Feeling under-appreciated

[bright sparks]

So sorry that this has seemingly effected you so hard. Sounds like you are feeling pretty rejected. Being under-appreciated is a common posting on this site in our field. I do have to say, and I imagine that many members will agree, you really have to set some boundaries in order to prevent yourself from allowing people to treat you this way. Doing this for the weekend for free is not a business savvy move, and you clearly aren't doing it as a friend given that this family is one of your clients and she obviously doesn't hold you in high regard. If this has happened once before, then what possessed you to walk into this kind of situation again? First time is on them, but second time, honestly you should have known better. Why are you providing free care? I just don't understand your incentive. Spending $60 on gifts for the child was not requested nor required. That child would have learnt a hard but more important lesson by not receiving anything. All that happens is that this child has a reinforced belief system that the only way they can be happy is to have presents given to him, and that is a damaging way to teach a child what it is to be cared for.

I think showing gratitude should be a natural and automatic thing to do without a great deal of thought needed, because it should be automatic. Unfortunately, there are many people who are just so self centred that they don't. There is nothing you can do about it and it is simply a reflection of the type of character they are, and I quite frankly wouldn't want anything to do with a person like that.

I understand your hurt, I really do, but if you were providing them with a service, gratitude isn't warranted, payment is. Sounds like salt was rubbed in the wound hearing the couple thank everyone else in the room and within a 2 block radius no doubt, completely forgetting about you. That's a low move. I wonder however, had you been paid for this, and set clear boundaries on what your role was so as to detach emotionally, would it have hurt so much? I don't think as much because then you would have set clear expectations in your mind that you were there carrying out your job that you were being paid for in the best interest of the child, not them. Sounds like this little one is very lucky to have you in their life, but only you can prevent this kind of thing from happening again. Regardless of the what or why, just say NO!

I did a lot of outside work for a family for the last 4 years. I even went to a wedding on a Friday with them which required a day off. I helped them bathe and get ready beforehand and fed them while parents got themselves ready. I took care of them throughout the ceremony and then drove them back home to bed and stayed overnight so the parents could stay out late.

They compensated me for the lost income for the Friday for starters. Additionally they paid me $10 an hour from the moment I showed up at their house until I left the following day including the overnight hours. They paid for my gas and my food and altogether treated the transaction professionally. I was a Nanny for the weekend and they paid me as such. I dressed plain but smart clothes at the wedding and I didn't mingle. I wasn't rude but I tried to stay in the background as I was there for the kids and paid no attention to anything that was said as I wasn't a guest, I was working. They are my client, and also friend, but this was a business agreement, not a favour and they paid me what I asked. I got a thank you at the end of the evening along with payment and that is all I required. No grand gesture necessary.

[Fun&care]

I feel your frustration, it sucks not to be appreciated even though you went over and beyond for this family. After being treated that way I hope you do not consider doing this family any favors moving forward.

Which brings me to my next point. Why are you doing these people favors? Why would you do any client a favor like this? You need to get paid for this kind of stuff. Take it from a former pushover....you teach people how to treat you. If you want respect and appreciation, you have to ask/demand it. In this case, in the form of payment. There are a LOT of people out there who do not show appreciation for those who do them favors so it's up to you to either a) ask for fair compensation or b)don't do these people favors. Your actions taught these people that you are a pushover and will do anything and everything for free. Why would they have to show you respect?

And don't do this for the child either. Sorry to sound harsh, but he/she is not your responsibility, is not your child and it really is none of your business how they care for their child during special events.

You are wasting your time. Stop doing people favors. The only person you should look out for is yourself. If you truly enjoy taking care of kids even on weekends or evenings then that is great- but you have to make sure your "cup" is full too. Sounds like you have been running on empty. Ask for payment moving forward.

Sorry if I am coming off a little "passionate" in my post. This is a sore spot for me as I have friends who are constantly asking for favors as of late, to the point where I have to do some boundary setting of my own soon.