Letting a child go..

[Bopsmom]

Hey Moms!!

I took on a new full timer back in June and shortly after I realized he had been very spoiled at home and was very high needs. He required a bottle and being held to fall asleep and sometimes would stay asleep when transferring him to his playpen and other times would startle awake and scream. He will scream crying at random times when he seemed perfectly happy just 30 seconds prior and screams if I walk more then a few meters away from him. I told his parents I need to teach him to self sooth and they were okay with it but now we are going on almost a month and he screams bloody murder for atleast 20 minutes (I go in and check on him every 5 minutes) and sleeps for maybe 30 minutes and wakes up screaming and still exhausted. This is disturbing all of the other children and most days I end up not eating because he is so needy. He is one year old and I feel like a lot of these issues should have been tackled prior to him starting here. They told me he was really laid back and calm when we first met and I feel like I was lied too! His parents don't know how much he cries here because at first I thought it was just the adjustment period and that it would be short lived, so I just said he was doing great so they didn't panic and call me every 5 minutes. I have started bringing it up saying he's been very whiney and upset.. should I continue telling them he's having rough days and then give my notice? I have never had to let a child go before so this is awkward and weird for me :/!!

[mickyc]

I would say he is still transitioning and it might be a bit soon to terminate. Some kids take longer than others.

Can he be put in a different room for now? I use my laundry room for problem sleepers.

Let him cry and do not go in! Get a video monitor and then there is no need to go in. By you going in every 5 minutes he has you trained.

I do not rock or feed children bottles. They get their bottle after their lunch in their high chair, they must hold it themselves. They get placed in their bed and that's it. They learn quick to self soothe.

I have a sheet in my contract that tells parents what I expect (no rocking, no holding bottles, no soothers, no more bottles after 16 months old). It helps make parents realize that they need to be on board with my ways before their child starts. Those that don't agree with these things usually won't book the spot.

[Van]

it can take 6 to 8 weeks for some infants to settle and I would suggest to let him cry it out it will make him tired too

[fivelittleones]

I had the same experience...it's a commitment on your end. It can be very frustrating and time consuming. It's tough love unfortunately. By catering to his needs every few minutes and going in the room when he cries at nap, it will make it worse and yes- its true, he's training you and most likely he has his parents fully trained as well :/ I would decide if you are willing to commit to this child and if you decide to, you need to be very consistent. Never go in the room when your trying to train him to self sooth, unless you think he's hurt. I think the video monitor is a great idea. Also, I would put him in a different room or on another level in your house. He will come around it just takes time. If you let him go, it will not solve your problem....you could get another child the same and have to go through it again. I decided to commit to mine who had the same issue, it took almost 8 weeks. Ultimately I thought it was good for him to have someone to teach him to be independent and self sooth. Keep the communication to a limit while he's transitioning (if you decide to commit to him) If not, than yes, I would give the parents daily reports so they won't be shocked if you have to let him go. Try not to dote on him. He will learn when you come to daycare, this is the way it is. When he's at home, that's their business and their problem. I know it's hard, but stick to your guns! You'll get through it

[Lee-Bee]

I do not agree with leaving an infant to cry it out BUT this is a 1 yr old and he is not your child. He should have been taught the skills needed to sleep on his own before he started group care. Now he needs to learn the hard way. Do NOT go in every 5min. all you are doing is teaching him to cry longer to see how fast you come.

It sucks, for you and the child but you need to just place him in a safe place and leave...until nap time is over. Video monitors are incredibly helpful for this!

It will take a long time, have him nap as far from the other children as you can.

Children like this will fight as long as they can before they accept their new nap reality. I had one child sit for the full nap period, every day for 9 weeks refusing to sleep. She would nod off, fall over and shake her self awake and sit back up...waiting. Luckily she was silent...just down right refusing to nap on her own in a crib (rocked for naps at home...like held for the whole nap). After 9 weeks she started sleeping 2-3hour naps and became my best sleeper! She just fought as long as she could but eventually came to the realization she had to sleep.

The screamers are much harder...but it is the same battle. Them trying to win the situation by getting you to come back. They need to learn, quickly that nap time is time to nap. By going in every 5minutes you are keeping them awake.

It is so sad for these children but it really was up to the parents to ensure they prepared the child for group care, and that means having them know how to sleep, on their own, and going down awake not rocked.

Hang in there!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I agree. It hard work but still early days.

Separate child if you can. Lay him down and walk out. Stop going in every 5 mins as he likely think you coming for him and then when you leave, sets it all off again.

I don't mind the bottles so much. If they can hold it - great. If they can't, then I will but I usually wean off bottles soon after 12 months anyway so maybe that why I don't mind so much as it short term here.