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Thread: Care free play

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee-Bee View Post

    Sadly talking to the parents will not help matters. I am still trying to point out that letting their child get only 7 hours of sleep in a day is not in the child's best interest and that the child may sleep more if getting out of bed for more snacks and more Netflix isn't an option every evening until 11pm when mom finally goes to bed with the child.
    There is your problem right there!!!! How can a child be expected to develop normally while only getting 7 hours of sleep at night when the range for this age is usually 10-12 hours?!?! It's no wonder the kid isn't playing, she is exhausted!

    As for AP.... I did AP with my own kids and they never had any problem playing independently but I think that's because I expected them to. They knew from a young age that if mommy was busy you went and played alone for a bit.

    But some parents do take AP a little too far and do anything and everything for their child and just never let them develop any independence whatsoever. It's rampant in this day and age in my experidence at least...ppl just go overboard and "sMother" their kids, I've had so many clients like this. It often does result in a lack of independence even though it's supposed to make kids MORE independent. I should say, too, that ive had a few clients who were following AP but didn't even know it so really, you don't even need the AP label.

    But seriously though...something needs to change in the sleep department...I'm sure you would see huge improvement.
    Last edited by Fun&care; 06-24-2015 at 10:47 AM.

  2. #12
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    I have spent much time giving ideas, tips, trick and suggestions for sleep. Mom has asked for help many times. But, child protests and mom won't push.

    Last time I was trying to help was 6 weeks after the time change and mom kept saying how the time change really messed the child up. So we attempted to get her back on track. The next day mom reports that child asked to go to bed at 7pm but it was 9:30 before she finally went down. I was like...ok what did the child do for those 2.5hours between when the child asked to sleep and when she went to sleep. Mom's response "oh, she got up and had more snacks and watched more Netflix we tried a few times in there to get her down" gahhhhhhh. Mom stopped asking for advise after that because I was like. Well, what child would choose to sleep when they have snacks and tv on the offer? I told they had set the routine where the child was allowed out of bed for snacks and tv and that the child would not decide to stop that routine without the mom making it clear bedtime means you go to bed and don't get out of bed until morning. I told her it would not be fun for either of them but without resetting the routine and expectations sleep would not improve.

    Sleep has not improved mom has said that while the child is up really late still mom is ok with it because once she is asleep she is so tired she sleeps through till morning with less wake ups than before. So...to mom 7 ish hours of sleep with only 1-2 wake ups is easier than trying to get the child to get a full nights sleep.

    There is no hope of making changes. It really, seriously will be up to the child to decide to sleep better later in life. Which is sad. The brain NEEDS sleep to learn. Her brain is not getting the sleep it needs and it WILL negatively impact her long term :-(

    But...I can't change that all I can do is provide a good solid nap here.

    I suppose this does indeed negatively impact the ability to play.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee-Bee View Post
    I have nothing against AP and used a fair amount of the AP approach with our daughter. I do believe, and have stated this before, that there is a strong difference between AP and parenting in a manner that means never saying no, never setting a limit and never letting a child whimper. But I won't go into my rant on that!
    This gets a nice, slow clap. Amen, sista!

    The poor child. She's probably so tired. Sleep is SO important. I'm surprised at the sheer number of people who don't value it or will prioritize their own needs over their child's sleep. It's sad really.

    With regards to the free play, I would just keep reminding her that she needs to play "I have to make lunch right now. You can play with DD in the living room." and then redirect her back to the living room. Hopefully she'll figure it out. Not seeming to know what to do with trains etc makes me think mom is entertaining her/playing 'at' her instead of playing with her and encouraging the back and forth play. Does that make sense? Like mom plays with the toys and child just watches and enjoys instead of engaging in the play too?

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by flowerchild View Post
    This gets a nice, slow clap. Amen, sista!

    The poor child. She's probably so tired. Sleep is SO important. I'm surprised at the sheer number of people who don't value it or will prioritize their own needs over their child's sleep. It's sad really.

    With regards to the free play, I would just keep reminding her that she needs to play "I have to make lunch right now. You can play with DD in the living room." and then redirect her back to the living room. Hopefully she'll figure it out. Not seeming to know what to do with trains etc makes me think mom is entertaining her/playing 'at' her instead of playing with her and encouraging the back and forth play. Does that make sense? Like mom plays with the toys and child just watches and enjoys instead of engaging in the play too?
    I know mom does a lot of baking with the child and they do a lot of activities that are great but they are adult directed, adult led and well, just structured. With how often mom says she doesn't play and how much mom talks about the child's favorite tv shows and how they do things I don't believe the child has time or expectation to PLAY. But, the child is here 35ish hours a week and I expect her to play so it isn't just she never gets the chance to play. She has had plenty of time, plenty of encouragement to play it just isn't clicking. She does now understand that she is expected to go play...that is why she comes, tells me what I am doing and that she needs to go play. It is because she has heard me tell her that so many times lol. So, she understands it is expected of her...it just isn't quite there though. In time I hope. I really hope. I would love nothing more than for her to just enjoy playing.

    The mom always talks about how much the child LOVES to be outdoors. But, she doesn't do much outdoors she plays on the slide then is done. The child asks me all day to go play outside, when we get outside she asked me to go back in. They spend lots of time at the parks...but they go to 3 parks in one evening (mom is proud of this)!!! Which to me just tells me the child gets bored with the slide so they move to a new one (head shake). So, again it doesn't actually involve the need to play carefree.

    Anyways, I guess I'll just continue with the expectation she goes off and plays. I'll continue rotating the toys and having age appropriate toys out. She is drawn to the toys with buttons. we have very few of these as I do not like them but some of our bigger doll houses have sound effect buttons. She will sit and push them. Like I say when she is playing it is at a basic level and just doesn't seem to be for enjoyment.

  5. #15
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    I am fairly new to daycare and have been at home with my two kids. My eldest daughter who will be 4 shortly only began to play alone properly within the last 10 months. I have been a very hands-on mother and although we'd mixed with other kids at the Early Years Centre, we don't have any family or close friends nearby. I found that although I tried to show her by playing with her, she actually only learnt the concept properly after being with older children. Possibly the little girl in question would benefit from some older children to watch and copy? I realise this may not be a solution for you, but for me it was a game-changer! My second child (almost two) plays perfectly by himself, again only recently (past couple of months) as he's watched my daughter and the older DC kids.

  6. #16
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    My suggestion would be that the screen time has more to do with the problem, than attachment parenting, (not that I know what it is, btw.) So much time disengaged from life, she is missing the opportunity to learn to entertain herself. I have found this too. Every child is different, of course, but I have seen a great increase over the years, of children who don't know how to play imaginatively. 4yr olds who do what you describe, pick up toy, shake it or bang it and then put toy down.

    Since we don't watch any screens in my house, I figured I had to be Mr. Dressup, myself. Do you remember that show? He spent a great deal of time, playing. He would play with toys and describe what he was doing. Other shows like that too, Sesame street, The Friendly Giant, Mr Rogers, etc. (yah, I'm old) would all show scenes of kids just playing and interacting together.

    I would go into the playroom or sit at the table and play. I might talk to the kids about something I was doing, but I might just as well talk to myself, as I was playing. It takes a bit of practise for me at this age, lol. I was modelling the behaviour I wanted to see in the kids. I have also increased the time we spend reading. We talk about what the people in the books are doing and I will often refer back to the books. It allows the kids to use their memories and imagination. Practise makes perfect!

    Redhead's suggestion is good too, having an older child who knows how to play would help. But if that isn't an option, you could try being the older child.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by kindertime View Post
    My suggestion would be that the screen time has more to do with the problem, than attachment parenting, (not that I know what it is, btw.) So much time disengaged from life, she is missing the opportunity to learn to entertain herself. I have found this too. Every child is different, of course, but I have seen a great increase over the years, of children who don't know how to play imaginatively. 4yr olds who do what you describe, pick up toy, shake it or bang it and then put toy down.

    Since we don't watch any screens in my house, I figured I had to be Mr. Dressup, myself. Do you remember that show? He spent a great deal of time, playing. He would play with toys and describe what he was doing. Other shows like that too, Sesame street, The Friendly Giant, Mr Rogers, etc. (yah, I'm old) would all show scenes of kids just playing and interacting together.

    I would go into the playroom or sit at the table and play. I might talk to the kids about something I was doing, but I might just as well talk to myself, as I was playing. It takes a bit of practise for me at this age, lol. I was modelling the behaviour I wanted to see in the kids. I have also increased the time we spend reading. We talk about what the people in the books are doing and I will often refer back to the books. It allows the kids to use their memories and imagination. Practise makes perfect!

    Redhead's suggestion is good too, having an older child who knows how to play would help. But if that isn't an option, you could try being the older child.
    Great idea. I do remember Mr. Dress up...though barely. I have no interest in taking on another child and don't know of any older kids hanging around the neighborhood during the day to invite over. I can try to model how the toys can be used. Though, my daughter is doing this already for her to watch it is not as if she is here with a younger child that is not playing on their own and she is mimicking that. My daughter make believe plays, plays house and cares for dolls and on and on. My daughter is obsessed with sheep right now and has been carting around a giraffe calling it her sheep (we have no stuffed sheep) and singing all the sheep songs she knows and playing sheep and DCG just stands there perplexed trying to inform my daughter it isn't a sheep it is a giraffe lol. My daughter finally said, yes 'sheep-giraffe' then went back to playing sheep. I have explained why she is calling her giraffe sheep but she is still stuck on it being a giraffe.

    I limit tv to about 20min a day and pretty much only play 'Mother Goose Club' these days. It is a bunch of kids singing and acting out nursery rhymes. My daughter loves it, has memorized dozens and dozens of the rhymes/sings and goes off and sings them and re-enacts them all day. We, of course, read the books and sing the songs a lot too. I find it eerie though how when I turn the show on DCG just sees me pick up the remotes, flies to the couch and lies down. Immobile. My daughter stands watching, spinning and jumping and singing and laughing when it's on...but it just seems like DCG has somehow learned that tv on means lie on couch and disconnect from the world. Could very well be a personality thing but it just kind of weirds me out!

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