Kids with no drive?

[Lee-Bee]

What do you do with kids that just have no drive whatsoever.

I don't know how to explain it really. I have a 22month old. Very easy going, happy, laid back child but this kid has no drive in life. Yesterday his ball rolled under a crib beside him. Like, it was at the edge of the crib clearly in view and reach. He Said "stuck" and pointed. I told him it wasn't stuck he needs to try. I told him to lie down and reach for it. The child lied down on the floor looking at the ball right in front of him, saying "stuck" then got up and went off to play with something else. It was clearly right there, he could have reached it while standing, while lying, in sooooo many ways. But he just determined he couldn't and went off for something else.

This happens ALL the time. It is something the child can clearly do but just determines it to hard and moves on.

Don't get me wrong, it makes for an easy kid. But it drives me bonkers that the child doesn't try and just gives up.

He is a bright, happy child. But he puts no effort in. He very much wants to ride the riding cars with the other kids but just stands by one saying stuck. With no effort to sit on it. I have tried to break it down into simple steps. "lift leg, swing over, sit" he CAN do it, he HAS done it a couple times. But he doesn't. He Just says stuck and moves on to something else!!!!! He is 22months old, he can sit himself on a riding car.

How the heck do I instill some drive into this child? He will be 2 in just a few months. He is capable of sooo much more. I seriously do not believe there is any developmental issues here. He just doesn't have the drive.

Any suggestions? This has kind of just become a vent! It isn't even just that the child is so helpless. It is that the child is helpless and doesn't care so wanders off to the next thing. Shouldn't the child be upset they think they can't do something and either persist until it happens or throw a fit until someone helps?

The child has a ton of words (in 3 languages), he clearly expresses himself and he clearly understands what others say. He eats and sleeps great. There are no signs of any developmental delays. He just gives up on everything without trying.

[bright sparks]

What do you do with kids that just have no drive whatsoever.

I don't know how to explain it really. I have a 22month old. Very easy going, happy, laid back child but this kid has no drive in life. Yesterday his ball rolled under a crib beside him. Like, it was at the edge of the crib clearly in view and reach. He Said "stuck" and pointed. I told him it wasn't stuck he needs to try. I told him to lie down and reach for it. The child lied down on the floor looking at the ball right in front of him, saying "stuck" then got up and went off to play with something else. It was clearly right there, he could have reached it while standing, while lying, in sooooo many ways. But he just determined he couldn't and went off for something else.

This happens ALL the time. It is something the child can clearly do but just determines it to hard and moves on.

Don't get me wrong, it makes for an easy kid. But it drives me bonkers that the child doesn't try and just gives up.

He is a bright, happy child. But he puts no effort in. He very much wants to ride the riding cars with the other kids but just stands by one saying stuck. With no effort to sit on it. I have tried to break it down into simple steps. "lift leg, swing over, sit" he CAN do it, he HAS done it a couple times. But he doesn't. He Just says stuck and moves on to something else!!!!! He is 22months old, he can sit himself on a riding car.

How the heck do I instill some drive into this child? He will be 2 in just a few months. He is capable of sooo much more. I seriously do not believe there is any developmental issues here. He just doesn't have the drive.

Any suggestions? This has kind of just become a vent! It isn't even just that the child is so helpless. It is that the child is helpless and doesn't care so wanders off to the next thing. Shouldn't the child be upset they think they can't do something and either persist until it happens or throw a fit until someone helps?

The child has a ton of words (in 3 languages), he clearly expresses himself and he clearly understands what others say. He eats and sleeps great. There are no signs of any developmental delays. He just gives up on everything without trying.

It sounds to me like he doesn't have to try at home. His parents probably do everything for him so when the expectation changes and he is required to try or do something for himself he just redirects his attention to something else. He is also at that age where parents quite often still baby them even though it is a critical age for independence but if he is never given the opportunity at home then its not surprising he doesn't want to try at daycare.

As for getting him to change at daycare, I wouldn't allow him to go and get another toy or play something elseifi its laziness like this. Tell him he has to pick x up or retrieve it and either play with it or put it away before doing something else. It will require working closer alongside him to prevent him from giving up but might be what breaks through to him eventually. Also you will be setting a different expectation of him while at your place. Otherwise, I'd try to just get over it. If this behaviour is bothering you so much but it is a behaviour that has been and still is reinforced regularly at home, it is going to be difficult to see a change without some work on your part. Rather than request him to do something, make it just so. It is not an option, these are the rules at your place. I have kids who don't tidy up at home. Don't want to tidy up here???, well then you will sit next to that box and that toy until you put it in the box. It isn't a power struggle so much a I will not tolerate any other outcome. It doesn't require harsh words or an upset child, just that the child knows with absolute certainty that this is the expectation and they aren't going anywhere until they meet it. If the child gets up and wanders off, I return them to the spot and verbally tell them again what to do. I give lots of encouragement and reminders. I tell them what comes afterwards to try and encourage them, but I do not give in to them trying to rule the roost. I'd try this same technique with your boy and hopefully he will quickly learn that you won't give in and if he does it right away he can go about his business. Good Luck!

[Lee-Bee]

While you are likely right to some degree there has to be more to it than just having to do anything at home. I also care for his older brother (turns 3 in a month). He is a VERY independent child that wants to do everything himself. He is resourceful and comes up with good solutions to get what he wants (bringing a stool from another room to build his tower up higher etc).

The parents really don't strike me as the usual, baby the child and do everything for them. They don't leap when the child cries etc.

I only care for them part time and the kids have both adapted very well to our house rules. They clean up (with direction), sit quietly at the table when they don't like the food, and know the expectations and willingly follow them.

I will think over the idea of only allowing the child to play with the one toy. I don't see that working too well here as I don't limit what they bring out. I only have a small amount of toys out at a time and we rotate between a few different play spaces in the house. They are expected to fully clean the one play space before we move to the next. It would mean having very different rules for him (you have to put your one toy away before playing with another) than the other kids. I also try not to be in the middle of their play. I want them to be off playing on their own without my directing or being involved. My following him around making sure he doesn't move on to another toy seems invasive for all the kids. Is it worth it in this case? It would be different if he was hurting children or harming toys and needed to be shadowed but the only issue is he gives up without trying!

As I mentioned the child is a happy, easy going child. I can't complain about that. I just see a child that has no drive and I can't help but wonder how that works as he ages.

[Peacefulbird]

During a course I took. I was told that drive is nurtured from the beginning. So, maybe start with little steps. Not high expectations yet. Usually I start with a simple routine few toys that seems easy and fast to tidy up sing a song right before our snack time and everyone helps , even babies help. Any little positive step from "non drive child" it is noticed and at times celebrated they absolutely love the positive attention. Or some times it works best from role modeling such as "oh! I'll try first and you help me out ok? Thank you! You did it!

At times thinking aloud also helps: ex. Hum, I think this toy goes over there. I do not want the.babies to fall I'll put it up. Aha! Here it goes few! We are safe. Children learn through imitation. We are helping to create their inner thoughts. Isn't that amazing?

[Lisa T]

I have a 3 year old that can not play independently ... with anything... puzzles, books etc. This is not how he is at home, parents are pretty hands off with their kids. Great eater and naps easily so... right now he is my only toddler so not so bad.