Raising your own children

[Lee-Bee]

I am looking for advice from other care providers who have older children.
I find compared to all the other children we know (family and friends) we are pretty strict parents. I am looking for some sort of encouragement I suppose, that we are doing this right.

I don't think we are unrealistic but we have pretty high expectations of our child. She is to stay at the table until everyone is finished their meal, she eats the foods we eat not special substitutes. When she is whiny she is sent up to her bed (for about 10minutes where her special blankie and bears are) "because she is clearly tired". If she is not cooperating (getting herself ready and out the door, with appropriate help) then she doesn't get to bring a stuffed animal in the car that day etc. Consequences for her actions, consequences that are generally related to said actions (or inactions).

The last few weeks we have cancelled many outings with her due to behavior (no tulip festival, didn't go to the pool, didn't go to the fire station for doors open). She was acting up and not cooperating so we cancelled after giving her the option to start cooperating or missing out on the outing. We figure these are outings that we can afford to skip out on and they will drive the lesson home. She seems to understand after, telling people that she didn't get to go to the pool because she was not cooperating.

She turned 3 in march. She is a stubborn, persistent, strong willed child. She loves to help, is loving and is a great child...but she is, well, stubborn, persistent and strong willed.

While there are a lot of positive moments fun times and loving moments I feel like we are constantly having to take things away, send her to her room, or cancel outings lately. I need reassurance this does pay off. That we are not just making it harder for everyone etc etc.

I don't have friends to check with because I don't think they get it. They just give the kids crackers and send them off to play at meal time, let the kids whine endlessly with no consequence and never cancel an outing even when the child really shouldn't be allowed out of the house.

Are we just too mean? Are our expectations too high?

We were leaving Costco the other day and stopped in the ice cream line. I was trying to talk with my husband about just getting ice cream or maybe getting hot dogs too (we hadn't had supper yet). My daughter kept interrupting and I kept telling her to wait her turn I was talking and she started whining that she didn't get a turn to talk. So I pushed the cart on out of the store letting her know she can talk now, since we would no longer be getting ice cream since she was interrupting too much for her dad and I to plan. She of course was not impressed. We've been working on her not interrupting conversations lately and she was interrupting.

Anyways, rambling here. I just feel like if we don't spend a lot of energy now making sure she understands acceptable social skills and our expectations for her then we will spend the rest of our lives with a child ruling the house. I don't want her to be squashed down to nothing and not having any say or control in her life...but I don't want to be confined by a 3 yr olds actions.

Am I doing this right? Short term pain for long term gains?? She is a very well behaved child. As incredibly strong willed and stubborn as she is, she is a well behaved child. She is very bright, she learns very quickly. But she is a spazz, she lives in her own made up magical world and has trouble joining reality at times. But she's 3.

[babydom]

Everyone parents differently. No one way is right or wrong. You do what u feel is right and what works for your family.

However I parent like u. My daughter is 8yrs. I have 20yrs experience seeing kids and I have seen way to many kids rule the house and get away with things and just how they turn out. I will not have my daughter running our lives and she will learn to be respectful, obedient. My child has done everything your child has done and I have done everything u did in response.

The threes were really hard, worst then the twos. Then once 4 yrs old it was better. Now that she's 8 and in gr2 at school and shes becoming more independent she's back to not listening and disrespecting. It's an ongoing lesson all through life. But one I chose to teach her so she can learn to be a good adult. Yes, sometimes I feel like a "meany" but when I am disciplining I think about her future and if I don't correct this behaviour how will it effect her later on. Your doing a good job! Keep at it!

[crafty]

I've been and probably will be again in your shoes. Am I too strict ? Will this really help ? I've seen kids getting away with too much as well. The 3's and the 4's were difficult with my girls too. I did and still do what you are doing. I remove the privileges when the behavior is not appropriate. I do however give them a chance to make amends. For example if my daughter was interrupting and whining. I would have simply said " Excuses-me I am talking, your behavior is rude. Now I'm going to give you a chance to apologize and wait your turn to speak. Otherwise we wont be able to get a treat."

But my kids do need to sit at the table until the meal is done, they eat everything or nothing else, the need to say please and thank you, they have some responsibilities like putting away shoes, hat, jackets and things like that.

I don't know if I'm too strict but I know my kids are happy and I'm very proud of them. So it works for us I suppose. So I say keep doing what you do if you believe in it and if it works for you.

[mickyc]

I am strict! We had to be the hardest on my daughter from aged 2-4 then it seemed way easier. We have some struggles now that she is in school and picks up on other kids behavior. I honestly wish parents wouldn't let their kids rule the roost so much. It only gets worse as the kids get older, it's best to get the behavior/expectations/control when they are young IMO.

But there really is no right or wrong way to parent

[5 Little Monkeys]

No matter what you do there will always be someone who disagrees. You need to find the balance of disciplining and letting your child be a child. That balance is different for everyone don't worry about what others think of your parenting and you'll be ahead of the game already!

Good luck

[lemondrop]

My kids are older, and I can tell you it's absolutely worth it! Natural consequences is the way children learn best, so being consistent with them is key IMHO. My kids are far from perfect, but we often get comments about their manners, responsibility, and work ethic. The Special Snowflakes that run their homes turn into the entitled adults that my husband has to replace at work because they can't work hard, problem solve, or take direction

[kindredspirit]

I have a 3.5yo, and I'm rather strict with her. She needs to listen right away, she eats what I serve, and I follow through on all consequences. That said, she learns a lesson quickly, so it hasn't been difficult. I stick to natural consequences (I wouldve done the ice cream line walk out too, though only if she was warned) and remind hubby often not to threaten, just do it. If she throws a toy, it goes away up high (so she can see it and want it, but not get it) for at least a day. She's a dream to travel with because she's well behaved, and we can even go to fancy restaurants as a family. It's paying off already, so I don't care if friends think I'm too strict.