Epic Tantrums

[flowerchild]

I feel so bad for you! How exhausting that must be!

If he's 54lbs and (correct me if I read this wrong) wrenching himself out of your arms when you attempt to pick him up/move him, I would stop doing that right now. From now on, do not try to physically move him at all. Either he or you are going to get hurt.

When it's time to do something, tell him what's happening/ask him to do whatever it is, and then walk away and carry on with the others. No talking, no coaxing, no attention whatsoever. You've stated what you would like to happen, so it needs to appear like you expect him to do it.

ie. "OK everyone, it's time to put on our coats and shoes to go to the school" and then walk over to the door and start helping the others who are there to get ready. Once you are all ready, stand at the door and wait for him. Ignore the kicking and screaming, maybe sing a song or play a game at the door with the others while you wait for him etc. Eventually when he realizes that he won't be getting any attention for not coming, he should just come over and do it. You will probably need to give yourself A LOT of time the first few times you do this.

For eating, maybe a timer? "Ok everyone, we have fifteen minutes for snack. I'm going to set the timer to help remind us." When the timer goes off, clear the plates. Again, don't respond to any of the kicking and screaming. Or say "I'll be happy to talk to you when you are standing still and using your normal voice"

How are the parents? Actively involved? Or the shrug-he's-four type? Get them on board. Tell them he refused to come get ready and when you tried to bring him to the door he flipped out of your hands and accused you of hurting him. Tell them since that is happening, you will no longer be able to bring him to the door, so you will expect him to listen to verbal requests. Full stop. Tell them that if after (insert your chosen time frame here) he is still refusing to follow verbal requests and is consequently negatively impacting your days and not allowing you to attend to your responsibilities, you will have no choice but to terminate care.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but seriously, he's four. If there are no underlying special needs (ASD, ADHD, etc), there is absolutely no reason at all for a four year old to behave like that on an ongoing basis.