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Thread: Frustrated...

  1. #1
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Frustrated...

    I am so sick of parents who are in tears or at their wits end with children's behavior asking and begging me for advice. I give them options and strategies and explain why responding to behavior in certain ways only reinforces it and they still continue to act that way and so the cycle continues.

    Now this is a vent/rant, and I am fully aware that parents can do whatever the hell they like, but when it effects me, don't expect me not to have an opinion or keep my mouth shut. It aint happening.

    Yesterday I went to collect a 5 yr old from YMCA camp due to bad behavior. I cared for this kid since a few months old and his older sister too. All in all about 7 years history with this family including lots of private work. Little Johnny has had behavioural issues since about 3, coming from a home where parents went through a nasty divorce, discipline was none existant and his only constant was me. His older sister had some social anxiety issues when she was with me but was a good girl. Developed an attitude problem when she went to JK which happens right, but went on until Grade 2 as it was never dealt with and she got away with her bad attitude.

    I am friends with Mum which I am slowly but surely reducing as I can not keep my mouth shut about a lot of her questionable behaviors and so thought it best to distance myself from her. She has been online dating this last year or so, and as a result has seriously neglected her children. That is just in my opinion based on my close involvement with the family. Whenever the shit hits the fan, it is me who is called to swoop in and deal with the kids. My two kids used to babysit for her kids and now I have put a stop to that because she would come home later than promised and didn't seem to understand the issue with that. Another time she texted me drunk garbage in the early hours of the morning getting me seriously worried for her safety, only to finally get out of her that she needed her spare key as she had lost her keys and was in an Uber with some random guy. Reckless and out of control much. Prior to her getting this bad, I would go and do her hair before a date, hairdresser in a previous life, and while I was doing her hair she would be on tinder and match.com messaging numerous guys and showing me pictures while her son at 4 was stood on the dining room table or throwing his bedding downstairs. I would be the one to speak up to him and then she would holler at him and go back to her phone. This specific incident was when I backed off. She no longer has me do her hair or discusses her dating as I have made it perfectly clear that if I think she is being stupid I am going to call her out....anyway back on track...I told you this was a vent...I just need to get it off my chest!

    SO yesterday I collect her son because he managed to get out of the YMCA building and run off. He is 5 and knows better, but also the fact that this happened is something the YMCA staff shouldn't have let happen....whatever, not my kid that is for mum to deal with. His sister was there and told me that on Monday he had to be collected at lunch for bad behaviour and that mum had promised Johnny that if he behaved that day she would take them out for dinner. She told me that they wouldn't be going now because he was bad and I clarified that is what happens if you misbehave.

    Fast forward to today. Johnny is always thinking about food lol and asked me what was for lunch. I asked him what he had for dinner and he said mummy made corn soup. I asked if they ate at home or went out. He said they ate at home. I thought to myself YES, she finally grew a pair. WRONG!!! He then went on to tell me that afterwards they drove to Macdonalds for ice cream. OMG for the love of God. Yesterday when I spoke to mum prior to collecting him from camp she was in tears, really stressed out not knowing what to do. I help her out but then she feeds into the issue by reinforcing the behavior.

    On a previous post over a year back I posted about how this kid picked a hole in my daughters mattress during naptime and that another parent saw them at the local ice cream store the same night. I got attacked a bit and some members said it is none of my business what that mother chooses to do with her kids outside of daycare and if she wanted to take them for ice cream then why do I care. THIS is exactly why I care. Parents and Daycare Providers should work in sync and collaborate to provide consistent care. It doesn't mean there aren't differences between home and daycare, but what it does mean is that its not fair to the child or the provider when a parent is part of the problem by acting this way leaving the provider to deal with the aftermath. Whether that aftermath is the continuous moaning of a parent, the ongoing behavior issues of a child or anything else. Why is it that parents can have an expectation of me the provider and how I handle the child, but aren't held to the same standard? Like the child who was kept up last night because Mum and Dad had visitors and then gets dumped on me for a 10 hour day the next day tired and miserable. That is selfish and disrespectful. This same child who is having massive anxiety and transition issues and whose Mother spends at least 30 minutes a day talking to me about what we can do. I have absolutely no issue going above and beyond in the best interest of a child but if a parent is not pulling their weight I'm just supposed to keep quiet and suck it up??? No freaking way..This crap is just getting old!

  2. #2
    Expansive... babydom's Avatar
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    Step away! Seriously. If your parenting styles don't mesh and her parenting and it is affecting your care for him there's nothing u can do but walk away! I have been there lots of times. I try to offer help, I go above and beyond, I give pointers about bad behaviour when they ask but in the end if they aren't going to take my help or advice and keep coming to me with the same problems but refuse to change then there is nothing I can do but walk away. I take steps to back away and eventually lose contact with the family and then I feel better and I just pray for that child!

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    Oh Bright Sparks I'm in a similar situation with a relative child in my daycare. I've posted before. I simply don't get the parent's behaviors and their lack of ownership with their responsibilities towards the child. For God sakes life is hard sometimes I know we all got things to do ...suck it up !! I just cant get over the frustration and I'm having a hard time letting go. I get so frustrated sometimes I've cried about it. So I have been stepping away more and more. Even though I voice my opinion to the parents sometimes it feels like talking to a brick wall. So baby steps for me but I'm working on getting them completely out of the picture (daycare wise). Good luck !

  5. #4
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by babydom View Post
    Step away! Seriously. If your parenting styles don't mesh and her parenting and it is affecting your care for him there's nothing u can do but walk away! I have been there lots of times. I try to offer help, I go above and beyond, I give pointers about bad behaviour when they ask but in the end if they aren't going to take my help or advice and keep coming to me with the same problems but refuse to change then there is nothing I can do but walk away. I take steps to back away and eventually lose contact with the family and then I feel better and I just pray for that child!
    That is what I am doing. Backing off bit by bit. Fortunatly he isnt in my care regularly but it isnt as easy to cut ties 100% like it is to say to do so. When a friend calls distraught and asks if you can collect her child after I had already agreed to be an emergency contact, saying no isn't that simple. Okay it is, its just a word, but I guess I would hope that a friend would have my back in a pinch and I was there for her and him. My care for him is not altered. I have my way of doing it and she knows this and is very happy with it. So there is no conflict there, but I have to draw the line I know, you are right. She just always reaches out to me whether it is about the kids or just to go for lunch or something. I was happy when she stopped talking to me about issues with the kids and her crazy dating life, but now it seems to have blown up in her face and she has exploded into an emotional mess and seems to have realized that ignoring it and hoping it will go away doesn't work. I think her auto pilot is to pacify and keep them happy. I used to feel for her because I know as parents we sometimes do what we have to do to get through the day, but I am just exhausted from listening to the same things coming out of my mouth and her continuing to not do anything but complain over and over.

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