Awful way to start the day

[mom123]

Hi everyone, I hope someone can give me some advice about what to do about this. This morning while I was preparing breakfast caught 2 preschoolers putting their pants down and showing their privates to a 7 year old. I have a baby camera on the basement so I can watch them while I upstairs preparing meals or getting the babies ready for a nap. Anyway , as soon as I saw this on the camera run downstairs and ask everybody to come upstairs for breakfast and gave them the talk about inappropriate behaviour and that our body parts are private,etc. Later that morning I found that that the 7 years old asked them pull their pants down!!! I definitely going to tell the mom of the 7 year old about the incident ...but I am mortified about telling the mom of the 3.5 year old boy, the other preschooler is my 4.5 old daughter . I feel awful and guilty that I was not there to avoid this situation. Any advice??

[Lee-Bee]

I would likely find some books from the library about boys and girls. Something simple and not too detailed but enough to satisfy their curiosity. I wouldn't be concerns about the younger 2 doing this...they are curious and comparing etc. But with the 7yr old possible making them do it I would keep tabs on things. At 7 it still may very well be that they are trying to figure out the whole boy/girl thing. But, if he is making the others do it or goes beyond what he did today then I would start t ensure he remains supervised and that he has some pretty frank and serious conversations about what is and isn't acceptable (without the younger kids present).

Definitely talk the 7yr olds parents let them know they need to talk to him about what is acceptable and about the fact he has no right to make others show them their privates.

I would just comment in passing to the 3yr olds parents what you saw, how you handled it and that you'd let them know if anything else comes up. Try not to scare them lol.

I do think some books would be helpful and I would suggest that the 7yr olds parents take this time to teach him about the differences between boys and girls so he is informed and isn't resorting to cornering little kids to see for himself.

[Ottawaroses]

I would tell the mom exactly what happened and that you use a baby camera to observe the children when they can't be in the same room. Explain to her that you spoke to the children about inappropriate behavior and that you will be speaking to the 7 year old's mom. Did you ask the 7 year why it happened?

[mom123]

When I had everybody upstairs I told this 7 year old that he should know better, why did he let them take turns and put their pants down in front of him?? When I asked them how the "game" started the younger one right away said "because he told me to" the older boy right away denied it. Later on the 4.5 year old told me that he asked the little boy first and then he asked her. I am so upset right now.

[Lee-Bee]

Just be mindful tell a 7yr old he should know better will lead to lying and possible more hidden exploration. As adult we know a 7yr old should know better...but depending on the 7yr olds purpose he really may not have meant anything too harmful.

I've known other kids this age and older that have tried to play "doctor" with their friends. They just need to talked to, clarify what is and isn't acceptable and make sure he is getting the information he needs from his family (or you) so he isn't resorting to making other kids go naked so he can figure out what body parts boys and girls have and why they are typically so secretive.

[Lee-Bee]

I am not trying to minimize the situation, especially with a somewhat older child telling younger kids to drop their pants. but we as adults need to keep in mind that while we are very uncomfortable with seeing other people naked it is incredibly natural for young kids to not have a care in the world about showing off their bums!

When we pass on our unease about such things then we can prevent the young kids from naturally learning about boys and girls and we can turn something simple into something that the sense is wrong and mysterious but have no concept as to why. In which case they can often be forced to start exploring when no adult is around to see what the big deal is about.

When we use fake words to label body parts we just further teach that there is something wrong with the body parts.

There is nothing better than using the preschool years in group settings to have open bathrooms to learn about boys and girls in a relaxed casual manner. The other day my 2 yr old was telling me at lunch that "boys have peanuts, daddy has peanuts" wrong pronunciation of the word but right concept to know for a 2 yr old.

Obviously without knowing the purpose of his exploring you need to tread carefully. Lay down the rules but don't make him feel horrible. He most likely was doing some very honest childhood exploration and there is nothing wrong with that.

Open dialogue a 7yr old can tell you why he was doing it, what his intent was, what he wants to know etc. He can also very quickly learn that he should not do it again. But keep things safe so he can come to you when he has more questions.

[mom123]

Thanks Lee-Bee. After reading your reply I gave this situation a little bit more thought and you are right. The 7 year old wasn't hidding or had the kids in a place that they couldn't been seen. He knows that I have cameras downstairs and they were right in the middle of the room. I feel more calm after reading your posts. Thanks again!

[Van]

Can you get the 7 year old to help you prepare breakfast with you whenever you have to do something elsewhere so he is not along with younger children but make him feel that he is a big boy so he can help you do this special activities

[5 Little Monkeys]

I think you handled the situation well and I agree with what Lee Bee said. Van also has a great suggestion. Good luck!

[33 Daiseys]

honestly i would be more concerned as to how the parents will feel about the children being on another level of the house then you. I know after having spoken to my insurance and cps, that is something were to haven and they were on a diffrent level, that you can be charged with willful neglect, and not be insured for accidents.
Not trying to scare you, but a very good friend of mine was changed when a child in care fell and hit her head, purely accidental, but because she wasn't in the room she had cps close her down, investigate and had the police involved. I would hate to see any one have to go through what she did.
I would say to have the kids upstairs with you when your upstairs, even if they help cook, or colour on the floor.