Good Lord! I HATE AP!!

[Lee-Bee]

How is nursing before nap time going to help child adapt to sleep at daycare?

The child SHOULD have the skills required to nap differently in different places. When this is the case nursing before sleep in one location should have NO impact on their sleep elsewhere. They should have the skills needed to self sooth and sleep while still being able to rely on parents at home. Nursing on demand at home is perfectly fine if the child has been given the skills needed function elsewhere.

AP parenting does not need to be all or nothing. If they planned ahead and provided the child with the skills needed then they would be able to nurse non-stop at home, co-sleep and all that great bonding stuff without an impact on daycare. This is, again, where I feel AP has taken a wrong turn. AP parenting is supposed to be about raising emotionally attached, self confident happy, and ultimately independent children. It is not about raising demanding, incompetent 'terrors'...which is often how things seem to be going these days.

[flowerchild]

Honestly, it doesn't seem like this family is a good fit and that you are ever going to see eye to eye. If this is within your three week trial and you plan to term anyways, I'd just do it now. Things are not going to improve to the extent that you expect within another week.

If not, I think you need to take the weekend and figure out exactly what and how much you are willing to do to aid in this child's sleep learning. Once you've figured it out, you should put it in writing, review it with the parents, and have both of you sign two copies (one for you and one for them).

ie. you are not willing to wear the child for the entire nap time, but you are willing to rub his or her back for five minutes while they lay in the play pen. You are willing to move the child's playpen to a separate, dark room away from others or you are willing to run white noise or play lullabies but you aren't willing to sit in the room beside the playpen for the entire time. Those are just examples, but does that make sense?

Lee-Bee and mamaof4 - I agree with pretty much everything you said about AP. I think I mentioned in either this thread or another similar one that I use some of the AP principles in my parenting, but I find one of the biggest misunderstanding or misinterpretation of AP is that a parent must sacrifice everything and the child's happiness is paramount over others. I have also seen parents who identify or strive to be AP who are afraid to set up boundaries for their child or to discipline at all. Almost like they don't realize that discipline doesn't just mean spanking and yelling if that makes sense.

[Mama2boys]

Speaking as a parent that leans more towards the AP side of things, it was foremost on my mind that my boys are able to adjust and function (including nap!) away from me. We started prepping 3 months before my return to work date (both times). They were left with others for increasing amounts of time, and able to nap with them. They both nursed on demand at home and co-slept (and slept in their own beds when they felt like it). They had no issues adjusting to napping at daycare on their own and putting themselves down. I also transitioned them to homogonized milk during the day in advance of sending them. I agree that AP is getting a bad rep just for reasons like this, but I also totally agree it is the parent's fault in this case. If you know you are not hiring a nanny for 1 on 1, you need to prep your child for group care. I've always asked myself the types of questions Suzie_Homemaker has asked (what is happening with the other kids if I expect a certain something with mine), and want to extend the courtesy to others. The whole point of this post I guess is just not to make assumptions of parents that do tend to lean towards more AP tenancies...some of us do have our stuff together and understand the struggle.

[Van]

it really helps when a parent prepares the child to adjust and have their stuff together so good for you for doing that. It helps your child and the caregiver but some parents are not prepared and then it is hard on everyone to just dive in the deep end and hope for the best and not think ahead , it sounds like a nanny may be the best solution in this situation

[Suzie_Homemaker]

I have list of "Preparing Child for Day Care". It go out to parent who advance contract or with contract for those start sooner. It help focus parent mind to this be group care not one-on-one. If child starting soon, this something I go through with parent when go through contract.

I found it help. Not just for parent to consider the real of the request but also for me to determine which parent is realistic and which is only thinking about their child and their child current need.

It not just AP parent that sometime ill prepare for daycare. Lady came recently whose baby breast fed, wanting care start in a week, and not even begun think about starting sippy cup or even bottle. She intend bring child and leaving me deal with because she say they try once month before and too hard so just didn't do again. Other issue with her too but this big reason for me turn away even though place still empty. Owe to children and parent already here to be realist about what wiling to take on.

[ottawamommy]

I think there is a reason MANY of us do not take AP children. Crying it out is a quick fix and if we have a 3 week transition period and there has been no progress done on the end of the parents then there really isn't another options.

Their suggestion was carrying the baby for 20 mins before nap and told me word for word "the sleeping therapist wants you to remember its not forever just temp"! I find this very offensive due to the fact that I already said I will not wear your child, I will not rock your child and at 12 months I expect your child to take their own bottle as I am not holding a bottle.

[Crayola kiddies]

So terminate

[Lee-Bee]

I am pretty sure my DCG's parents also thought "it won't last forever" when they decided to daily take their daughter for a drive for nap because they couldn't get her to sleep at home. Here we are 2.5 yrs later and guess who still takes their turning 3 in a month year old daughter for a daily drive for nap time (dad confirmed this last week).

These things don't last forever but they do require adults to nudge them in the right direction or they do last many, many, many years longer than needed!!

Anyways. You are clearly at a standstill and clearly this isn't a good fit for either you or the family. Send them on their way and find a family that will be a good fit for you so you can enjoy your days.

[flowerchild]

What's a shame is that they are wasting their sessions with the sleep therapist trying to force their agenda instead of taking that time and having the therapist develop a plan for daycare based on what you are able to provide.

It really doesn't seem like a good fit and it seems like heels have dug in on both sides now. If your plan is to eventually terminate, I would do it now. Save them, you and the baby the stress. If you are committed to seeing this through, I would again suggest that you put everything that you are willing to do in writing so that both sides are clear. If they want you to speak to their sleep therapist, do it. It will give you an opportunity to explain the boundaries for nap time at your house and give the therapist a clearer idea of what he/she is working with.

[ottawamommy]

What's a shame is that they are wasting their sessions with the sleep therapist trying to force their agenda instead of taking that time and having the therapist develop a plan for daycare based on what you are able to provide.

It really doesn't seem like a good fit and it seems like heels have dug in on both sides now. If your plan is to eventually terminate, I would do it now. Save them, you and the baby the stress. If you are committed to seeing this through, I would again suggest that you put everything that you are willing to do in writing so that both sides are clear. If they want you to speak to their sleep therapist, do it. It will give you an opportunity to explain the boundaries for nap time at your house and give the therapist a clearer idea of what he/she is working with.

I did this and I told her what I was able to accommodate and what I wasn't. Her solution when she came for pick up was to wear the baby for 20 mins ? Yeah no not happing so you can just tell by this point nothing is going change.

There are so many people out there looking for infant spots who are willing to listen and work together to help the child and they didn't care so I terminated