How do you deal with the hurt?

[babydom]

I'm wondering how other caregivers deal with the hurt and sadness you may feel when a child leave your care? This is one of my weakness in this job, that I become to attached to quickly to the kids that come in and out of my doors. In particular this one little girl I've had for just over 3yrs I had to let her go because of Bill 10 rules she's starting school and I couldn't afford to keep a spot open for just a school age child. She was also going to a different school then my daughter and as a daycare I only work with one school, as it gets confusing. I did a lot of overtime for this family and she became like a daughter to me and a sister to my daughter. I just miss her terribly and letting her go hurts . It doesn't help that she is loving her new place, (kids are resilient) but sometimes mom says, the little girl says "why can't XXX keep me?" Breaks my heart. And no matter how many times the parents say "Well stay in touch" , they never do.

[mattsmom]

When I first started, I was the same way. I got upset and took it personally when children left me.

After nine years of doing this, I find I am reluctant to get too attached to children in my care. Don't get me wrong, I still give them love and attention, but somehow I don't get attached as easily. Now, when they leave, I wish them well and hope the children are happy in their new situation, whatever it may be.

I find that most of the time, parents don't think twice about yanking them out of care or screwing us around at the end, whether it's financially or otherwise. I think my heart and my sympathy for parents has hardened over the years, after dealing with so many crappy parents and being taken advantage of time after time.

[playfelt]

The first thing is to recognize when a child starts that their time with us is fleeting at best. Yes we get attached and mourn them when they are gone. I know when a child starts with me that I am only keeping them till they start school as I don't do JK bus runs anymore. It gets easier to do the more years you are in daycare.

[Van]

I have 2 leaving me at the end of June so yes it is sad , but you do get use to the goodbyes over the years, I may love the child and then I am ready to get to love the new child but miss them now and then as we all move on - when and if they visit after a few years I am always shocked that they are NOT still young and small so in my mind they never grow up

[5 Little Monkeys]

I BAWLED the first time a few of the kids left lol. They were with me for a long period and I was attached to the child and to the families. Over time, it has gotten easier to say goodbye (I give a heartfelt card which helps as I can express my feelings to them better through writing than in person.) I now remind myself that these kids WILL leave and that is just life. I've also had a few that I was happy to see go so that definitely takes the sting out too LOL

Most of my families keep in touch which is also nice. Even the odd email/text or pic of their child is appreciated. It does eventually fade away though as everyone has lives and life goes on.

Good luck...it does get easier with experience

[kindertime]

The very first child I had in my daycare was with me for a month before other kids joined the daycare. She was 2 at the time. She was with me for 3 years. I was very close to both her and the mom. She and I were friends IMO, we did things together outside of daycare hours. We had discussed many times how hard it would be when dcg would leave for school. And then one day... she just never came back. It was the beginning of July and the week went by and I got an email from the mom saying she was sick and with her dad. She'll be back Mon. Monday came and nothing. No word all week. Then I had my 2 weeks holidays, and the grandma brought dcg for a visit and said, oh, yes, she'll be back after your holidays. But she didn't. And the phone was disconnected. They were gone. Moved away. Without a word. I think to say I was devastated is a little too dramatic but really felt like all that time I'd spent and love I'd given was not worth a second thought. She just threw it away. And as much as I was upset for me, I was also upset for dcg. She was old enough then to know she never got to say goodbye to me either.
I can't say that I learned my lesson, though. I'm still sad and miss them all when they go. It gets better, but maybe that's not a good thing, either.

[mickyc]

Over the years it seems to get a bit easier. Depends on the relationship with the parents too I think. I find I don't get as attached to the kids as I once did. Being in a smaller city helps as well because I know I will continue to see them on occasion.