It sounds like this is not a good fit.

I have 5 of my own children and I am very AP- but a huge tenet of AP is getting across that ALL people's needs are important. And I agree- AP would be harder to implement in a Dayhome than in a parent/child diad.

There are studies that do show issues with CIO particularly with breastfeeding- I know that cry it out has been done for years but there is substantial evidence that shows it to be harmful particularly for younger babies. IMO, it is the same as saying we didn't have car seats and did just fine--- well some of us didn't.... (with a much higher learning curve)

The child will eventually learn to differentiate environments but that will take time- and it sounds like you are at your wits end.