Trouble adjusting (long post)

[JKR]

Hi there. This is my first time posting, but I am in great need of advice (I've seen similar threads, but I need to vent as well). I had an 11 month old start part time (07:30-12:30) at the end of October. Her mother mentioned that M has never really been away from her and has a hard time even being with her grandmother alone.

I thought that I could handle anything! However, M screeches and cries angrily 85% of the morning if I am not holding her, and if another child wants a hug or to sit in my lap, it sets M off even worse. I cannot walk away to prepare something, greet another child, etc. I believe that it is starting to affect the other children, as they are having a hard time at drop off now, when they have been excited to arrive in the past.

The mother is very sweet and understanding, and believes that it is akin to some kind of "sibling rivalry" thing and says that we will figure something out. I have been trying for 6 or 7 weeks and I don't know how much more I can take.Mother keeps saying that M "has really only been here for a month..." In the first few weeks she asked if crying so much was normal, and I told that for a while it is, but if it goes on for months, then the situation would need to be reevaluated (she agreed). It is taking an emotional toll on me, and I find myself being less patient with the other children, especially my daughter.

I feel like a failure and that I'm doing something wrong. I have worked in daycare centres in the past, and at least there there is another staff member who can take over and lend support when there is a "difficult" child. I am all alone and I don't think I can give this child, and now the others, the care and attention she needs.

Any input would help. Thank you!

[babydom]

I've had the same many times. You are not a failure. Not all daycare kids mesh well with our personalities and daycare styles and it doesn't mean we are failures. Some mold well with us and others don't. I had one that I kept. He took two mths to adjust. The only reason I kept goin was that I saw little bits of improvement. Ate and napped well. Stopped crying if I comforted him, etc. I had another one that I let go after two wks. He cried all day. Didn't eat and didn't nap. Didn't even want me to carry him. Was so not working so off he went. So ask yourself. Is she showing bits of improvement? Is she napping well and eating well? Or does she just cry all day? U have to think about yourself and the other kids and do what is best for everyone. Chances are she'll adjust better in a different daycare maybe one that is lower ratio and can carry her all day.

[JKR]

Thanks. She is showing bits of improvement. I am thinking of giving it until the end of January, and if it is still a problem we might have to look at another option for their family. I guess I'm not ready to completely give up...

[5 Little Monkeys]

Definitely tough to listen to that kind of crying/screaming! Don't feel like a failure, lots of us have had kids like that!!

Last year I had a little girl (15ish months) start and we bonded very quick and were very close. She would cuddle with me all day. She started not wanting to go home with mom/dad/grandma and when she would turn from them and say no and grab for me, I saw the hurt on their faces and knew I needed to curb this behaviour!! She would also scream bloody murder if I cuddled any other child.

I had to decrease our cuddling time and be firm about it. It broke my heart but I had to just let her cry and encourage her to play with her dc friends. It eventually got better!! She still sometimes gets jealous if others cuddle me but I just tell her that we'll cuddle when xx and I are done.

[Crayola kiddies]

A part time child takes much longer to transition then a full time child .....a full time child usually takes a full 2 weeks and then week 3 should be much better ....does the child still need a morning nap? is the child better in a high chair with some cheerios or crackers and a bit of fruit ? if the child hasnt been with anyone except mom ( and that in its self is ridiculous ....if your putting your kid in group care then socialize them) then maybe the other kids are over whelming and being in the chair up high will make her feel better then get the other kids up for snack and let her explore the playroom by herself ....maybe suggest to take the child fulltime till she is transitioned

[JKR]

I'm trying to curb her snuggling time, but it's tough. I'm hoping an earlier nap might help!

Mother is also making suggestions, like if I need to go do something to keep the intervals short. Of course I do that! I am not going to leave the children alone for more than 30 seconds without checking on them!