Potty Training Headaches!

[33 Daiseys]

Happy Friday, everyone!
Sorry if this runs a little long, but I need a little advice from you, as I am quickly approaching my limit. I've only been running my home daycare for a year, so I think it is my lack of experience (and my desire to please, ugh!) that is clouding my judgement. Here's the situation: I have a 2 1/2 yr old DCG who up until a week ago was not potty trained and the parents had not initiated any start to the training. She was off last week on a family vacation and this Monday morning, her DCM announced to me that she was put into underpants all week and hasn't needed a diaper/pull-up except for nap and overnight. I was skeptical but decided to take the mom's word and let her stay here in underpants only (mistake #1). Well, the first day she peed herself (and my carpet and sofa) three times. The next day, she pooped twice and peed again. Well, by day 3 I had had enough and put her back into pull-ups. I also sent the mom a message explaining what happened and that I had put DCG back into pull-ups as she was not ready to be in underwear. Well, DCM didn't take the news well and got very defensive and said that it's normal that she would have "accidents" and that they didn't happen all week on vacation. I said that kids tend to behave differently at daycare than they do at home, and the fact that she was freely soiling herself (and not alerting anyone that she had messed) is clearly a sign that she's not potty trained. I explained that we will continue to take her to the potty every hour or so (I have a potty trip schedule: 9:00am, 10:15am, 11:45am, etc), but she will have to keep the pull-up on here because I can't stop and steam clean my carpets and furniture 2-3 times a day. I reiterated this at pick up and mom was clearly not pleased - she mumbled that she didn't want pull-ups as this was going to cause a setback.
I even took the time yesterday evening to research a few potty training techniques that may work (while still wearing the pull-up to protect my house), asked her to let me know what she thought and DCM didn't even reply to my message. This morning at drop off, DCG shows up in underwear again. I tell her that I am going to have to put a pull-up on her and DCM sighs, kisses DCG and leaves without saying another word to me.
I am at the end of my patience with this... my husband thinks I should just tell her point blank that if DCG doesn't arrive in pull-ups, she can't stay. And if they don't like that, then they will have to find other care. (I should also mention that this DCM also ignores my rule that her child can't bring her own toys to daycare and often picks up late, despite several warnings). I don't know if that's too harsh. Part of me would really like to do that, but the other part of me also does not want to lose a full-time 2 1/2 yr old, as they are hard enough to find in Ontario, and the summer's been pretty lean anyways. I have put up advertisements for her spot, but again, being summer, I'm not getting a lot of interest yet.
What should I do? What would you do? Mu husband says the aggravation is not worth the income from her because she clearly doesn't respect what I do.

I would put the pull up on OVER her panties. Everytime she is dirty or wet take the pull up and panities, up them in a plastic bag and send them home for mom to deal with. You are making this way to easy for her. Once she has to be the one to clean up poop, i can bet that she will okay pull ups

[LilDuck]

I would put the pull up on OVER her panties. Everytime she is dirty or wet take the pull up and panities, up them in a plastic bag and send them home for mom to deal with. You are making this way to easy for her. Once she has to be the one to clean up poop, i can bet that she will okay pull ups

I have been doing that for several days now... I send home 2 - 3 pairs of soiled underpants (poop and pee) per day, and mention at every pick up that she needs to wear pull ups and she is clearly not ready for underpants only. DCM only mutters and/or ignores what I am saying and runs off with DCG. She is clearly unfazed by the soiled clothes and underpants because the next day, she is dropped off again in underpants only. I feel like I'm the crazy one here. I can't believe that this is where they are making their stand and this is what is going to lead to me getting rid of the family.

[Lee-Bee]

I don't think your proposed letter will work. She is shoving her in the door and running so you can't check and refuse care because mom will be gone before you check.

I would write up a letter of probation. If the child arrives in panties only again care will be terminated as of the next day. I would send this letter home, email it and text the content. Make it CLEAR that this begins tomorrow.

They clearly think they can manipulate you until you cave...make it clear they are on their last chance and the consequence of dropping in panties and running is they have nowhere to go the next day.

This is no longer about potty training this is them trying to win the situation and you do NOT benefit if they win this one as they will feel they control you.

:-(