Co-operative Play

[flowerchild]

Would anyone be able to share their tips and suggestions for encouraging co-operative play?

I have a DCK who has very particular ideas of how toys should be played with. If anyone is doing something a different way or not how he wants it, he gets upset. Ie. they're building with duplo and someone puts a block where he doesn't want it or doesn't think it should go and it's "DCK, NOOOOOO! It doesn't go there!!!" Often his tone is unkind and/or he yells at someone else. If he wants a toy, he'll take it and he also will hoard particular toys. ie. a car that he likes, etc.

I feel like all I do all day is give reminders that "the toys are for everyone to play with" and "sharing does not mean that everyone does what you want" and "use your words, not your hands" etc.

Any tips?

[Lee-Bee]

How old is the child? Is this in line with his personality (everything in it's place, certain things are for certain things and nothing else, objects belong in certain places and not elsewhere)?

Co-operative play is really a hard concept...it isn't until they are fair bit older (3-4) that they can really start to grasp it, and even then it takes years to master. Certain personalities find it even harder.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I have a 4 yo boy who is like this. He even tells me "that's not how it goes" when I sing a song differently. (I sing "4LM were jumping on the bed, dck fell off...diff dck called "my name" etc or patty cake, "mark it with a K for the kids and I")

I just remind him that we are all different and we can do and play things with they way we like as long as it isn't hurting our friends. I also tell him that if he only wants to play his way than he will have to play by himself because his friends don't want to do that and I don't want to listen to fighting. It usually works and he will play nicely. I have 2 kids who are only children and they actually free play nicer than the 2 with siblings lol. It's definitely a personality trait with those 2. They do know how to play with their friends when I speak to them about it but they would rather play with them being the "boss"!

[flowerchild]

Thanks you two.

I think I just needed to vent and get it off my chest yesterday. It can make for such an exhausting day sometimes.

I'm glad to read that I'm not the only one dealing with this. The DCK is older, so it's not just teaching a two year old to play nicely, KWIM? I actually spend a lot of time helping this particular child be more understanding of the little ones who, of course, don't have the ability or fine motor skills to play the way DCK wants them too.

[Lee-Bee]

Long ago I nannied for a 4yr old. She had a huge colouring book that was from the show 'Arthur'. The book was mostly filled when I started working for this family and EVERY. SINGLE. PAGE. had Arthur in the EXACT same colours (from the show). I started colouring a page with different colours and she freaked. She could not handle him being different than he is supposed to be. It really stressed her out! She just had this strong personality that NEEDED order.

I like 5LM's way of telling the child that if they need it to be their way then they need to play on their own because the other children have other ideas and want to do things differently. While it is important to try and stretch their way of thinking sometimes it just isn't worth the stress (to you and the child) to force them to go outside that comfort zone of having order and control. The consequence is that they are not part of the group while they maintain that order and control. Pointing this out to them will hopefully bring it to their awareness that if they ease back and hand over a bit of control they can have friends to play with.