Potty Training Headaches!

[kindredspirit]

I agree with pull ups over undies-both for the dcg to feel wet, and for the Mom to understand. IME, pull ups DO set back potty training. I think the poor girl will get mixed messages, that it's ok to pee her pants at daycare, she has a diaper. My oldest potty trained at 19mo, her provider (Montessori school) requested 5 pairs of underwear and a long shirt (no pants, to make it faster), and just watched her closely (she was going at predictable times and asking to go, but had accidents if really involved in play). For in my home and travelling, I used cloth trainers (protect furniture, but feel wet). For children in my daycare, they have all been different. I consider them trained when they consistently ask to go in time.

[bright sparks]

I have to be honest but I don't see this issue stemming from any kind of preference for potty training or even the steps each individual takes towards readiness etc. The problem you are having is that you are dealing with a family who are not willing to collaborate with you. If they were, then they wouldn't have taken it upon themselves to start toilet training prior to a discussion with you. Yes I have my own set of criteria before I will start training, but I discuss this with the parents. Likewise, if a parent wants to start toilet training, they should discuss it with you first. It's not about a parent asking permission etc, but respecting the fact that you will be doing the bulk of the training given the amount of hours spent with the child, and you will also be training in a group setting which is very different than one on one.

I think like all of us have been, you are a new provider and didn't foresee this happening. A parent pulling the rug from under you! The time for discussing readiness is over IMO, it has been started and you have to move forward with it.

Stop asking the parent to bring in a pull up. Demand it...her child, YES, but this is your daycare and I would swiftly remind her that had she bothered to discuss this ahead of time then you could have agreed on the terms of training prior to these issues arising. If you want a pull up, make it mandatory and if she is displeased, quite frankly it is her own fault. If she refuses, then let her know she can not attend daycare freely soiling everywhere and she either complies or immediately terminate. I doesn't really matter what the child does at home if she is peeing and pooing all over daycare and not verbalizing her needs. Again, this problem is nothing to do with the child's abilities, age or method of training. This is a disrespectful parent who is not on an equal footing with you when it comes to childcare. Personally, I would give notice if she doesn't immediately comply with your potty training demands. Otherwise, you are in for a lot more stress in addition to what appears to be a child who isn't ready having a very rough toilet training experience.

You have to make a decision. Grin and bare it and try to make it work by taking control of the situation, or terminate. Good Luck!

[Van]

I tell the parents that the child needs to wear the pull ups over the undies at daycare for HYGIENE reasons as they are busy playing at daycare and can forget to tell you when they need to pee.
You have the right to save your couch and carpets !!!

[mickyc]

Feel free to use my steps in your policy if you wish.

In my house it is my rules. I am not about to let things be ruined because of a parent pushing for potty training a child who is not ready. Not all kids fit in my potty training rule box but bottom line is it is my choice when I want to go ahead and take the plunge into only underwear. It's me cleaning up the messes after all.

[LilDuck]

Thank you all so much for your replies and ideas. Here is an update on the situation: After great advice here, I created a detailed Potty Training document outlining the steps that I will use once potty training has begun. I clearly outlined that in order for the child to wear underpants only, I have to have seen that they are able to let me know when they need to go potty, are able to pull up/down their clothes themselves and are able to be accident free for 5 consecutive days. The DCG in question meets none of the criteria so I gave the DCM the option of sending the child with pull-ups, those heavy waffle cotton training pants or a pull-up over her underpants. I have initiated conversation three times now (once in person, once by email and once by text message) and all three have gone unanswered. DCG was dropped off again this morning in underpants only (the DCM now practically shoves her through the door and runs off before I have a chance to speak with her or check DCG for pull-ups). I really don't understand why this has become such an issue. I don't know what else to do. I have delivered a clear Potty Training document to all parents, I have initiated discussion several times and I have explained my position. I was thinking of sending an "official" letter to DCM today with the following points: "I have addressed this several times now... DCG cannot wear underpants only at the daycare... she is not ready and starting tomorrow will have to be dropped off wearing either pull-ups or training pants or she will not be allowed to stay... I have attempted to initiate discussion and it has gone ignored... if my daycare rules continue to be disregarded, I will not be able to continue care of DCG.
I'm just really having a hard time understanding why they are so unwilling to even entertain my rules or open a discussion with me - I guess it's because I've only been running my daycare for a year and haven't encountered this before. This DCG has been with me for the whole time, but I guess there have been signs... disregarding other minor rules, showing up late for pick up on several occasions and referring to me as the "babysitter". Ugh.
Thank you all for your support. I thought I was crazy until I found this forum. It's my daycare lifeline.

[mickyc]

Some parents just don't get it. They think that it's their kid so their rules. This will be a rude awakening for them. They just don't grasp the idea of what it is like to care for multiple children and don't realize the distractions at daycare. They also have a totally different definition of toilet trained than you do. I find some parents doing realize it is a process. It is not something that will happen overnight. Some kids get it quicker than others and some don't. This mom is looking at her child's failure to use the toilet at your house as a reflection of you not her child. She probably dotes on her enough at home that sure there are likely minimal accidents. We all know it's different at daycare.

I had 1 boy who was in training pants for ever! He showed little improvement and I finally decided to just switch over and it worked well. For him it worked great but it was my choice to go that route. Mom worked with me and he is fully trained now. On the other hand I have a 3 year old (almost 4) fully trained girl who cannot wipe her bum because mom does it. Ummmm that is part of the training is it not? I can understand sometimes but not all the time. I don't have time for that!! I know that mom is annoyed that I encourage her to do it by herself.

Stick to your guns. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Crayola kiddies]

Do you not have a supply of diapers or pull-ups at your house ? I think it's at a point now that if it were me I would gather up what ever belongings you have for this child and have them at the door and I would compose a letter Along the lines of
Dear xxxxx due to our recent potty training issues despite many attempts to discuss this with you and a general air of disrespect towards myself and my day home that after today I will no longer be providing care for xxxxx.
I wish you well in the future,
Regards, xxxx
Put the letter in the bag (keep a copy for yourself) and when she walks in say "I need to inform you that as of today i will no longer be providing care for xxxx .... I have been trying to discuss potty training with you however you keep sending xxx in underwear and she is not ready here at daycare with all the distractions to be in just underwear.... I feel I have no other choice ... There is a letter on your bag for your records" ....and say goodbye ...... Don't let her engage in a dispute with you tell her the decision has been made.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

CAn you lock door before they arrive tomorrow so she is not able to shove child in and leave before you have checked?

[Van]

Hi LilDuck , we are interested to know what happened.......

[littlefish]

I personally don't like potty training, I done it many times and it always comes bad with the parents, they get very defensive if we suggest anything. Hopefully you can find a happy medium Good Luck!
I'm in a situation where mom is expecting her second child in Jan and dad brought me her daughter yesterday with pull ups saying that they started potty training her at home which I don't believe and left her there I was like excuse me no notice, not asking and me knowing they'll be leaving soon how can I trained a child in three months sure! anyway I hope everything work out for you! hang in there!