Help with "babied" child!!!

[playfelt]

Ok then you will need to explain to mom how you got him to the point he is at but also remind her that it will be worse but that she has to stay firm and remember that she is doing this for the sake of her new baby who will have needs and for the oldest so he will be able to cope. As long as she thinks it is for the kids' sake and not hers she will be able to last longer. A lot of what we do in daycae is a modified Ferber technique where we keep reassuring the child and spreading out the contact to allow the child the time needed to take care of their own needs -ie put themselves to sleep, feed themselves, play without adult hovering, whatever. If mom is asking for help then by all means offer her what you can. For tips it is the fact that the problem didn't happen overnight and is not going to be solved overnight. That you had success because you started a different method. That the same method will work over time if she is consistent and realizes that no matter how much the child protests and cries, whines, tantrums, whatever that it is a learning phase he needs to go through and that everyone will be better for it out the other side. Self confidence and self esteem is so important even for infants and adults take away that right way too often by assuming the child can't cope without them. Give kids more credit and realize there is a difference between need and want. It's hard sometimes to help a parent when we can see why we dont' have the same issues but that it means telling the parent to do something differently.

[Nifer]

I'd maybe wait until she brings it up again, and then you could ask her for specifics and you can give her diff examples as of how you might handle those situations/ behaviors. Making it clear that those are just your thoughts, and that you are in no way trying to tell her what to do. Let her know that you're there to help. Maybe suggest that she keep her son in care even after the baby is born-even if only part time, so that he still gets to see his friends, etc and so that she has alone time with baby and to rest.

[daycare woman]

I watched doctor phil one day and he said to the parents "Do You seriously think they were born this way" NO. You have shaped their behaviour. Plus he said its our job to prepare them to be adults. I've never forgotten this. Some times we need to stand back and say is this the way I want my child to behave? Of course not was usually my answer. I think she needs to remember her child will always love her even if their are consequences, sounds like she also needs to teach patience. I have one child 1yr whom I was told does not like sitting in the high chair.Ha whatever... he fine now. Can't give in but she also needs to be consistent. It does sink, as a daycare provider all of a sudden you say wow they aren't fighting, or screaming anymore, whatever but its finally sunk in.
Anyway hope this helps.

[Momof4]

I took parenting classes many years ago as a single Mom of four children and they taught me to be tough and consistent and to always say 'I love you, but right now I do not like your behaviour.' It is important to teach the child that they are always special and important but their behaviour and manners must meet up to your standards of approval. It is ok to say No, don't touch, please stop, you must not do that, listen to me, let's talk about this - depending on the age. I look the child in the eyes, hold their hands in mine and talk to them seriously when we have a problem, then let them go on their way. Toddlers have very short attention spans so you have to address the problem right away then move on.