Termination.

[babydom]

Hey all. I'm not to sure what to do about this situation. I'm not sure how to terminate........How does it work when u term one sibling but not the other??

I have a 1 yr old bother and his sister whose 3 yrs old. The 3 yr old has been here since she was one and her bother started last November so has been here for three mths. No problems with the sister she's great. But problems with the bother. Constantly cries. After three mths he is STILL not adjusted into daycare. It's had to bond with him because he always always cries. Finally he can play all morning just fine and smile and laugh and be happy that's a big improvement as before he cried all day expect for nap. But even though he can play fine he'll cry through EVERY transition. Cries through diaper changing. Cries when I pick him up to put him at the table to eat. Cries when I get him dressed to go outside or undressed to come in. I've written a post on him before and his crying and it is totally behavioural. It's stresses me out big time!! I know he can play fine but I just want to change his dam diaper without him screaming in my face. And the poor kids that have to hear that as well all day. I just don't get it. At playgroup he'll cry because he can't see me then crawl over to me to be picked up??? But yet he cries when I have to pick him up to change him....ugh!!!

After three mths and me in tears today I have decided to terminate. I truely believe he will thrive in a day home with less children and a provider that can spoil him all day like his parents do. I just can't do it anymore. The crying is to much. I've tried anything for three mths. Three mths!!! Sigh. I'm in tears because my heart goes out to his sister. She loves it here. Has best friends here. Says I love you XXX to me all day long. But if I kick brother out mom won't want to do two daycare drop offs so obviously she will pull both of them out. It's just sooooo unfair for the sister to go because of her brother . But it's what has to be done so I can enjoy my work again.

So my question is...... In my contract it says I must give three wks notice to terminate or I can terminate on the spot if a child fails to adjust in a normal,amount of time. So with the bother I can term right away but what about the sister? Im going to say I can keep her but I'm sure mom will find other care for both of them. So do I just term and let her pull sister out when other care is found but brother can't come?
And she'll have to give three wks?? How does it work when u term one sibling but not the other??

Another question is.....although I am allowed to term on the spot for bother not adjusting I do want to give a wks notice. I can handle a wk more and just to give mom time. But can I do that?? It says three wks notice or on the spot for a variety of reasons nothing about a wk?

Thank you for your insight. Feeling so drained and stressed from all of this

[Suzie_Homemaker]

First - likely know that even though you terminating only one child, you likely going to lose both. Parent don't want make two trips generally to different provider so they will seek replacement who can take both children, even if initially, only one gone.

In my contract it says I must give three wks notice to terminate or I can terminate on the spot if a child fails to adjust in a normal,amount of time. So with the bother I can term right away but what about the sister?

First question to you, as a parent I would be questioning that three month is past normal amount of time for child to settle. I hope you have normal amount of time defined as a measurable unit other wise this might be an issue if your view and their view not same. The reason it become an issue is if normal amount of time has passed, so has chance to terminate without notice. That something else think about. It might be more professional after 3 months care, if normal amount time not defined in document, to just give 3 week notice. That save hang up/arguing about what normal amount of time really mean.

If you going use instant term for brother, then as you explained, you can't instantly term sister for same reason. If it was terming because of parent behavior then that might be different. This come down to exact wording of your contract.

So do I just term and let her pull sister out when other care is found but brother can't come?

If you confident that your language about how long is reasonable for brother, then yes, you can instantly term son but not daughter and leave her to give notice for that child. But, it might be seen unprofessional to do that so consider if these parent maybe going be vocal and tarnish your rep. Just because we can do something, not always mean it right thing to do.

Another question is.....although I am allowed to term on the spot for bother not adjusting I do want to give a wks notice. I can handle a wk more and just to give mom time. But can I do that?? It says three wks notice or on the spot for a variety of reasons nothing about a wk?

I wouldn't. It like saying that this is beyond acceptable now and you not able continue but you can manage for week. If you can manage for week, then give three weeks like your contract says. If you start making up terms and negotiating, they might think all negotiable like giving you one week for daughter instead of three. Don't make grey area where there is none.

That my view.

[babydom]

Ah ok. Good pts Suzie. Thank you. I actually do not have a time limit in my contract and the parents are very much on the same page of knowing that he's not adjusted yet so I can probably term on the spot. But ur right if I want to give one more wk I might as well give them my three wk notice. Good pts

[kindertime]

I agree that you should give a 3week notice for both kids. You will need a bit more time to fill two spots, just like the parents will need more time to find two spots. And you might find, (wishful thinking?) that once you've given the notice, and you're less stressed about the whole situation, it all gets a bit better anyway. You say the parents are aware of the lack of adjusting too, that's good, so hopefully it won't come as so much of a shock for them. Good luck.

[Busy ECE mommy]

If your contract says 3 weeks, then stick it out to 3 weeks.
You will lose both, but if this child is full-time, the adjustment should be done by now. I find most 1 yr olds are settled in 3-6 weeks time frame(if they're full time), so to me you have endured it for a long time.
Any developmental issue red flags along the autism or ADHD lines? Many of these kids cannot internally regulate very well, and transitions can be very difficult, as they don't like changes.
Have you tried PECS picture symbols to show the daily schedule? I use it with all of the kids, and we verbally label the transition and point to the picture, and then remove the picture when the activity/transition is done. It can help kids anticipate what is coming next.
I feel for you-I once had a child still melting down after 4 months, and that was it for me! I had to let her go. Some kids need more 1-1 care(ie nanny/grandma etc) Not every kid is made for group care. Go with your gut, but be professional and stick to the written contract rules. Good luck!

[Fearlessbaby]

I wouldn't be able to handle that even for 2 weeks. Get rid of him ASAP! Just be honest with the parents. Good luck!

[mickyc]

How did it go?

[babydom]

Nothing happening yet. Because when I let the bother go the sister will most likly leave too so that's two spots I'll need to fill. I already have an empty spot open so unfortunately I can't live on three spots open. So I'll have to line up at least one before I terminate. I have two interviews this wk so hoping it will firm up this wk then I'll give 3 wks notice this Friday. ALTHOUGH all that said he's actually good today and didn't cry when I changed his diaper.....go figure!!!

[babydom]

It is done! Got two new kids signed on and called mom and gave her notice on sat. She didn't take it well. Cried and hung up on me. Understandable. This morning at drop off was normal, nothing said. However I will have to text her today during nap as I only gave notice to the crying bother. Sister can stay. But I'll have to text her and ask if shell pull sister out as well.....which I expect!

[Lee-Bee]

It is done! Got two new kids signed on and called mom and gave her notice on sat. She didn't take it well. Cried and hung up on me. Understandable. This morning at drop off was normal, nothing said. However I will have to text her today during nap as I only gave notice to the crying bother. Sister can stay. But I'll have to text her and ask if shell pull sister out as well.....which I expect!

I just caution you to word this question carefully.

Word it in a manner that tells her you need to know now if the daughter will leave care as well in order for her to be eligible to use her deposit for final weeks of care (she needs to give enough notice).

If she didn't take the notice well and she knows you need the daughters spot for a new family she may opt to leave daughter a little longer just to complicate things. Hopefully she doesn't but there are some families out there that would. So make this about helping her ensure she provides enough notice to make use of her deposit and not about you getting confirmation you can fill that spot.