Potty Training Headaches!

[mickyc]

Feel free to use my steps in your policy if you wish.

In my house it is my rules. I am not about to let things be ruined because of a parent pushing for potty training a child who is not ready. Not all kids fit in my potty training rule box but bottom line is it is my choice when I want to go ahead and take the plunge into only underwear. It's me cleaning up the messes after all.

[LilDuck]

Thank you all so much for your replies and ideas. Here is an update on the situation: After great advice here, I created a detailed Potty Training document outlining the steps that I will use once potty training has begun. I clearly outlined that in order for the child to wear underpants only, I have to have seen that they are able to let me know when they need to go potty, are able to pull up/down their clothes themselves and are able to be accident free for 5 consecutive days. The DCG in question meets none of the criteria so I gave the DCM the option of sending the child with pull-ups, those heavy waffle cotton training pants or a pull-up over her underpants. I have initiated conversation three times now (once in person, once by email and once by text message) and all three have gone unanswered. DCG was dropped off again this morning in underpants only (the DCM now practically shoves her through the door and runs off before I have a chance to speak with her or check DCG for pull-ups). I really don't understand why this has become such an issue. I don't know what else to do. I have delivered a clear Potty Training document to all parents, I have initiated discussion several times and I have explained my position. I was thinking of sending an "official" letter to DCM today with the following points: "I have addressed this several times now... DCG cannot wear underpants only at the daycare... she is not ready and starting tomorrow will have to be dropped off wearing either pull-ups or training pants or she will not be allowed to stay... I have attempted to initiate discussion and it has gone ignored... if my daycare rules continue to be disregarded, I will not be able to continue care of DCG.
I'm just really having a hard time understanding why they are so unwilling to even entertain my rules or open a discussion with me - I guess it's because I've only been running my daycare for a year and haven't encountered this before. This DCG has been with me for the whole time, but I guess there have been signs... disregarding other minor rules, showing up late for pick up on several occasions and referring to me as the "babysitter". Ugh.
Thank you all for your support. I thought I was crazy until I found this forum. It's my daycare lifeline.

[LilDuck]

I would put the pull up on OVER her panties. Everytime she is dirty or wet take the pull up and panities, up them in a plastic bag and send them home for mom to deal with. You are making this way to easy for her. Once she has to be the one to clean up poop, i can bet that she will okay pull ups

I have been doing that for several days now... I send home 2 - 3 pairs of soiled underpants (poop and pee) per day, and mention at every pick up that she needs to wear pull ups and she is clearly not ready for underpants only. DCM only mutters and/or ignores what I am saying and runs off with DCG. She is clearly unfazed by the soiled clothes and underpants because the next day, she is dropped off again in underpants only. I feel like I'm the crazy one here. I can't believe that this is where they are making their stand and this is what is going to lead to me getting rid of the family.

[Lee-Bee]

I don't think your proposed letter will work. She is shoving her in the door and running so you can't check and refuse care because mom will be gone before you check.

I would write up a letter of probation. If the child arrives in panties only again care will be terminated as of the next day. I would send this letter home, email it and text the content. Make it CLEAR that this begins tomorrow.

They clearly think they can manipulate you until you cave...make it clear they are on their last chance and the consequence of dropping in panties and running is they have nowhere to go the next day.

This is no longer about potty training this is them trying to win the situation and you do NOT benefit if they win this one as they will feel they control you.

:-(

[mickyc]

Some parents just don't get it. They think that it's their kid so their rules. This will be a rude awakening for them. They just don't grasp the idea of what it is like to care for multiple children and don't realize the distractions at daycare. They also have a totally different definition of toilet trained than you do. I find some parents doing realize it is a process. It is not something that will happen overnight. Some kids get it quicker than others and some don't. This mom is looking at her child's failure to use the toilet at your house as a reflection of you not her child. She probably dotes on her enough at home that sure there are likely minimal accidents. We all know it's different at daycare.

I had 1 boy who was in training pants for ever! He showed little improvement and I finally decided to just switch over and it worked well. For him it worked great but it was my choice to go that route. Mom worked with me and he is fully trained now. On the other hand I have a 3 year old (almost 4) fully trained girl who cannot wipe her bum because mom does it. Ummmm that is part of the training is it not? I can understand sometimes but not all the time. I don't have time for that!! I know that mom is annoyed that I encourage her to do it by herself.

Stick to your guns. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Crayola kiddies]

Do you not have a supply of diapers or pull-ups at your house ? I think it's at a point now that if it were me I would gather up what ever belongings you have for this child and have them at the door and I would compose a letter Along the lines of
Dear xxxxx due to our recent potty training issues despite many attempts to discuss this with you and a general air of disrespect towards myself and my day home that after today I will no longer be providing care for xxxxx.
I wish you well in the future,
Regards, xxxx
Put the letter in the bag (keep a copy for yourself) and when she walks in say "I need to inform you that as of today i will no longer be providing care for xxxx .... I have been trying to discuss potty training with you however you keep sending xxx in underwear and she is not ready here at daycare with all the distractions to be in just underwear.... I feel I have no other choice ... There is a letter on your bag for your records" ....and say goodbye ...... Don't let her engage in a dispute with you tell her the decision has been made.

[Suzie_Homemaker]

CAn you lock door before they arrive tomorrow so she is not able to shove child in and leave before you have checked?

[Van]

Hi LilDuck , we are interested to know what happened.......

[littlefish]

I personally don't like potty training, I done it many times and it always comes bad with the parents, they get very defensive if we suggest anything. Hopefully you can find a happy medium Good Luck!
I'm in a situation where mom is expecting her second child in Jan and dad brought me her daughter yesterday with pull ups saying that they started potty training her at home which I don't believe and left her there I was like excuse me no notice, not asking and me knowing they'll be leaving soon how can I trained a child in three months sure! anyway I hope everything work out for you! hang in there!

[bright sparks]

I personally don't like potty training, I done it many times and it always comes bad with the parents, they get very defensive if we suggest anything. Hopefully you can find a happy medium Good Luck!
I'm in a situation where mom is expecting her second child in Jan and dad brought me her daughter yesterday with pull ups saying that they started potty training her at home which I don't believe and left her there I was like excuse me no notice, not asking and me knowing they'll be leaving soon how can I trained a child in three months sure! anyway I hope everything work out for you! hang in there!

I don't mind toilet training at all. Parents generally in my experience get away with what we allow them to get away with. I start off at my interview with parents making it very clear that this is my business and I run it a certain way.PERIOD. While I am flexible in many areas to accommodate the needs of individual children and their varying needs, I do not allow the parents to call the shots and they understand this from day one. I have a contract that I enforce everytime. I also make it clear that potty training is led by myself and I will be the one to decide when we start based on a list of criteria and through constant communication with parents. I don't ask the parents, I tell them. It isn't about being rude, but simply taking the lead as the individual spending 50 hours a week doing the actual training and in a group setting no less. It is a collaborative relationship in all aspects and I have this expectation of the parents and hold them to it. If you are having resistance from parents, then perhaps reassess your approach. I know a lot of people are worried about offending, but stop worrying and as long as you are not rude, you can be firm and stand your ground and be the one calling the shots. I think you will find that most providers who don't experience these kinds of issues have been where you are now, but once developing a zero tolerance policy for these type of parents BS, have a much better experience overall in the job. If you let the parents know that any other way will not be tolerated, and you prove it by standing your ground from day 1, they are almost just like the kids lol There is a set expectation of them, and they know you won't be swayed and you uphold your rules and methods, so maybe they will challenge it once, but once they see that this is how it is and you can not be controlled, they do as they are told