School age potty regression

[Lee-Bee]

How was his transition into JK?

Is he stressed about school or anything at home?

Is he too scared/shy/worried to ask to go to the bathroom. What is the set up/system at school?

Something weird is going on. It's been a few months so it isn't merely a regression.

It may have started as a 'normal' regression and then he liked the responses he got so he's stuck with it, becoming a habit. But the fact it goes on is all settings seems suspicious. I can see him liking the attention/reaction he gets but ALL settings likely don't respond in the same way so I would think it would be limited to specific settings.

If you don't see any signs of anything going on (developmentally, medically) then try and put ALL negative impact on him. He changes his clothes, he gets new clothes, he washed the floor, cleans the poop off himself with no help. It will suck for you but just section him off somewhere that the impact is less on you (he has to stay on the tile bathroom floor until clean). See if that gives him less incentive. I would just caution that this is NOT appropriate for a child that has underlying disorders as it is punishing them for something that truly is out of their control. It's a perfectly fine consequence for a child that is being lazy or is just trying to be a 'pain' for kicks though!

[mattsmom]

I would just caution that this is NOT appropriate for a child that has underlying disorders as it is punishing them for something that truly is out of their control. It's a perfectly fine consequence for a child that is being lazy or is just trying to be a 'pain' for kicks though!

That's what I mean though, mom doesn't want to take him to dr to see if there is any underlying issues. She just expects me to put up with it, clean him up, oh and this is the kicker....she doesn't want me to punish him at all for it!

[Lee-Bee]

That's what I mean though, mom doesn't want to take him to dr to see if there is any underlying issues. She just expects me to put up with it, clean him up, oh and this is the kicker....she doesn't want me to punish him at all for it!

But the child isn't in mom's care. He is in your care and JK's care. Therefore there NEEDS to be a team effort.

Give her the clear expectation or terminate. If she wants NO punishment (discipline is a better term for what we are talking about) then she NEEDS to have him assessed and diagnosed with some sort of condition that clearly outlines that he is NOT in control of this.

If she is not willing to do that, then the child cleans up after himself. It's not punishment it is just the natural consequence of an older child, that has been fully toilet trained, choosing to be lazy. If I peed and pooped my pants no one at work is going to come along and clean me up. I'd be doing it myself. Therefore....I have no desire to do it! (though as a healthy adult I would be even less inclined if someone else was going to clean me up lol).

[bright sparks]

That's what I mean though, mom doesn't want to take him to dr to see if there is any underlying issues. She just expects me to put up with it, clean him up, oh and this is the kicker....she doesn't want me to punish him at all for it!

She can expect what she likes, but ultimately it is up to you to set the tone for what is acceptable. Make a choice. She can expect it but it is down to you to make a choice and stick with it. You set the tone for her expectations based on your actions. I don't think punishment works with this type of thing either, but that is because I have experience and I tried the punishment route and it only caused more frustration for ME, and didn't make a damned bit of difference to the childs toileting.

[mattsmom]

She can expect what she likes, but ultimately it is up to you to set the tone for what is acceptable. Make a choice. She can expect it but it is down to you to make a choice and stick with it. You set the tone for her expectations based on your actions. I don't think punishment works with this type of thing either, but that is because I have experience and I tried the punishment route and it only caused more frustration for ME, and didn't make a damned bit of difference to the childs toileting.

I totally understand what you're saying,maybe it's different when it's your own child. I can deal with the odd accident, say, if we were out and he didn't get there on time or something like that. But when it's a daily/every other day thing and I'm constantly cleaning up a whole bowel movements/urine from him, it gets a bit frustrating.

It's hard because we love to go to the park after school and play, since we have been having good weather days lately. But we can't because he is always having accidents. Also, I am thinking towards the summer and when we go on all morning outings to parks/splashpads and programs farther from us. I can't have him pooping in his pants every time we go out somewhere nor am I going to bring everyone home because he can't control himself.

I just have to figure out if I'm willing to deal with this any further or terminate.