She should not have held the spot for you without your contract and deposit. Yes she likely was upset as she potentially lost other families but it was not professional on her part to put that on you. If she would have kept interviewing for the spot she potentially could have filled it. Likely a mistake she won't make again. If you would have backed out after you paid then she would have at least got to keep your deposit. Good lesson for her and don't let it discourage you from using a home daycare.