daughter right? should I limit her use of my car to see him less? I'm hoping they'll grow apart. Am I selfish for hoping they'll break up? I care for him, but I care for my daughter more. Life is hard enough even without dealing with mental illness. I just want her to have a normal life.
    Tx

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    We have some issues with depression in our family. This article is really well written and might help both you and your daughter: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/litera...comm_ref=false

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  12. #18
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    Such a difficult situation.

    I think the key thing is to be there for your daughter. Don't get in a position where she is choosing him over you...the boy will likely win (not due to lack of love or more love to him but due to teenagers trying to exert independence and control).

    When you can, make sure she knows SHE comes first she NEEDS to take of her needs before she takes care of his needs. I would advise these types of conversations come up when he is in a good state and all is well. Just plant the seed for her to use when times are tough.

    Does he have supports? His family, medical professionals? She can't be the only one holding him up.

    While my experience here is limited I had an old daycare family where dad was very sick (mental health). He did not work at all in the 2 yrs I cared for their daughter and mom was essentially a single mom. There were stretches where she was trying to work and do daycare drop off and pick ups and everything despite dad being home all day. I can't imagine how hard it is. It was also hard on the child. While the good times do make the bad times worth it. I believe it is crucial that the partners needs (your daughter) are being met and that they have help/support to pick up the slack when the one with depression is not 'functional'.

    Right now...she needs to know you are there for her. If you can't field her questions and provide info she needs maybe she would be open to you connecting her with someone. It can be as simple as her going to see a counselor/therapist to talk about what she sees and her role in supporting him. You don't need to be the one with the 'problems' to benefit from therapy. It is a good way to process thoughts and make plans :-)

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  14. #19
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    I feel for you and I feel sick right now
    I left my first boyfriend after I wrote down a few pro and con of the situation that I needed to think it out without family help or anyone else pointing out things
    I suggest she has to see the long term effect of being with someone who may be suffering from depression - does she need this in her life? Will his moods may drag her down ?
    let her think about these things without saying RUN
    Hugs to you her and even him

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