If they are old enough to use a potty they are old enough to wipe. It is part of toilet training. Obviously we need to then follow up and double check the youngest for awhile. But by age 4 the child should be doing it on their own.
Learned helplessness is hard...hard on you as the caregiver and hard on the child because he has been trained to be helpless. That is really hard to untrain.
Keep insisting he do it on his own. Make sure he doesn't get too much attention for it though, ignore him for a good length of time then walk by and simple state wipe your own bum and keep going without paying him any attention. He may be continuing the helplessness because it gets him attention from you.
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