Need advice on how to deal with a "biting" child

[Sladji]

Hello,
I have a day home and one boy, in particular has been problematic since the beginning. He started in January this year. He was a lot worse at 1st and slowly got better, but he is still biting and hitting other children. He thinks he's allowed to take toys out of their hands and when he can't, it's a tantrum.
I am being patient and I believe I came a long way ahead, but because of him, I cannot take more children in my day home, since he demands so much attention.
Parents are great and understand. And if he gets hit back, then don't make a fuss.
But what else can I do about this boy biting and hitting?

Thanks

[Lee-Bee]

Hello,
I have a day home and one boy, in particular has been problematic since the beginning. He started in January this year. He was a lot worse at 1st and slowly got better, but he is still biting and hitting other children. He thinks he's allowed to take toys out of their hands and when he can't, it's a tantrum.
I am being patient and I believe I came a long way ahead, but because of him, I cannot take more children in my day home, since he demands so much attention.
Parents are great and understand. And if he gets hit back, then don't make a fuss.
But what else can I do about this boy biting and hitting?

Thanks

How old is the child. What are you currently doing when he bites. Are there certain times he tends to bite, certain things that cause him to bite and certain children he bites?

[Sladji]

He'll be two in August. There isn't a pattern. If he bites once, I do my best to explain why is it wrong what he did, and try to have him apologize. If he won't stop, then I put him in the next room, to play alone with some toys. Problem is all the other kids want to go there too and it often backfires.

[babydom]

What I do....is say firmly NO OUCH. THAT HURTS. Then put him on a time out. Bottom step or a chair close by but away from everything. After his time out is done, two minutes, then u take him by the hand to the child he bit and say "no biting. Ouch That hurts. Say sorry." Then he goes to play after he says sorry. Do this every single time. He will start to connect the word no ouch and time out together and realize it's not a good thing to do. He will then get it. But u need to be consistent. Everythime he bites or hits. It's no ouch and on a time out. I've done this method many ways and it always solves itself after a wk of times outs all day . Good luck.

[Sladji]

Thank you so much. I will try that. He can be such a sweet sweet boy, just sometimes he likes to bite. I will definitely try your method.

[Lee-Bee]

I'll add that once you remove him (but where he can still see everyone) you should go back to the hurt child and give a lot of sympathy. Talk about how he is hurt and all that. Often the child bitten just continues on playing after the biter is in timeout and all seems well. Draw the attention back to someone haven been hurt. Especially if the bite wasn't severe or the bitten child isn't overly dramatic. Oh, the times I wished I could just pinch the hurt child to make them react more strongly so the aggressive child can see their friend react in pain!! (I would never do this...but a strong reaction does help)!

Allow the biter to see that the child that was bitten is getting taken care of and getting the attention and that he, the biter, is removed from what he wanted. Eventually they make the connection that they aren't getting what they want through biting. I think the firm "no biting, ouch that hurts" can help the child snap out of their likely focus of getting what they want and see what they have done and hearing that it hurts. If you just gently come in and talk about it they will still be focused on getting what they want and not what harm was actually done. You don't need to yell and scream...just use a louder voice then normal to draw their attention to the situation.

[kindertime]

This is my advice for biting, and it can be applied to other undesirable behaviours too.

First, Observe - is there a time when this happens more? Is it a response to something or is it just for attention? Does something happen that causes the behaviour? I have found that writing this down helps identify patterns. If there is a pattern, you can use that to limit or eliminate the trigger. Next, Shadow. Be right there whenever the child is in close proximity to the other children. You can stop it from happening or at least react immediately. Third, Limit interaction and redirect. Obviously, you should say something but keep it short, like just "no" so that the attention can be focused on the child who is hurt. Lastly, Separate. When you are busy, (like making lunch,) keep that child away from the others with gates or in a high chair. Give them something to do "away" from the action until you can be right there again.

The child in question here is exactly at the age where biting is considered normal. Not acceptable, of course, but understandable. Toddlers lack empathy. They do not understand that other people have feelings too and their actions have consequences. They also lack communication skills. They can't express in words their wants and frustrations, so they may act out. Also keep in mind that the more often your response to the biting is a lot of attention then the longer it will likely go on for. Good luck!

[Suzie_Homemaker]

As side issue - it great you want to help resolve but set a deadline in own head for improvement. My friend just been dealing with this issue and like you, she was working with child and there has been improvement. But just this week, she have two other client give notice because they fed up with it.

Already you say that having this child in your care mean you not able to take other children due to the attention he needing but try not forget that ultimately, this is a business. As grateful as parent are for times we all go over and above, that not pay the mortgage.