Angry Boy

[Shannie]

Good afternoon ladies!

I have reopened my dayhome after moving away from my previous town a year ago. I had my first day home boy start on Monday and we have been having some major up and downs. Monday was great! My kids got along with him, he was a sweet boy. Tuesday I took the kids to the park. He yelled at me on the swings and told me "if you don't push me I'll punch you". kept telling me to stop talking to him. Said the other kids were mean to him when they did...nothing....not hing at all. When I told him we needed to talk he ran from me and said "no, you cant catch me". Spoke with Mom and she gave him a talk and said it was because she let him stay up late. Yesterday he came and was the great kid from Monday....today...Tu esday boy is back!! The kids were at the playground and he wanted a turn with a piece of equipment my daughter was using. He didn't say anything, just started trying to pull her and push her away and the said "I'll fight you!!" When I told him to stop and come talk to me he ran, hid under a slide and said "you can't get me from here". I managed to pull him out and tried putting him in a time out. He wouldn't stay put so I carried him back home.

This boy is turning 4 in a month and a half. His favourite phrases are "oh my god." and "what the hell".

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Advice?

Thanks everyone, this forum is fantastic for advice and guidence.

[Redhead]

One of the first kids I had was like this and the same age. I only had him part time due to his parents being shift workers and he'd moved around a lot of other providers (due to being a part timer, apparently). His behaviour improved at the end of a three day run as I was very strict about enforcing my daycare rules (manners and respect are very important here) but then he'd be off for two weeks and come back as a complete demon! After reading lots on here I decided to terminate quickly (after a moth) before his behaviour and rudeness spread to my own children and possibly jeopardized the other full timers I had. I had daily chats with the parents (as I do with all my parents re. their kids day and general behaviour etc.) and the mom was not surprised by anything I told her and wasn't willing to do anything to help with his behaviour. (They were paying for extra days they weren't using and I suggested he came to the daycare more regularly without such long breaks).

[mickyc]

Oh my! What was he like in your interview?

Personally I think I would tell mom you don't think it's going to work. It's going to be hard to curb this type of behavior. I just don't have patience for a child like that anymore lol

[Shannie]

He was a nice kid at interview, got along with my kids. His first whole day was fantastic too. It's like a Jeckal and Hyde type thing. one day good, next day horrid, then good, now horrible...oy vey!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I really do believe that a lot of times, the kids who need the most loving behave like this. I'd want to put in at least month and see if I notice any changes before terminating. HOWEVER, the parents MUST be on board and willing to help as well. If I feel they are hindering and not helping and their child's behaviour starts to spread to my other children than I'd be more willing to terminate at that point.

I don't believe just passing off children with bad behaviour to other providers is the answer. I try to think how I'd feel if that was my child. (Provided that I wasn't enabling the behaviour of course!!)

Remember he's still young and like most of us, change us hard. He's still adjusting to your routine and rules.

[Shannie]

I fully agree. I had to terminate a girl once for her violent behavior, she needed her parents but I am certain they didn't give her much of their time. I worked with her for 8 months and tried to get her parents help as well, but nothing changed. She started destroying our belongings and started getting physical withe the other children so I had to let her go.

It's more the things that this boy is saying that concern me. Threatening to punch or fight and telling the kids and myself to stop talking to him (it's a in a very aggressive way.) His mom says that he likes to watch video games, I'm assuming the ones his dad plays. That kind of concerns me.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have a 4yo dcb who also likes to say omg and play games where things die. He has an older brother and moms bf who he plays video games with and I'm fairly certain that's where he gets it from. Thankfully, he's a sweet boy and I have very little issues with him otherwise!

[Lee-Bee]

I really do believe that a lot of times, the kids who need the most loving behave like this. I'd want to put in at least month and see if I notice any changes before terminating. HOWEVER, the parents MUST be on board and willing to help as well. If I feel they are hindering and not helping and their child's behaviour starts to spread to my other children than I'd be more willing to terminate at that point.

I don't believe just passing off children with bad behaviour to other providers is the answer. I try to think how I'd feel if that was my child. (Provided that I wasn't enabling the behaviour of course!!)

Remember he's still young and like most of us, change us hard. He's still adjusting to your routine and rules.

While I totally agree with much of this, in the schools I found even the most difficult kids (even in grade 6) were great kids when you found a way to get in and connect. BUT...as home daycare providers who work alone, all day and long hours sometimes it is best for everyone involved...including the `problem`child to call it quits. What can you handle?

Some kids just need to be in a centre where there is addition staff to trade off when things are going downhill to provide caregiver relief and where resources are more plentiful.

You don't need to take on more than you can handle and there is no wrong is admitting this is too much to handle.

I'd make it clear, verbally and in writing with the family now that his behavior is not acceptable that you will give him X amount of time to show improvement or you'll need to terminate. They need to be on board and helping to get things on track. Otherwise they will need to find new care, preferably at a centre. They also needed to be honest up front before you signed the contract.

[Shannie]

DHB is still having a bad day, so I put a show on for the kids to calm him down some. I came downstairs and heard him yell at the other kids. I went to see what happened and the kids said that they were talking about birthday parties. DHB yelled at the kids, I'm not even sure what he said but at the end he said they couldn't come to his birthday and that he was telling his mom and getting them into trouble. I went to calmly talk to him and he yelled at me so loudly and with so much anger. I have him in a time out. I don't have a trial period written in my contract. I am adding it now, but...how much time should I give this boy to adjust. I would love to make it work....I just don't know how much time to adjust is usually needed.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Lee-bee, I agree. My "quitting" time differs given different situations and circumstances.

Shannie, I expect 2-4 weeks normally but he may take longer. It will totally be up too as only you know how much you can handle.