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  1. #11
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    As long as my children are the same ages as the daycare kids that come, they will follow the same rules. Once they are older, they will have more freedom to do what they want during daycare hours. They'll be in school for most of the day anyway. However, while they are still young and at home during the day, I feel it's only fair that I have similar expectations for them as I do for all the kids. To tell all the daycare kids that they can't watch TV, eat whatever and whenever they want, play wherever they want, etc. and then turn around and tell my own kids that they can do as they please doesn't seem right. But my kids also went to a daycare prior to me opening my own and understand that if I wasn't doing this, they would still be in daycare. So they are pretty used to the daily routine. Plus, it's pretty hard for me to watch the daycare kids and my own kids if they are doing separate things.

  2. #12
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    Once my kids were old enough to play in their own house without direct supervision, I let them. For my son, it was 5 years old, for my daughter it was 4.

    This is their home and they are ENCOURAGED to treat it that way. They can get their own snacks. They can play with their own toys. They can participate in group activities or not, their choice.

    This is my job, not theirs.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisapisa View Post
    Our last daycare provider had two young children of her own. Her kids were essentially able to do whatever they wanted: watch TV upstairs while my daughter had to stay downstairs, help themselves to snacks and drinks, sleep in their beds while my daughter was on a mat or choose not to nap at all while my daughter was told that she had to. I can certainly understand that this is their home. But it was really difficult for my daughter because she doesn't quite understand why these two other kids were able to do things that she couldn't. I'm just curious if this is fairly standard amongst daycare providers with young children? Am I completely unreasonable to want someone whose own children have the same expectations and rules as the other daycare kids.
    I'm just curious, how old are the children in question...both yours and the daycare providers

  4. #14
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    I guess the way I see it is that my kids (ages 3 & 5) don't have the run of the house even when it's not daycare hours. They still have to ask me if they can have a snack and I have to approve what that snack is. And for the most part, they have one snack in the morning and one in the afternoon, just like at daycare. They can't just turn the TV on or play with the Ipad whenever they want. They have to ask and there are limits. Certainly they can play on their own, but I'm never far enough away that I wouldn't be able to hear them if there was a problem (I can't hear them if I'm downstairs with a bunch of daycare kids and they are in their rooms upstairs). So what I expect from them during daycare hours isn't completely different than what I expect the rest of the time.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by bright sparks View Post
    I'm just curious, how old are the children in question...both yours and the daycare providers
    My daughter is almost 4. Our previous daycare provider's kids were 3 and 5. So because of similarities in age and because she did consider them her friends, I think my daughter really noted the comparisons and differences between what she did and what they did. I did try to explain to her that it was their home and so they were doing things that she herself does when she's at home. But I think it was still pretty hard for her not to be bitter.

    There's been lots of new posts since I was on here last! I'm starting to think that perhaps I should just avoid daycare providers with small kids of their own if I don't want the same thing to happen. I am actually going to meet with someone tonight who I think is older (she's been doing daycare for 30 years), so I imagine her kids (if she has any) are older. Here's hoping it turns out to be a good fit.

  6. #16
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    I asked because I was curious about what other daycare providers were saying about their own children being allowed to do as they please during the daycare day. I'm pretty much in agreeance with MommaL. My kids even at age 5 did not have free run of the house. It made the most sense to me to have them follow the daycare routine because it was the only way I could actually keep an eye on them. My kids are not allowed to snack whenever they please or have free run over technology or the rest of the house, even now as teenagers there are boundaries but at the ages you describe, they would take part in my day. Not because they had to conform to the actions of the other children, but generally speaking because they were much better behaved when on a schedule and loved to take part in the days activities. If they wanted to go adn play in their room, then they absolutly could, but at age 3, in a two story house, there was no way I was going to leave them unsupervised upstaires for a few hours.

    I can understand that your child would be upset by what you described and I think your new approach to finding a suitable daycare provider might be for the best. As each daycare provider will operate differently, each child will require something different. I see nothing wrong with your expectations, and from my experience I found that my own kids much more prefered to be part of the gang doing the same activities. They didn't get the choice to drop out when it didn't suit them.

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisapisa View Post
    Our last daycare provider had two young children of her own. Her kids were essentially able to do whatever they wanted: watch TV upstairs while my daughter had to stay downstairs, help themselves to snacks and drinks, sleep in their beds while my daughter was on a mat or choose not to nap at all while my daughter was told that she had to. I can certainly understand that this is their home. But it was really difficult for my daughter because she doesn't quite understand why these two other kids were able to do things that she couldn't. I'm just curious if this is fairly standard amongst daycare providers with young children? Am I completely unreasonable to want someone whose own children have the same expectations and rules as the other daycare kids.
    I don't think your expectations are unreasonable at all. Part of choosing a dcp is finding one that parents like you do. If a dcp has 2 different sets of rules for her own children and the dck's than it would be difficult to truly know her techniques IMO.

    I don't have kids of my own but I don't see why they wouldn't be on the same schedule. A big perk of staying home would be to spend time with your children. If they weren't in my daycare they would be in another and following a routine anyways. Like mommaL, my kids wouldn't be allowed to run the show. During the day, they'd be in daycare (just happens to be mine) and than in the evening, it's their home.

    Just because I work from home doesn't mean I get to do whatever I want during work hours and the same would be expected of my children. It sounds like you've come up with a good solution though, finding an older provider. Good luck

  8. #18
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    For myself even with my daughter (5yrs) having the freedom to be upstairs if she wishes that doesn't mean she has free rein to do whatever she wishes. If she sleeps in (usually until 8-8:30) and I open at 7:30 She knows she needs to do her normal routine - get dressed, brush her hair/teeth etc she knows how to get her own breakfast. She then has the choice to come down to participate or stay upstairs and play. She is not allowed TV until nap time. She sometimes will watch a movie in her room on her portable DVD player. I do make her come outside when we go out as she needs the fresh air and exercise and I also because I cannot hear her while out there. She is not allowed to come down with other food and the other kids aren't even aware that she is eating.

    I can totally understand how if your daughter is the same age and it is being flaunted that they are doing other things how it would be hard for her to understand. You do have to realize though that if the providers child doesn't want to play with the daycare children that they don't have to. Hopefully you can find a provider that better suits your needs.

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  10. #19
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    I don't think children being allowed to own room and have snack in own home is "having run of the house". That big leap.

    We all know that when we have visitors, it's nice see them go after long stay, to feel can relax in own home and not have been on all day. I sure for provider's children, having uninvited guests in their home due to parent's career choice feel very similar. And it all day, every day for years.

    My children were never part of entertainment package for client children. Even if same ages, client children might not have personality that own children would choose to be friend with. My children were expected to be friendly, i.e. not exclude, not be rude but it not a play date when my child home during daycare hours. If they had enough, they were absolutely allowed to take some time to self in own room and get space if wanted.

    Is it confusing to a client child? Only if boundaries aren't clear. "This is X's home and they live here, they are not part of daycare. You will have to play with a daycare child."

    That a life lesson that all children have to learn anyway. Just because a client child might want watch TV with family member, it too bad. Just because client child want demand that certain child (provider's) play with him/her, that unfair expectation too.

    Not everything is clear access to client child. Not every family member here entertain client child. I would not force client child to play with particular daycare child if they not want to. I'd not force own children either.
    Last edited by Suzie_Homemaker; 06-21-2016 at 03:03 PM.

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  12. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suzie_Homemaker View Post
    I don't think children being allowed to own room and have snack in own home is "having run of the house". That big leap.

    My children were never part of entertainment package for client children. Even if same ages, client children might not have personality that own children would choose to be friend with. My children were expected to be friendly, i.e. not exclude, not be rude but it not a play date when my child home during daycare hours. If they had enough, they were absolutely allowed to take some time to self in own room and get space if wanted.

    Is it confusing to a client child? Only if boundaries aren't clear. "This is X's home and they live here, they are not part of daycare. You will have to play with a daycare child."

    That a life lesson that all children have to learn anyway. Just because a client child might want watch TV with family member, it too bad. Just because client child want demand that certain child (provider's) play with him/her, that unfair expectation too.

    Not everything is clear access to client child. Not every family member here entertain client child. I would not force client child to play with particular daycare child if they not want to. I'd not force own children either.
    I totally agree. Just because I have my own children, it doesn't make them obligated to come and entertain the daycare children. My son was six when I started doing daycare and if he wanted to come down and play with the daycare children, he could, but he didn't have to.
    He didn't choose this job, I did, and I wasn't going to force it on him. The only time he had no choice was if his dad wasn't home and I was taking the other kids out. Then he had to come with us.

    BUT, I actually had a mom pull her kids out of my care because MY OWN SON was able to go on OUR computer (that wasn't even near the daycare room) and her son wasn't allowed to! I couldn't believe that she would actually use this as an excuse to take them out! I told her that this is HIS home and he could go on it, if he wanted to and I'm sorry, but use of our family computer was not part of the daycare program.

    Now that he is in highschool, he is glad to stay away from the daycare room, as he is not one for little children!

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