Furious at this parent!!

[playfelt]

Why is it any business of yours what the mom does after hours - just because the kid was a brat at daycare doesn't mean mom and daughter etc have to suffer and why should mom have to deal with temper tantrum by refusing child dessert. The other side of the coin is parent shows up at the door and says child misbehaved before coming and therefore dont' let him go outside to play today or don't let him go on the museum trip or don't let him go in the splash pad - are you really going to cancel the promised plans for everyone else and stay home or deal with a tantruming child on your outing when the "problem" was between the child and parent.

[Lou]

Why should mom have to deal with a temper tantrum??? Because she is a mother and it is her job to parent. My son is 5. If I was told that he destroyed something at school, you can sure as hell bet that he would not be getting any special privileges that evening, so that I was working WITH his teacher to promote better behaviour in the future at both home and school. They know better at that age, it's not like it was a 2 yrs old.

[Lou]

Anyways, I totally get your frustration Bright! I would be furious too that my expensive property was destroyed...especial ly by a child who is old enough to know better, and then find out that his behaviour was rewarded by a trip to the ice cream store. Vent away!

[bright sparks]

Why is it any business of yours what the mom does after hours - just because the kid was a brat at daycare doesn't mean mom and daughter etc have to suffer and why should mom have to deal with temper tantrum by refusing child dessert.

It's my business when as a direct result of her lack of disciplining this child ongoing and chronically which it is, her child comes into my home, my daycare and regularly causes problems. That is what makes it my business. I also have a relationship with this family outside of daycare so have seen for years that their is a massive lack of discipline with both her kids even prior to the divorce. I am Emergency contact for her kids school, when her son went to hospital one night with calculator buttons stuck up his nose, I took her daughter as a friend would and fed her and bathed her because I am her friend. When mum is to go have surgery on a cancellation list and needs a last minute ride to and from hospital at a moments notice and I'm not available, my husband goes, because we are friends. I have a relationship with this family, I am invested for money on our contracted days and outside of that as a friend. Not by manipulation but because over the last 5 years I have developed a relationship with the kids mother. Our friendship is based on honesty and she thanks me for my honesty outright even when she doesn't want to hear it. If a parent or friend alike doesn't want to know my opinion, then they shouldn't ask. During working hours I tread very carefully not crossing the line, and as a friend I am honest, do not pacify, but also always stay conscious of the fact that we are all human and I can remain kind without sugar coating it. This woman asks me all the time, at least the last 12 months as things have got really bad, what can I do, what can I do. I have told her that she needs to discipline him and offer consequences for her mouth is empty threats, or you give him friggin ice creams and toys left, right and centre even though he is being destructive which is very different than being a brat....AND as a direct result his behaviour isn't improving. She is human and makes mistakes, or has a different parenting style and I don't have to like it, but yes playfelt, it is absolutely my business when she makes it my business by constantly complaining to me, asking for helping and not following my advice to even give it a try, and then sending her child into my home whose behaviour is escalating as a result of her actions, who then intoxicates the dynamic of all my 2 year olds who now parrot him on a level I have never seen before resulting in parents complaining. I told mum after he bit my son the other day, in front of me, that if I weren't closing, I would be giving immediate notice because his behaviour has escalated so much. This wasn't an ice cream for desert, this was pacification and feeding into the problem, which directly impacts me so makes this my business!

because the kid was a brat at daycare doesn't mean mom and daughter etc have to suffer and why should mom have to deal with temper tantrum by refusing child dessert

...because that's called parenting and how the kids learn. Lesson for him and lesson for his older sister. This was a treat. I know because that is the exact word she uses to say lets go for ice cream as a treat. The child caused a good $1000 worth of damage, I wouldn't compare that to a bratty child throwing a temper tantrum because they didn't get their own way.

[babydom]

All I can say is that u sound like you have a lot of patience. By the sounds of this child I'd be sooooo letting him go like 3 years ago. Lol. Thank goodness your almost done....hang in there!!!

[TinyTwigs]

I definitely get both sides. I would be livid if that ever happened to me but at the same time it's not your place or business to tell someone how to treat/discipline their child. If she took him out for ice cream then so be it, its not your place to get mad or to even stress out about something like that.
Friends or not do you really think she's going to change her parenting style for you? Clearly not bc if she did her sons behaviour would have changed and it clearly hasn't. Your biggest mistake was keeping him on and not terminating after everything you listed he did.
He sounds like a little punk and I would have kicked his ass out after the shit smears on the walls! That isn't typical temper tantrum behaviour that was extreme brat behaviour and would I never put up with that. I would have billed the parents for the cleaning lady to come disinfect my walls. I don't put up with behaviour like that from my own kids there's no way I would do it for strangers.
You're stressing yourself over something that you can't change bc even after you this something his new daycare provider or teacher will have to deal with it's not going to change bc the parents don't seem to care.
Forget about it and focus on the positive you have going for you!

[TinyTwigs]

Ps I wanted to add that I do not agree with the ice cream reward but then again that's something that isn't my business. Some kids a spoiled brats and this is how their parents raise them. If my kids EVER did anything like that they know their ass is grass. All privileges would be taken away for a min of 3 months. I have never had an issue ever again after grounding lol

I know some people will argue that since we have a small number of children we co parent blah blah blah. There is no co parenting done on my part and there never will be. I have my rules and expectations and if that doesn't work for the parents then see yah later. My job is to educate someone's child using the preschool curriculum not to parent then. I do not get paid to parent I get paid to teach, feed, assist with potty training and discipline/redirect when necessary. I feel may providers try to wear many hats and at the end of the day there is only so much you can do for these parents and raising their children isn't our job it's theirs.

[bright sparks]

Just to clarify though, I haven't told her how to parent, and while I'm furious at what commenced with the ice cream, I'm not confronting her about it, I've come here to vent instead. I'm human, and I'm allowed to feel what I feel which is seriously annoyed. As I mentioned earlier, this behaviour has only become increasingly bad over the last 6-12 months and it's not been daily, like in waves and recently there has just been a series of massive incidents, everything else I've been happy to work on as what I would consider, normal all be it bad, 3 year old behaviour. I think also knowing I was closing, I've likely put up with more than I should have knowing this. Also, I think it's much easier to say what we would do in a situation when we aren't in it.

This boy was also 2 1/2 when he smeared poo on the carpet, and it wasn't malicious, naughty yes, but not simply to be awful. Never happened again, and he was all together a different child.

[bright sparks]

As an update on the mattress...Sealy are sending me an iron on patch that they have. Will prevent further tearing and said its impossible to pull off. Given the size of the hole, they said stitching it wouldn't work. By applying their patch, my warranty is still good too. I'll hear back Monday or Tuesday as to the cost, but it will save me invoicing the parent such a large amount and dealing with that drama when really all I want is for it to be made good. I'd also sooner not end things on such a sour note regardless of how she chooses to parent her kid. When it's all over, I'd really like to take positive memories of my last days doing this with me.

[TinyTwigs]

I never implied in my post that YOU specifically were parenting anyone's child. I said in general I know providers do that. Smearing poop on the walls or floor isn't normal behaviour and I wouldn't put up with that and also if he changed and was altogether a different child I don't think you would have a hole in your mattress.
I am on your side here lol The poop smears and mattress incidents alone make me fume for you lol I can't even believe there was more in between!