Angry Boy

[kindertime]

Assuming for the moment that you are willing to put in some time...

Would you consider taking a video of this behaviour? Short, maybe 30 seconds- 1 minute. Keep it for a time when he is "happy" and when you can, take a moment to watch it privately with just him, (even just on the screen of the camera/phone.) I tried this once with a child who was having an issue (I used a photograph) and it helped.

Seeing what the rest of us are seeing in these moments can put it in a new perspective for the child. Keep the tone serious but not scolding. I don't think I would recommend taking a video every "bad" day. I think I would use the same one over and over, if necessary, to avoid making it an attention-getter. Use it as a starting point for the conversation. "This is what I saw, yesterday. How come you were so angry?"

That's my first suggestion. The second thing, give him alternatives. What could he have said in that situation? How should he have handled it? IF he can tell you why he was angry, you should be able to give him more appropriate actions or words.

The last thing, practising and modelling. Show him what you're talking about. Say the things you want him to say and have him repeat. Maybe make a short video of that too, to compare.

Maybe that all sounds like a lot of work, but I think I agree with 5LM, if no one takes the time with these kids, what will they be like as adults? Yikes!

One last thought, (I won't even get into my rant about video games...) does dcb have older siblings? Older kids he hangs around? That could be a clue as to where it's coming from.

[Shannie]

I am totally willing to work with him, to a point. I only have him and my own two. If it starts affecting my kids I will not keep him. My kids are pretty soft spoken and we don't tend to yell or say some of the things he says, they look at me confused. my 4 year old son has told him a couple of times "we don't say that in our house". During our last talk here he said that "he gets so mad he could puke". no siblings. I assume that he hears these phrases alot as he repeats them. I will try the video suggestion during the next outburst and see how that goes.

I did end up putting him in a different room than my kids and have him flip through some books. Did this for half an hour and now he is happily playing again. Maybe being an only child, he's not comfortable with all the noise/kids around constantly.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

Although I agree most children like this are the ones needing most love, you can't rescue everyone. Mom seemed quite dismissive with her comment that he was up late. If a late night results in such anger, then why would any parent make this situation.

For me, it comes down to the well being of the group. I would not tolerate anyone coming in off the street and treating my children this way in their home/daycare. Just because these parents are handing you a daily fee, that does not mean he gets a lower standard of acceptable behaviour as anyone else entering your home.

I am not yelled at in my house by anyone, adult or child. For it to have already happen more than one time, would be enough.

Give yourself an amount of time for this to settle. End of week, two weeks, whatever you think is fine and if it's not settled by then, get rid of him.

[Shannie]

I am giving him another week. I had a good chat with Mom last night. She said that DHB told her that my almost 6 year old hit him in the head and it made him mad (she swatted a skitter). I did tell her at the time to not do that as DHB wasn't happy. Anyways, she also then told me that in his last dayhome there were no kids his age. All were younger, so he played alone most of the time. That makes some sense to me. He can't seem to play for a long amount of time without getting mad (my niece is the same way, only child for her first 5 years). I told Mom that we would try giving him frequent alone times and see if that helps...she sent him with an ipad. Cross your fingers that we have a good day today!!!!

Mom also told me that she understands that if he continues that I need to look out for the best interest of my kids (she volunteered this) I am very thankful for such an understanding parent as I haven't had the pleasure of too many in the past!

[Lee-Bee]

Understanding, caring and parents that work with us make a world of difference when it comes to working with children that need a lot of extra care! Hopefully you guys are able to make some good progress! I would start with books from the library for kids dealing with emotions. There should be plenty that talk about anger and ways to control it. Look for videos as well (youtube should have some). At 4.5yrs he is old enough to take on ownership and help find constructive ways to deal with it. Help him learn to identify these emotions and remove himself to start. make a special, quiet, calm alone place with some favorite books that he can retreat to when angry. Reward and praise him when he removes himself. Overtime work to have him deal with the anger without having to leave the situation but that will take time.

Best of luck!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Awesome to hear that mom is willing to work with you!

It sounds like they have found a great provider with you and I wish you all the best in working with this boy. Good luck

[Shannie]

Thank you 5 Little Monkeys!!! Today has been great so far! yay!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Yay!!! that is great news

[Redhead]

I am happy for you that the parents are supportive and you are willing to work with him.
Unfortunately in my case of a very structured daycare I had a child who did not like structure, show any respect for adults, attempted to hit me the day before I ended care and parents who did not seem at all surprised by my reports of his behaviour or want to work with me to better the situation.
There were red flags from the get go with him from the initial playdate with his father but I chose to look past them thinking it was first day nerves. I had 2 kids of my own and four daycare kids as well as this boy and after MUCH discussion with my assistant and the teacher who came in regularly to provide preschool education we all agreed that he was just not a good fit for the group as a whole and that his behaviour was negatively impacting the other children. (One dkb completely clammed up and kept away from the group when my angry boy was with us and he absolutely shone when angry boy was not around.)
We did work hard with him over that month and I really agonised over the decision because I hated to let the parents down (he only needed 4 months care until JK).
For me in my situation I made the best choice for my daycare. I felt bad about it for a few weeks but I knew I couldn't have done more. All the kids in my care flourished after he went and I learnt a valuable lesson about taking on part-timers.
I hope it works out well for you