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  1. #1
    Shy
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    Cold weather rebel

    I have an extremely head-strong 3 year old dcg. The weather has been chilly in Ontario the last few days and she shows up everyday with short-sleeves and a light zip sweater she refuses to wear. The mother doesn't press the issue and lets dcg make the decision whether to wear the sweater or not. First, I'm worried that this is setting a bad precedent for winter (I.e., she chooses whether or not to wear hats, gloves, etc.) and I'm worried that other (younger) kids will follow suit and think what they wear is their call. I don't feel I will get much support from the mom on this because she is mostly concerned with avoiding battles with this child. I've tried to play hardball and put her into the sweater (she just freaks and removes) and point out to her that she is freezing when we are out (curls up and shivers but doesn't put it on). I know this is a power struggle, but, like I said, I don't want this to be a trend amongst the kids with winter approaching. Advice?

  2. #2
    Expansive... babydom's Avatar
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    When my 3yr old DCB did this. I made it a rule that to play outside you need to dress appropriately. If you are not then u don't play. You sit and watch. Like a time out. So we would walk to school then back home to play or park and I would sit him on the bench at the park while we played or sat him in the garage at home while we played. A wk of this he realized it wasn't fun just sitting around so he would start off sittin then yell ok ok I'll put my jacket on I want to play too. Lol. Worth a try it may or may not work.

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by babydom View Post
    When my 3yr old DCB did this. I made it a rule that to play outside you need to dress appropriately. If you are not then u don't play. You sit and watch. Like a time out. So we would walk to school then back home to play or park and I would sit him on the bench at the park while we played or sat him in the garage at home while we played. A wk of this he realized it wasn't fun just sitting around so he would start off sittin then yell ok ok I'll put my jacket on I want to play too. Lol. Worth a try it may or may not work.
    I do exactly this and it works. My kids usually cave after a few minutes though! I have one who is doing this with splash pants and running shoes. When he refuses I just bring him out as he is without a word so not to engage in a battle and let him know he sits out until he's dressed to join us. Its good I find to push the envelope now when its uncomfortable but no risk of frost bite then once the snow falls there's no issue.

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  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by torontokids View Post
    I do exactly this and it works. My kids usually cave after a few minutes though! I have one who is doing this with splash pants and running shoes. When he refuses I just bring him out as he is without a word so not to engage in a battle and let him know he sits out until he's dressed to join us. Its good I find to push the envelope now when its uncomfortable but no risk of frost bite then once the snow falls there's no issue.
    I do the same.

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  8. #5
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    I would do exactly as the ladies above do. As much as I strongly agree with not making it in to a battle and letting the child learn that being too strong willed to wear a sweater means they get cold. Group care is not the place to be allowing this as it does get other kids to follow suit some of the other kids are not old enough to understand/learn from the natural consequence (being cold).

    Let them control the battle...but the consequence is now that they are cold and bored. And, hopefully even colder for sitting still on a bench and not running around to be warm. In time they will cave and learn that being strong willed can mean missing out on the fun.

    I would give the child one discussion on it. Let them know they can decide whether or not to wear their sweater (and what ever else). But, unless they are fully dressed they do not participate. Then I would have the same discussion with the full group. Now that it is autumn we are expected to wear (list items) if you don't wear those items you do not participate.

    Then when you get outside list of the kids that can play and those that cannot...sit them down in sight, with their extra clothing items and let them know when the yare fully dressed you will know they are ready to play otherwise they are expected to sit in that spot until it is time to go in.

    And last of all...save your most fun of games and activities for the times a child choses to sit out.

    By the way, this is my 2.5yr old daughter. Not that she doesn't want to wear the items so much as she doesn't want to stop and focus long enough to put the items on. I am lucky in that with it being my daughter I can tell her she has 2 more minutes to be dressed or we go out to play without her. I've only had to leave her a few times but she gets herself dressed incredibly fast when she is left inside on her own. I expect making the child sit out nearby without playing will have the same effect.

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  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lee-Bee View Post
    I would do exactly as the ladies above do. As much as I strongly agree with not making it in to a battle and letting the child learn that being too strong willed to wear a sweater means they get cold. Group care is not the place to be allowing this as it does get other kids to follow suit some of the other kids are not old enough to understand/learn from the natural consequence (being cold).


    Let them control the battle...but the consequence is now that they are cold and bored. And, hopefully even colder for sitting still on a bench and not running around to be warm. In time they will cave and learn that being strong willed can mean missing out on the fun.

    I would give the child one discussion on it. Let them know they can decide whether or not to wear their sweater (and what ever else). But, unless they are fully dressed they do not participate. Then I would have the same discussion with the full group. Now that it is autumn we are expected to wear (list items) if you don't wear those items you do not participate.

    Then when you get outside list of the kids that can play and those that cannot...sit them down in sight, with their extra clothing items and let them know when the yare fully dressed you will know they are ready to play otherwise they are expected to sit in that spot until it is time to go in.

    And last of all...save your most fun of games and activities for the times a child choses to sit out.

    By the way, this is my 2.5yr old daughter. Not that she doesn't want to wear the items so much as she doesn't want to stop and focus long enough to put the items on. I am lucky in that with it being my daughter I can tell her she has 2 more minutes to be dressed or we go out to play without her. I've only had to leave her a few times but she gets herself dressed incredibly fast when she is left inside on her own. I expect making the child sit out nearby without playing will have the same effect.
    You leave her inside, alone? How do you do this? Is someone else home or is she in her bed and you have a monitor?

  11. #7
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    I don't allow options here. This is what you wear to go out. End of story.

  12. #8
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    I play it by ear. Depends on the child and the weather. A couple weeks ago it was cold enough for jackets but nothing life threatening. A 4 yo didn't want to wear his coat. Whatever, learn the hard way than he survived and we were outside for awhile ( at mickyc's actually lol) he's worn his jacket every day it's been sent since haha.

    Kids have limited choices in their lives and I like to choose my battles. If it's not going to seriously harm them, than I'm all about them making a choice/decision for themself. They have to learn how IMO. Obviousl, if their choice is really not a good one than I'd step in though.

  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by torontokids View Post
    You leave her inside, alone? How do you do this? Is someone else home or is she in her bed and you have a monitor?
    No one else is home. She's my daughter (wouldn't do this with anyone's kid. She doesn't like missing out on what her friend and I are doing quickly gets herself dressed and comes to the window to tell me.

    But she allowed to stay inside to play while we do yard work if she prefers, or she can play outside while I am inside cooking (fenced in yard that I can monitor). We check in from time to time. She is used to being off in the house playing on her own...our being outside isn't much different. Obviously we don't leave her for really long periods and we don't leave our property, but she doesn't require constant supervision. She knows what in the house she can and cannot play with and what areas of the house she can and cannot be in on her own.

    Obviously it is different with daycare children but with our daughter we purposely raise her to be able to play on her own without direct supervision. We also expect that as she grows she will spend more and more time outside on her own. I grew up heading out in the morning and coming back for lunch and supper. Society today is doing things differently...and sadly it often results in children that do not know how to function without direct and constant supervision. Children are capable of a lot more than we give them credit for.

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  15. #10
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    I have the same rule for my kids. Just because I am running a business does not mean that they have to do everything that we do. They can play in their rooms, watch movies basically do what ever they want.

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