A little bit of a vent but I need your opinion

[crafty]

Hi Ladies,

It's been a while since I checked in. I finally have a god group of kids too keep me busy hihi.

I need your honest opinion today because I'm feeling very frustrated and I think it's because of my own views or values and maybe I'm being a little too hard on these parents. So here goes ... I've been caring for this little boy for 3 months now. He's my nephew ... (I know , I know.. ) So in only 3 months the parents have asked me to pick up later (about 30 minutes to 45 minutes) later than the usual pick up time because of ... DINNER PLANS. Yup ... So they pick up within my absolute closing time but he's already the last one to leave and the first one arrived. The first time I said sure, second time I couldn't I had an appointment and this morning I just said NO ! They always asked at the last minute as well. I had plans today not SUPER important but plans with my own kids about a little outing so we were going to eat and run out the door as fast as we can. But honestly I said no because in over 4 years of daycare NO PARENTS have even asked my to keep a child in daycare for 10 hours because of dinner plans...seriously. For meetings, traffic , car trouble yes and I've been fine with that but dinner plans ?

I think what also puts oil on this fire is that I KNOW this family very well and I KNOW this child is often with grand parents on the weekends because of OTHER PLANS these parents have. They are wonderful parents don't get me wrong but I feel that they are sometimes leaving their child in the care of others way too much. Maybe this is where I'm too hard on them because I'm very different. I quit a very good job to stay with my kids and they aren't left in care with grand parents very often because plain and simple they are MY responsibility.

I love my little nephew he's 18 months but he's also a handful ... he has issues expressing his anger and hits a lot (he's getting better) but he's not making the progress I was expecting. My guess is that because he's often with Grand Parents those hitting and anger fits DO get him want he wants. So it's a little counter productive. So this is also a reason why I think he shouldn't be left longer than he needs to at daycare.

Anyways, I'm not sure if it's just me being to hard on them or them being a bit selfish but I would love to get your opinion. I've had a rough night on top of things with my baby so maybe I'm just too tired as well haha.

Thanks so much for reading ...It's a bit longer than I really wanted it to be haha.

[babydom]

Being he is your nephew can't u talk to ur brother or sister about the pick up times? caregivers work differently. Some caregivers have contacted hrs and the child must be picked up by that time regardless if they are closed later and other caregiver including myself have open and close times. I'm 7-5pm. So even if I wrote 8-4 on their contact I'm open 7-5 so they can use all hrs if they want. Yes it's annoying that some will ask to pick up at 5 instead of their 4 but I allow it because I'm open to 5 so they can use till 5.

The excuse they are issuing is not fair though. Dinner plans??? They don't want to eat with their son? That seems weird. Maybe they are those type of parents that want to be parents when they want and other times the kid is with caregiver and grandparents. I have those parents too.

So decide what u want to do. Contracted hrs or open and close hrs. And then just tell mom that he must be picked up at this time no later and please don't ask because I can't provide care pass said time.

Also never work for friends and family. It never works out!!!!

[crafty]

Thanks Babydom,

I have open and close hours but I work by contracted. The parents know and I'm very clear that you drop off and pick up at the time WE agreed upon and I need notice if it needs to change. As I've mention he's the first to arrive and last to leave. So if I plan an appointment after he's schedule to leave and then they decide to pick up later it doesn't work. These parents know me very well and know my contract as well. I am flexible to help parents out but when it's just for dinner plans or going shopping and such I am a little less understanding. I have no problem saying no and I did. I'm just frustrated and I think it's simply because of our parenting values are different and until now I've been lucky enough to find daycare parents with the same values I have. I need to learn to let it go.

[babydom]

Yes u can't change parents. They will parent as they want, as annoying as it is for us lol. Just keep saying no, eventually they'll get the pt and not bother to ask....hopefully

[crafty]

True ... I already feel better ... I have had my coffees now and am able to smile. Hope the rest of the week will just fly by.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

You won't change these parent to be the type of parent you think they should be. Accepting that will help your internal guilt. Treat them like any other client because that what they are. No extended hours without a serious charge for your inconvenience if at all. No tolerance of late collections. Once treat them purely as client, you will feel better.

[Lee-Bee]

Well...their reasoning and what they do on their own time should have NO impact on your keeping him late. If they want to hire out 24/7 care it's their choice and we can't change our care for a child because we feel they should spend more time with their kid. Dinner plans without a child is really no different then work meetings or doctors appointment as far as you are concerned.

WHAT REALLY MATTERS here is...would you be extending your hours for your other families? Their family relation has no bearing on your daycare, they get no special privileges. It sounds like you know this by your (I know, I know) comment. So, would you be saying yes or no to this same request from other parents? That same answer applies here.

There should be no guilt for saying no...it is your contracted terms. There should be no resentment if you say yes...they are a client you have offered a service to. If you are not happy with the situation it is up to you to clear things up and make it clear to them or terminate the daycare relationship.

The only way home daycare can work with caring for family members children is if BOTH sides are totally clear and open with each other. Otherwise one side ends up losing by the other side inching over that line, bit by bit, more and more.

[Snowmom]

7 years ago, I could have written this exact post.

Because it's family, it's hard to separate the business relationship from the family relationship because the ramifications of HOW these parents "parent" their child will impact you and your family directly (depending of course on how close your families are and how much time you spend together).

To me, there's a direct correlation between the bad behavior and how much time is spent (or not spent) with Mom and Dad. The kids act out because it's the only way Mom and Dad will pay attention to them.

If I could go back and tell myself to NOT take on my inlaw's kids, I totally would. Because now, I can't stand to be in the same room with them, which is a sore spot with my husband and me as well as my MIL (she doesn't see the problem). My kids also think it's unfair that their cousins are Grandma's "favorites" because Grandma always picked up their cousins from my house (and not my kids) and they have their own room at Grandmas (they stay THAT much). It breaks my heart.

Yes, you'll never change them. Yes, you should treat them as you would any other client (although it's HARD). But, my advice beyond that, is to think about how it's affecting YOU, your relationships and your family life. If it's having a negative impact, let them go!

[crafty]

If I could go back and tell myself to NOT take on my inlaw's kids, I totally would. Because now, I can't stand to be in the same room with them, which is a sore spot with my husband and me as well as my MIL (she doesn't see the problem). My kids also think it's unfair that their cousins are Grandma's "favorites" because Grandma always picked up their cousins from my house (and not my kids) and they have their own room at Grandmas (they stay THAT much). It breaks my heart.!

Ah man ! Don't EVEN get me started on my MIL ! She's definitely playing favs. it's so obvious outsiders even mentioned it to me... I just let that one roll off my back as best I can because I know that type of behavior will blowup in her face. However I have felt very sad for my own kids for sure !

[crafty]

Very very good points ladies. I'm very opened and honest with all my clients. I think these clients feel they can get away with some extras because they are family. However I think they respond well when I set me limits and say no. It was more my own personal feelings that got the best of me because I DO feel annoyed and sad when I FEEL the child should be spending more time with them. I must learn to separate my personal feelings and not let it run my business decision. In this case it did not because I would have said no to other clients given the late notice of later pick up anyways.

I have no resentment with them right now...This AM I might have been annoyed with the request before I got a chance to get my coffee. I said no to the parents and they accepted it. I hope I can maintain my business and family relationship with them intact. Thank goodness for this site to get some feelings out and good feedback.